So far so good fish face. In some respects you have a long way to go, on the other hand nobody can ever do more than one day at a time. Today. You have achieved today in gambling terms no more than someone who’s been clean 20 years or more.
Just for today, I done it, Vera done it, Charles done it and you’ve done it as well as countless more people in recovery. Well done. Some of us would have found it more difficult than others, some may have woken up in bad moods, others good. Some may have fought urges and others not. It dosn’t matter just for today we didn’t gamble.
Its not nice waking up with the gambling hangover, and the disbelief that your gambling has brought you back to this position..again. It’s an awful feeling that many of us remember well. Personally I felt like that for very long periods, the guilt of what I had done would always play heavy on my mind. Over time it does subside I committed some serious crimes to fund my gambling over the years, many against my own family. I began to realise though that my family didn’t hate me for it, and the only way to pay them back was to change my life and stop gambling.
I’m pleased you spoke to your mates, all be it after a few pints. Maybe try talking to them when you’re sober as well. I’ve found that by talking about things, not necessarily gambling, but more about the consequences and how you’re feeling. You might feel daft at first but you’ll be quite surprised by a true friends reaction. Not everyone thinks we’re all fecking idiots. (Although I’ll be first to admit I’ve acted like it a lot). Getting things of your chest will clear your head a bit, you’ll maybe sleep better without things playing on your subconscious mind.
One day you might even wake up happy! Imagine that. If you can change your life around thats something to be immensely proud of.
All the best.
Geordie.