today i gambled!
everything was going great, i got a bill for something i wasn’t expecting and hadn’t budgeted for but i was trying to think it through, i would be lying if i didn’t say that putting a bet on to cover the cost was the first thing that came to my mind as that’s a normal pattern for me but i got past it. i went to work on another extra day, it was a tough day but i reminded myself that i was recovering some of my losses and so i just got on with it, the sun was out, people were joking about ( i was working with a different shift than normal ) and then out came all the betting slips that the lads indulge in on a weekend, that’s the exact point that i knew i was going to relapse, i even thought about trying to get to a computer to write it out in my journal to try prevent it. i lost 3 times the amount that the bill was for (how ironic that i can always find money for gambling but panic at bills ) and about 5 of my extra days of working ( i have so far only done 3)i lost it all on one disallowed goal, that sucks so bad. i know that every single person that reads this will know how i am feeling right now so i will spare the details. the worst thing is i know i have a bit of money left over to try and chase some of my losses tomorrow. Addiction is a real pain in my ass!!
