Well reading replys here seems like a nerve hit with “counting the days” I can see how this valuable for many but at the same time can be so damn intense. We can spend so much time telling ourselves NOT TO GAMBLE RESIST THE URGES – I NEED TO QUIT that it becomes utterly draining. And does not really free our mind from gambling. Even counting the days gets us thinking of gambling and when (if) we lapse we feel crushed as if we have murdered someone or committed some horrendous act.
I choose now never to count as I said. When I think about gambling / casinos winning big I dont dwell on it. I think past that point. Do something but do not put pressure on myself. I know the urges pass. I have slipped around 3948438349234932 times ….. and always came back to quitting. The difference is the past 3 years I had no real goals no real vision of where I wanted to be. That was destroyed in the Tsunami that was my life. But night gives way to light and I started to wake up again. Started to feel passionate about life again. Small but definitive steps. Plus I have a woman in my life which helps. The loneliness the past 3 years nearly killed me!!!! I looked in the mirror and saw only a monster staring back at me. These days I still see an ugly chimp but I care not lol. There I was this past sunday in a bar drinking a beer with a girl whom I am starting to have feelings for. I looked like a tramp with my cheap jeans, dreadful shoes and even worse haircut. (I cut it myself do not ask) but it was fun and it was enjoyable. And I felt something when I said goodbye to her until next time.
So here I am poorer than all church mice in the world but still here. I need to work 6 months solid now to build up the capital I need and then its restart! I will bore you a bit later with the idea on this. But it is a plan. Something we ALL need.
I have read all your replys and many of you mean so much to me in ways you will never know. If people need me I hope I am here for you!!!
< will remove the email tomorrow but its here it case anyone needs to blast off. Come on good people FIGHT!