Hi Kathryn
Your words have resonated all over this site and made a difference to so many people but I understand that you want that voice in your personal life too.
By Dames being passively aggressive, he is seeking out your ‘people pleasing nature’ because he knows he can push your buttons. I believe that the way to deal with a person who is passively aggressive is not to ask questions that you think could come back with a negative. Dames said he ‘wanted’ to go so ignore his follow up grunt and miserable suggestion. The less reactive you are the less ability he has to be a party-pooper.
Finding a voice isn’t easy but what you have described is Dames’ problem not yours, so don’t take it personally. It is difficult I think to empathise with a passively aggressive person when you obviously are not but maybe you could say something like ‘This sounds like it is going to be difficult for you but make the most of it’, rather than ‘you are ruining this for me’.
Offhand I can’t think of any web-sites or particular books at the moment but I know you are capable of real happiness so go and squeeze every bit of happiness out of the weekend and turn a blind eye to anything that seeks to spoil it.
Would you have gone if Dames had said ‘no’ at the beginning?
If it is Dames’ choice to be a misery then let it be your choice to voice your opinion and declare that you are going to enjoy this weekend.
Good to see you posting again
V
