I do not understand why I am still thinking about gambling when I have so much other stuff to think about. I truly am losing total faith in myself. Last night I had a session with my psychotherapist. We diiscussed my gambling, my unhappiness etc etc. Without going into details, he thinks I am trying to self destruct because my own father died when I was 4 months old infront of me, and he thinks that somehow this traumatised me and now I am trying to self destruct. It is true I have done some dangerous things in my life and for 20 years have struggled with one addiction after another. I know no one here can help me with this but I am losing patience with myself. I appear to be a one way road to hell and even though I am driving the car and appear to be pressing the accelorator pedal.
This site is a godsend for me to write my thoughts down. This is day 2 since my meltdown and my gambling is taking up so much of mine and my wife’s time. Has anyone else found this internal resistance when they decided to quit? I read posts like Fritz’s and he seems to be doing so well – there is clearly something wrong with me at a deep level. I should say “I QUIT” and then stop. Deal with the urges, accept them, and move on, knowing I want to quit. I will never make money gambling, almost no one does. So why am I persisting? I still think about 2 days ago how I rescued myself, and apart of me thinks that I could do it again. Part of me thinks that I could win – which is so much lies.
This is driving me insane – 3 years this shit has been going on. Am I really so stupid?
Netnanny works. All gambling sites blocked. No more temptation. Hooray.
We are going to install this on all our computers.