[worriedmama]

All is well on my side of the world! It is a long process and a lot of work getting oneself “well” after years of living with a CG. I am grateful for sites like this. While I don’t post a lot and due to time zone issue am not able to make it into a chat I can at least read and feel not so alone.
My CG continues to attend GA… getting on for 9 months and has had 2 relapses but seems intent on sticking with it and finding a better way of life. I celebrated my 1 year in GamAnon and have to say it was one of the best things I did to get myself back to sanity. I asked one of the “veteran” members if they would help me work through the 12 Steps. The strength and peace this has given me has been a Godsend.
I hope all is well with everyone and maybe one day I will be able to make a chat!

Cathy

[worriedmama]

I too have an addicted son and like Velvet and Monique have some idea of the frustration and heartbreak you feel.
It is so far in my life the hardest thing I have had to deal with. You have made things hugely better for yourself by connecting with others on this site. To know you are not alone and to see others who have survived and thrived whether or not their CG ever enters recovery gave me so much strength.
As the ladies mentioned please take care of yourself. There is absolutely no point or good done by you going down with the ship! You are of no value to your son if you are not in a good place. They have a way of making us feel that this problem of their own making is our problem to help fix. I can honestly say I have had times where I truly thought I was losing my mind and I didn’t know up from down. Though I resented hearing it the only person you can help is yourself… your CG will only change his life when he is ready.
As Velvet mentioned arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can and don’t do this alone… we all need support!
Take Care

[worriedmama]

Was thinking about how “we” being F&F of CG’s can slowly become addicted ourselves. You certainly don’t intend it to happen but the chaos that surrounds your life becomes your “norm” and you are left thinking who and what was I before this all started??? I feel good, yet somewhat guilty, that I am finally feeling its time to move on with my life and have the faith that my higher power is looking over both my son and myself and will get us where we need to be. Wow that sounds very new age-ish but happily that is how I feel… today!!

[worriedmama]

Hi Velvet
Thanks for your encouraging post. It is such a roller coaster that most days I just want off! My son did get back on the horse again(that poor horse must be so tired) after his last “slip” and went to GA which was very encouraging. I have realized my job is to now be supportive but for the most part keep my mouth shut. No more suggesting he get a sponsor in GA, or get the cash advance off your CC , or so on and so on.
Thank-you for your words about your sons recovery and finally finding his way to his “true” recovery. It gives me hope that my son is making his way albeit 1 step forward 1 step back!
As cliché as it sounds I know that when we come out of this hell we will ALL be the better for it!
Thanks for you kind words.

Cathy

[worriedmama]

This is so very difficult and I know how heartbroken and devastated you feel. All I know from my 6 years on the roller-coaster is they will only get better when they are ready to. I too have heard the countless promises of therapy blah blah blah …usually after a binge when they are at their lowest. For me I have joined GamAnon and really tried to stay out of his affairs – though I am far from perfect at that yet! Unfortunately you are trying to control something you will never have control of until he hits his bottom (whatever that may be). My son has been in GA for about 7 months but has relapsed twice. He does keep getting back on the horse but I try to use all my strength to stay out of it and not be the fixer. I know it is so hard for you both but try to stay positive and get yourself to a GamAnon group it possible. Perhaps start your own thread on here so you can get support!

[worriedmama]

My CG son is in the middle- a 2 year older brother and a 3 year younger sister. I know my eldest son is more annoyed with me than my daughter. He is very black and white and I think he thinks if I would have been tougher we could have put an end to this years ago. My daughter on the other hand is mad at her brother for the hurt he has caused everyone.
We try our best to keep the drama down to a minimum but sometimes it just boils over into all our lives. As time has gone on we are much better at compartmentalizing (sp?) the bad times and not letting it affect our lives or plans… not perfect but much better than it was at the beginning.

[worriedmama]

Hi San
I too am the mother of a CG. Mine still lives at home and I too have started to turn phone off at night or even when I know he is in the middle of a binge. At first it was hard but I like you have learned to appreciate the peace and quiet. I also think it forces them to look elsewhere for their drama fix.
I will pray and keep my fingers crossed for your upcoming scan result .
Take Care of Yourself!!

[worriedmama]

Absolutely did not intend to waste energy with who felt the greater pain! There is comfort in seeing that it does happen to other parents . Rightly or wrongly I do tend to feel I did something wrong and as a parent it is my job to “fix” it… after all moms have be doing it since they brought their kids into the world. I have started reading the book Co-Dependent No More and must say it gives a lot of food for thought… not just as the parent of an addict but a human being.
I work full-time and am finding it is such a blessing to be able to cut the cycle of incessant worry… what will become of him, will he be able to find a partner etc. Unfortunately due to my work and time zone it is going to be very difficult to join a Friends and Family Chat which I would dearly love to do :(.

[worriedmama]

Hi KB…yes it is a most unpleasant journey – it stinks!! Its so very frustrating and I like you have been at my wits end many times. I went to Gam-Anon this week and must say it was comforting and think I will continue. Its also very hard as most of the people on the forums and all at the Gam-Anon are all dealing with husbands or boyfriends. I know we all must learn the same lessons in looking after ourselves etc. but I must admit I would look forward to sharing with somebody who is dealing with an addicted adult child.

[worriedmama]

Hi Velvet
Thanks for your response. What I find the most difficult is the anger I feel. After 6 years of this I do know that screaming, yelling etc. gets me nowhere but I end up venting with my friends who while are great about it have no idea the hell it is… hence coming to this forum.
He is going for a psychiatric assessment this week as he feels there is something very wrong with him as he says he hasn’t been happy in a long time. I know there are issues but he can’t seem to grasp that the gambling is now an addiction that he uses to cope with and nothing will get better until he addresses it.
I have read the F&F Cycle of Addiction and the pattern is bang on. It goes round and round and I know if I don’t do something on my end to break it this could go on forever 🙁
I start out strong with such resolve and then am sucked back into either ignoring it or feeling sorry for him, neither of which helps!!

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