Thanks sjc1 and jvr3419. I woke this morning feeling the despair and with all of the determination of a prize fighter to fight this thing with all of the strength I have – the same as every other morning after. I am a strong and determined woman. I know that. The problem lies in that my mind becomes “determined” to do a lot of things, and one of them is gamble. Like everyone else out there, I am great at abstinence when there is no time or opportunity. The problem lies in when there is time and opportunity- my mind quickly turns from determined not to gamble to determined to just play a little. Jvr3419, I know that I have had many issues in my life that stem from lack of impulse control. I do know that i need the dopamine fix that comes from rash and impulsive behavior and have been in many dysfunctional relationships as a result. This is the latest situation that i have been needing to get myself out of and sometimes i wonder if the actual need to save myself is part of the problem as well. Do i create the “drama” so that i have something to work on? As with you, I should most likely be treated for PTSD as my life has been a series of traumas from a relatively early age, but reliving it all at this point in my life seems redundant. I feel that, if I’ve made it this far, even if it’s simply been by shoving it all way down deep, I should be able to get through this too by finding a new coping technique. I need to find something that will work with me and my needs. I did have a call from CAMH, which is a centre for addiction. I will touch base with them and try to find a way to use their services to help. Good luck on ne more day gamfree everyone.
