Good Afternoon everyone,
I had my last gamble exactly 4 week’s ago today.
Right now I’m thinking back to exactly what happened that day, it’s something I always want to remember as I believe it will play a vital part in me hopefully never returning to this horrible addiction.
I was in a local independent bookmakers playing the fobt’s and I remember instantly regretting my decision to play as I knew that I wasn’t leaving until I either had a win or all the money back that I had wasted that day.
As usual I was losing money then getting a small win which would take me just under the amount that I wanted. Overall that day I believe I lost £400. At one point I could have walked away with £380 but as most of you know this wasn’t enough, i needed the full £400 back. So for the sake of £20 I carried on and preceded to lose all my money in no time at all.
The realisation of what I had done hit me the second the balance hit zero.
Leaving the bookmakers I remember feeling completely numb,I knew that the money wasted was actually money that I needed for a trip coming up next month to head to Ireland and see Aerosmith, my friend had already booked it,I just needed to give him the money.
That day just like many other day’s after gambling I vowed never to go back.
That one moment of madness set me back roughly 3 month’s.
I was introduced to gambling roughly 10 year’s ago, it has ruined my life.
Since I started gambling I have always had time’s where I have said “never again” only to return to it a few day’s later. I have never went a full 4 week’s without before and I have to tell you all that it feels pretty damn good to be away from it.
In the last 4 week’s I have made a point of finding solutions to deal with my debts.I know that although time’s might be tough right now this is something I’m going to get through.
I have made a point of spending more time with family and friends. My parents have even commented on me appearing more upbeat and happy in life and that to me is what it’s all about. I feel I might have neglected important people in my life because of the way gambling has made me feel and most of the time I just wanted to isolate myself away from everyone. Now I genuinely can’t wait to see everyone and absolutely love to see my nephews whenever I can.That, my friends, is what is important here. Take a look at how you feel when gambling, how do you react around your loved ones after you have lost?
I’m thankful that I have finally taken a step back and that I finally know what is important in life.
I remember wanting to take my own life because of gambling, I remember having conversations with my friend after losing money about how if we walked infront of a train all our problems would be over in a second. I thank God that neither of us never took that step. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
To anybody struggling right now please believe me when I say that things do get better when you stop and take a step back.
So to all who have commented or read this journal so far,I would like to say thank you. Im hoping that my story can maybe give other’s motivation to stop.
One day at a time is all I can do so just for today my friends, I will not gamble.
Take care
Craig