New found attitude at work
My attitude change, I was willing to accept any result good or bad that God give me, I do not try to change things. When the harvest was bad, I did not press the panic button, I remain hopeful. I stayed calm, positive, focus and hardworking… I trust God. The familiar anxiety, fear and worry from the job disappear. The ending was a fruitful and plentiful one.
It took this new experience at work to teach me a new lesson in recovery. I did not have the same and correct attitude towards life and nature. I realize that I have a poor attitude in recovery
When the condition in my recovery changes and when I started to feel stress, pain and suffering. I will become impatient, frustrated and prone to pressing the self-destructive button.
I become impulsive and cannot remember that I don’t need a drink or gamble to improve my life now and I totally forgotten all the heavy consequences from my past heavy gambling losses and binge drinkings.
This time it happens on the 16 June 2017. I was sick from a throat infection confirmed by the doctor. I was not feeling well and pressed the self-destructive button. I give up recovery. I pick up my first drink after more than a year free from alcohol, I didn’t binge, I only had 3 glasses and I stop. I have also lost money that I could use for better purpose over the same weekend on football punting.
I say that I would surrender my will and life over to the care of God in my recovery but when I was feeling unwell, everything changes.
I would try to change thing, I cannot accept feeling unwell. I took over the control of the steering wheel and change my mind about not drinking or gambling.
I did not have the acceptance of any result that God give me in recovery.
If I do not feel good, I will try to change what God give me. I will use alcohol to feel good and gamble for a quick fix.
My will-power and focus become weak and my recovery become vulnerable when I was sick.
I need to learn:
To have Acceptance of any result that God give me in recovery.
To be Tolerant and Patient of the painful and suffering bad days.
I do not need to drink or gamble. I should Trust God.
I must stop listening to myself immediately and start to listen to a Higher Power.
