Dear (((Bettie)))! When do we stop feeling “less than.” That’s a very good question. Self-loathing is a very sad strong word! The words we use whether we are talking to ourselves or others, influence greatly how we see ourselves and situations. It sounds like you need a new vocabulary of words. I would venture to say that no one feels completely good about themselves all the time. I know that I am sensitive to rejection and perceived rejection, whether the rejection has any basis in fact or not. If I don’t get hired for a job even though I believe I’ve interviewed well, I take it personally. They didn’t like me; there must be something wrong with me.” The facts may be that someone was more qualified than I am, or they have someone they would like to hire but have to go through the process of posting the position and interviewing those that qualify. When I worked for the Public Service Commission staffing positions, I participated in interview boards where the department already had someone they wanted specifically to hire, prior to the interviews. Can you imagine if we talked to people the way we allow ourselves to talk to ourselves?? A friend comes and says she didn’t get the job. Our response to her would be “they didn’t like you; there must be something wrong with you.” And yet we treat ourselves that way!! If a person has grown up as a child being criticized and their needs not being met, they will grow up like you and I, feeling not worthy because it’s been hammered into our head, that we aren’t worthy. We need to learn to play different tapes in our head than the ones that other people have conditioned us to hear. I’m talking about me here as well. We need to learn to be kind to ourselves. Carole
