Barriers. Hmm. That’s a tricky one for me.
I live in Henderson, Nevada. Basically, Las Vegas. They adjoin. There’s plenty of casinos in Henderson as well. I can look out my window and see The Strip. I can walk two blocks and be at The Fiesta Casino.
The other problem, I’m in business for myself. A business that generates a lot of revenue but has a small profit margin. I cannot just let someone else take care of my money. Impossible, unfortunately.
So…how does a drunk retain their job as a bartender without drinking? Because that’s synonymous with my predicament.
First, I have to stop gambling. Without this, everything else is an effort in futility. Secondly, as was mentioned earlier, if I don’t change WHO I AM, I’ll merely continue to be an asshole, just one who doesn’t gamble. Which, quite frankly, will eventually lead to gambling. Again, at least for me.
2-3%. That’s the percentage of the population who are compulsive gamblers. Why me? Why not me? I’m nothing special except to those who love me and need me to be well…at least better than I am.
So, in summation…can’t move, can’t have someone else hold my money…so barriers? Yeah, I’m fucked there. I’ll tell you what I can do though. Wake up every day and appreciate that I don’t have to be a slave to my chains. They’ll shackle me. I’ll feel them. They can’t be ignored. I can’t break them and there is no key to unlock them. BUT, I can do this very minute what I can do a thousand…ten thousand minutes from now…change who I am. Stop being an all-consumed asshole. Stop trying to blame life for “not being fair”, and giving me everything I want, when I already have everything I need.
I’m a broke (financial) snob.
I’m a wealthy (loved) person who doesn’t appreciate it because of the above.
Barriers? Being built in my consciousness 24/7. If the building stops, I won’t be back. My life will have amounted to less than nothing. If there’s one thing about know about myself, it’s this…I will do anything for those I love. Anything. If this means changing myself…how I think…how I view life, that’s just how it’s going to have to be, because it’s not just about me. Thank God.
Barriers work, I just have to use the mortar available to me.
I dont want to be ultimately defined by failure..addiction. By the grace of God and a series of successive swings maybe…just maybe, I can at least score the tying run that gives the team I love the chance to not lose.
This is now up to me. My life to make it what I can. I just broke up with my girlfriend last night in order to focus on THIS. This matters more than anything in my life right now. I’m not surrendering to temptation, vices or the lies I tell myself any longer. The gig is up. Game over.