I was talking to my counselor yesterday how I felt that online gambling uses hypnosis tactics. Which is pretty obvious by how the games are designed. The more time I have away from it the more I see clearly to how they trap you. My counselor told me that gambling sites actually have trained psychology professionals working for them to find different ways to hook there users. Everything I’ve figured out and see now makes me sick. I’m someone who’s always been extremely analytical to human behavior I even took courses to work in mental health and addiction but ended up steering clear as my own traumas were not fully healed yet. Now that I’m finally trying to undo those traumas I’m becoming really angry that I had this behavior relapse. I no the route what made me start gambling a few years ago and I tried to get help for it when I first noticed it by working with a psychologist whom diagnosed me with severe complex ptsd. She however was pretty dismissive of me and didn’t help me much. This was the beginning of the pandemic so I realize that everybody was on edge including someone like my psychologist. Alot of lives got thrown upside-down and the longer I wasn’t getting proper help and disconnect from people,the last few years, the more my addiction flourished. Being stuck at home depressed and swirling around with major trauma issues was the worst thing for feeding my gambling issue. I’m glad I’ve gotten more clear headed because man being stuck in the fuckin trance from hell is horrible. I felt like the only people I was connecting with were the emails between me and the casino managers that loved me spending hundreds of thousands. Of course they sent me numerous luxury items, and would give me counters to reach for my next luxury ” reward”. I even got money back constantly its fucking sick that they would one day send a message saying are you happy with the amount your gambling if your concerned there’s help. Then the next day would send me 500$ and free spins to use. Like what the hell is that. My counselor was also telling me he’d go into casinos to train the employees to recognize problem gambling and what to do about it. He said not once did he ever get to the actual ” helping techniques” as the casino higher ups didn’t give a Fuck. I’m not trying to place blame as I’m probably sounding that way I’m just feeling angry at the industry for praying on people like meself whom is clearly sick. It’s no worse than bars serving the sane customer sitting in the same chair everyday drinking there pain away I suppose. Fuck addiction its horrible. I chose to get stuck in every bad thing I’ve done to numb myself I no that but I hate that my brain decides it needs unhealthy shit to make dopamine because my own stupid brain can’t. The healing journey is such a messy process but it’s worth it I no that.
