Vera I am just working at the moment but will write more later but want to say that you have shown incredible strength to go and make that payment rather than shove it down the ever hungry mouth of the vile slots! You made the RIGHT choice! and made that choice under adverse circumstances. Be very proud of that.
It is when we DO NOT Gamble in those moments where we have every seemingly right reason to that a person can say they are battling hard to overcome the addiction. You are proof of this! It sounds so hard on you right now with the trouble with you son and lack of support. I am glad you are reaching out. You need to! No matter what your sons issues these are not solved by making you a punch bag or scape goat. And I say that with all respect to your son who obvs is having difficulties in his life which must hard to see.
You mention making the argument to get the excuse to go gamble. I have lost count of the times I have engineered negativity just to excuse my addiction. You are not alone on that but the fact you are aware of it is so positive. I have managed to write more than I thought I would have time for 🙂
Rant away type / post what you need to and I and I know others will support you Vera. Hugs from across the pond. JN