Suicidal thoughts on day 9

I am trapped inside my home with everything falling apart around me. No one understand the depth of how close to the edge I am. I genuinely cannot see a way out and cannot reach it even if there is. My family really do not understand. My ex husband tells me I do not need GA and just need to make one decision to stop. I tell him I have already made that decision. He says I should stop trying to find someone to rescue me. When you can’t save yourself where else is there to go? How bad do things have to get? I am watching the fallout from my last binge and cannot stop it. No one can. . I will not be on the street, I would sooner die. No one responds to the posts on here so I guess I am talking to thin air.