It has been over a week since I last posted. Nothing much to update really. Everyday is a fight as usual. I felt better about the scared I had about the person near my house jumped off the cliff. I appreciate the air that I am breathing in and I am happy that I am alive. Got a paycheck in the account yesterday. I don’t have any urges like I want to play. Maybe a little bit but the guilt and shame that it cause me from my big pile of debt only make me feels bad. I saw the money in the accounts and how much I have to pay the bills. I feels really sad that this will be my life for a long while. But what can you do except accepting it and try to survive everyday without digging a deeper hole to yourself.
I am lucky enough that I have a partner and a best friend who are supporting me through this. Knowing that they know about my addiction helps me to stay straight forward better. I am still in the treatment program. Now I have a small exercise to do everyday. It’s quite hard to not thinking about the big win I have had but It is getting easier to tell myself how stupid those thoughts are.