Thanks Theone for taking the time to read my post and responding – I thrive off the support of other people and their positivity and encouragement. Much appreciated. I have indeed self excluded from every single place I can think of. Unfortunately handing over finances isn’t as easy, my job requires a lot of traveling and hotels, meals etc. and whilst I can and do claim this all back from my company, I have to pay it out in the first instance and therefore need access to cash in order to perform my duties. I have however made a call to a local counselling charity specialising in gambling addictions and have my first 1-1 session in a couple of weeks so that’s another step in the right direction.
Never thought I’d say this 24 hours ago but I already feel a tiny bit better. Because of work I had missed two GA meetings in a row but went back tonight and it was exactly what I needed. Attending those meetings reminds me that I’m not alone in this battle. I put off going to group meetings for years through fear and also because I was scared to admit I was out of control, but now they are my lifeline. For anyone who tries to ‘do it alone’ I would honestly urge you (as a previous sceptic myself) to just pluck up the courage and walk through the door – it will be the best decision you ever make.
I don’t post on other peoples journals very often because I don’t have access to a computer at home, I use my phone which can take a while! I do read the other posts on here though on a daily basis and would like you all to know that my thoughts are always with my fellow fighters.
It’s Friday tomorrow which fills me with excitement, I LOVE the weekends and not just because it’s a break from work. My boyfriend works away Monday-Friday and we always make an effort to spend our Saturday’s and Sundays doing nice things together and seeing friends/family. I almost forget how much I’ve f*cked my life up of a weekend because he makes me feel like I actually deserve to walk the earth. I know I shouldn’t rely on someone else to make me feel good though and that’s why I’m seeking help to try and find a way to love myself. That could take a while.
I’m happy to say that today has been better than yesterday. Why? Because it’s another day I haven’t gambled. Of that I’m certain.
Tomorrow will be better still.