Hi Rainman, you are not a bad person- you are a person with a gambling addiction.
I think you are seeing that you can not do it alone – it is almost impossible to stop gambling without support. There are groups on here tomorrow night where you will get good advice and also there is another online site called gamblers anonymous – if you could make it to some of their face to face meetings that would be really good .
You may not be not a spring chicken but certainly you are young enough to recover your whole life.
Take the necessary steps now and in no time you will be looking forward instead of backwards with regret.
Well done on recognising that you have a problem and posting.