Thanks Charles I scored 9. I’ve known and know people whose gambling problems are a lot greater than mine, but I know I am on that slippery slope I’ve been on it before. I know it doesn’t matter whether I feel like I have bad luck, at the end of the day the reason I know I am here is my compulsion and my lack of control to gamble. I have read a few other stories and the one thing that came ringing true for me is the access to money. My recent slide is down to just that, I transferred 5k from my credit union accounts to my online banking accounts for home improvements and I’ve lost half of it before buying as much as a paint brush. I’ve spent 14 years repaying debt and the last 2 years I’ve been able to save. Now during them 14 years my cash flow was quite restricted, but I still gambled what I had left. Now after years of restricted spending and continuing that on to save in an account I can’t touch unless I transfer it over. I stupidly transferred my cash over and re-opened a can of worms. I’ve self excluded myself from everything available to me online, I was planning on self excluding myself from shops today but I have £125 to pick up from a bet from yesterday and as I was going to pick it up. I asked myself a question “can I guarantee to myself that I can walk in pick up my winnings and leave without having a bet?”. The answer was no I couldn’t, not today it was my day off and I had no plans making me susceptible to a gamble. Added to the fact that I have over 2k in available income in my accounts which needs to become untouchable before I can walk in to the bookmakers. Instead, I packed the car and walked round a boggy golf course on my own in the miserable weather to distance myself from the urges. And for the first time in a long long time I felt like I was outside of the bubble. It felt great it felt liberating, I felt in control ( but not of my golf shots, I’m worse at golf than I am at gambling lol ). So I’m trying to take positive steps, questioning myself, thinking, and reading other people’s stories on here to help readdress my situation. To realise how bad it can get, to accept defeat and to motivate myself to beat this illness.
Thanks Charles, questions are good for me as some questions open up trains of thought that can shed light into places of darkness.