Well, up at 4.30am after sleeping from 10 so missed groups. I have been mulling and researching on my gut issues and think I have been misdiagnosed on the colon problem. As well as the stomach bug I think I have something else which isn’t nice but I may have contracted from the dog sleeping in my room. The dog is now barred but pines outside my door. The symptoms have changed and worsened. But I am Ok in myself and pain free at the moment taking care to eat very bland foods and only small amounts. I am so aware that if I was not in this strapped position I could pay for the tests and get natural treatments quite quickly. I went for a walk and paid for fuel. I have a home still and fuel. Grateful, that’s a good start. I try to ring my doc but continually engaged.
Yes, idi, it could go up particularly if they deem I have limited capability for work. And they just might with all my gut issues. And you are so right, itis the Health issues that need sorting out as a priority.
This afternoon I have a telephone psych assessment from when I was feeling suicidal. My Gp has said that it is all finance related. I am glad she has said that and not that I am losing my marbles! My marbles feel stronger today in any case. Because I am going to gma we agree not to bother in taking anything forward but I could go back anytime should things deteriorate. But they are helpful in guiding me to possible advocacy for the meeting on the 10th January re prison proceedings.
My son also calls me and tells me his dad didn’t give him the cocaine. He got it himself for the first time in many years. He recognises in himself addictive tendencies. He has had a lot to deal with recently and we talk about strategies to avoid going over the top when we have difficulties as a means of self medication and escape from emotional stuff. It is hard being human sometimes. I read somewhere that we are 50 per cent light within and 50 per cent dark. And it is a matter of what we choose to focus on. I am going back to my old spiritual Teachings from someone called Prem Rawat who I have seen every now and again since I was 23 but got really confused with all the turmoil of 2017. Look him up. On wordsofpeace.org or just google him. For the first time when I tune in I feel better within as I used to feel when I practised his meditation. He puts us in touch to a place within that is free of all this. It gives us a kind of inner strength and peace in each breath. Although the stomach cramps take that away prett6 quickly! We are not our problems. He talks about choices and how we think can lead to our own demise. I choose to act on my resolutions and to take things one step at a time.