Hey Jay. What a terrible story, I must say. I’m a 100% atheist , I don’t believe in god and all that, but whatever works for you is fine.
Where I think you’re making a mistake (and I’m not the one to judge – I’m aware of that) is that your goal is to have your old life back. I think you need to reassess that. Everyone telling you that you can and will have your old life back is talking out of their asses. Their intentions are good, but they’re not helping.
It is highly unlikely that you will have your old life back. What you can have instead is new, different life with new set of values. You need to find a new meaning in life. If it used to be success, recognition and money, now you need to find something else, something that will be equally fulfilling but more realistic. Grow plants/flowers, do some charity work, find the way back to your kids and spend quality time with them, teach them things they are unlikely to learn elsewhere, go fishing, go running, whatever, but don’t play the stupid lottery.
There are worse things than living on handouts in your sister’s condo. Reassess your goals and expectations. Why throwing money away on lottery? Is the hope of 1 in 20 million really worth the money?
Not sure how well you know different games and their payouts (I happen to know them very well). Black Jack pays 99% if you play Basic Strategy, Roulette pays out about 97%, most slots between 90-95%, bingo about 70%, lottery about 40%. And then they hit you with the tax when you finally win something – another 30%. So you’re basically looking at 28 cents on the dollar. Every time you spend $100 on lottery you might as well flush $72 down the toilette.
You need to get out there and start doing things instead of being on your knees praying or being in a fetus position on the floor all day long. You still can have a good life. Only it will be very different. Your family and you are healthy, that’s what’s really important. Everything else is secondary.