Hi Guys,
What a happy chat yesterday! I even had a dream that i banned my self. A big part of what is stopping me is the thought of not having anyplace to go when I am lonely. Gambling has been a social outlet even though when i go with my buddy we split up and play alone. I know in my deepest heart of hearts that i would go to the boat if I had some way to get at some money. I need to stop but i don’t want to. Stupid isn’t it? I really don’t mind loosing if I only spend what I entend to. This past month was the first time I spent two weeks pay in a row and it really freaked me out! Did I catch myself before it gets like that all the time until I’m on the street of was that a momentary slip?
This gambling is just like dieting. I always thought that once I lost the weight I could eat like a "normal" person. That led me to loose and gain back over 100lbs two other times in my life. Now my sick brain thinks I can control this gambling monster again. WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!!! I have read enough posts to know it doesn’t work like that but even if I ban where I like to go there are many back doors to close too. I am overwelming myself looking at the whole picture.
No gambling today, none tomorrow. Thats as far as I can think right now.
peace
bettie
