Hi Justletmerip.
Sorry you gambled.
There’s no excuses like you say, and also true, that it’s in the past. However, as much as it serves no purpose to dwell on what has happened, it shouldn’t just be, “brushed under the carpet, “and forgotten about either.
Use this as an expensive lesson, and if you do learn from it by seeing how you could have prevented it, and then putting in place some significant barriers to stop the same thing happening again next payday, and every other payday, (in fact every single day), well then it’s going to be a case of “money well spent”.
If you choose to ignore what has happened and change nothing about your routine, well to be honest, it would be no surprise to see you posting similar after next payday. So it will be a case of just more money down the drain, you May ask “why me” or “why did I do it again? When will I stop?”
You done it because you are a CG, that is no excuse, but I hope you agree, it’s a fact. Being a CG does not excuse the gambling, because being aware of this fact you know that you are powerless against it.
You done it again because after last time you did not put all possible barriers in place. You will stop when you have all possible barriers in place. In order to gamble you need money, why don’t get you get your pay check paid into someone else’s bank account?
The best time to take these steps is now. You say self exclusion dosn’t work because you can always go to another venue. Man that’s a lame excuse. I agree it’s true, but instead of looking for reasons against it, look at the reasons for it. Why not use this time to travel further afield and exclude from as many venues as possible.
You may well rip, justletme, but you say you have relapsed. What is it you have relapsed from? You have had six days off gambling, but you had no money. Then payday comes and “Woosh” you’re off. Isn’t that the same as last time, and the time before. It’s a vicious circle. It needs to be stopped from going round and round. The mistake you have made this payday, is a mistake I’ve made hundreds if not thousands of times. I couldn’t get it. Why ffs was I still doing this crap? For gods sake it’s ridiculous but I’d still do it. I don’t now, you do, please don’t be offended but it’s still as ridiculous when you do it. But can you understand when I ask what have you relapsed from. Sorry to be so blunt but you’ve just gambled again, that’s all; nothing new nothing different. You will have to implement changes in order to enter recovery. Once you’re in recovery, which may be after weeks of abstinence, and then something similar occurred, well I could understand you saying you had relapsed. I still mightn’t agree mind you.
I would say I entered recovery at least 7 years ago if not further back. But once I had relapsed it was years before I got back into recovery, although at times I amassed lots of long periods of abstinence, several months sometimes. But I kept gambling again. I hadn’t changed anything, things don’t change themselves, change requires effort. I hadn’t put sufficient barriers in, I could always get hold of money. I kept putting this radical, and what should be the most fundamental of barriers, on a back burner. I felt embarrassed asking, ashamed guilty, stupid, immature.
After I had been gambling again last December I knew I had to make the big change I should have made years and years ago. This particular gambling binge cost me two months wages in a day and half I think.
Nevertheless the same day I gambled I arranged to have someone else keep my money. Now I only have a very small weekly allowance paid into my own account I have three direct debits every month. The money for those is paid in on the day they’re requested.
I have learnt a very expensive lesson. In fact I will not earn enough in my working life to pay back what I truly owe for my 35 years of gambling. However I’ve learnt that I should have listened to those people telling me this advice repeatedly for years and years.
I hope you take on board what I say and make those changes now.
Sorry I’ve gone on a bit I was feeling philosophical sitting by the sea.
Take care.
Geordie.