Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to a normal way of thinking and living. GA Step 2
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Being restored to a normal way of thinking an living also restores our desires and responsibility is be part of normal family functions and other activities. This weekend I was able to do just that, it was my daughter’s and granddaughter’s birthdays, the 18th and 20th with a joint party on the 19th. It was a good "more normal" few of days in addiction to the preceding one of my commemorating my reclaiming a 90 Day milestone of continuous days of being gambling free.
However, at the conclusion of these normal activities and celebrations, I experienced and had to work through temptations to gamble, the same type of confrontations that others have recently posted about; we are not along in our recovery, nor are we different when it come to urges and temptations. I told about this incident in the chat room earlier but telling it in more detail might help in facing other temptations, and even help others in making a choice when tempted or face urges.
I had rented a car for the weekend and on Sunday with nothing better to do I decided to drive across the rives to Illinois and a place that I used to hang out at on many evenings when I ran around to different bars and entertainment venues. After crossing the bridge there is a choice in directions, one that leads to "Fast Eddie’s Bon Air", and one towards a nearby casino. It was an easy and normal chose for be to make to head for the bar, but it also awakened a temptation to head for the casino.
On reaching the parking lot of the bar it was full and overflowing and there was a line waiting to get in, a place that hold over 500 patrons is packed. That is when the temptation became evident, I thought that I would go to the casino instead and just eat at the buffet, something that does not present a problem for me when that is the plan and not an afterthought. When having to drive up and down the lanes of a much much larger parking lot of the also packed casino looking for a space, it became clear to me that I was using the buffet as an excuse to feed my addiction and not any hunger, I found myself in the right set of circumstances once again — but this time I did not find myself unguarded or in a stage of irrational reasoning; it was far form easy but I drove out the exit and headed back to the bar. The wait to get in was over, a car just puled out of a close parking space, and I continued on doing what I had planed; I had an enjoyable evening of listening to music (not so great) and talking to a few of the people at the bar (I no longer try to mingle in the crowds surrounding the band in the extended floor space and area) — I am getting older and find myself putting a lot of my younger ways and tolerance to garage copy bands behind me.
In closing a warning to each here, to anyone thinking about trying to gamble again, anyone trying to satisfy an unsatisfying urge, or anyone trying to see if they might be "cured" and can gamble normally again. When you give in to a temptation or urge you are only strengthening and feeding the addiction, you are not bring about any relief or doing yourself or those around you any good at all — you are only causing more and undo hardships and devastation. When you awaken the beast as I had, it is then harder to combat the addiction than it is to deal with it head-on during extended times of living gambling free — the urge will pass, but the consequences of giving in will linger on.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware of the circumstances surrounding you, and keep your guard up and fresh.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.
