[wayne28]

Complete messed up got drunk last two days gambled Wednesday now 10 steps backwards. Got keep going but don’t know how

[wayne28]

Complete messed up got drunk last two days gambled Wednesday now 10 steps backwards. Got keep going but don’t know how

[wayne28]

went in checked on everyone sleeping the love for my family is keeping me strong. seeing them all sleeping I know gambling has to stop. my wife reassured me that I’m needed and loved it helped so much. would be lost without her

[wayne28]

if my spelling or grammer is a bit off apologises. I don’t read over what I type I just try say as I feel and I know if I read over what I say I will change it. so just want keep it real and in the moment.

[wayne28]

really tired didn’t sleep but didn’t gamble, stayed away from sleeping pills. yesterday was hard got really angry and on edge by end day. so avoided people. but mentally feel a little better. today going to pay some bills long overdue. a little to stop the rot and a little to reduce amount owed. going to keep going and trying. but feel a bit optimistic this morning not as much negative thoughts. will catch up on some sleep. just for today I will not gamble il take it by the minute. I get the fear if I look further from today. lots of thanks to you all. check in later.

[wayne28]

glad hear your doing somewhat better. stay with it

[wayne28]

hopefully today gets easier. I’m up ready to go. decied to get cleaned up. wash etc. wishing all you well, ready face world. I have excluded myself casinos and online betting. its the bookmakers shops I cant get excluded from bookmakers I have tried but there are so many of them and they rotate staff I always find one. so no more excuses just got stay away. goodmorning all chat soon

[wayne28]

very intresting to read could feel pain and know exactly how it destroys every dream and turns everything into nightmares. today im restless feeling panic attacks chest so tight. im only 25 hours clean. hopefully we can look back in time and laugh how stupid we have been, cant get much worse, well poor mans grave for me . funny i tried get life insurance to cover everything when i planned to take my life, when the insurance company ask me about how many times in hospital and rehab they wouldnt touch me. maybe a blessing. one last thing i found us gamblers very resourceful and very intelligent yet were thick fuckers. if only we could get time back we would taking over world with knowledge we accumalated

[wayne28]

very intresting to read could feel pain and know exactly how it destroys every dream and turns everything into nightmares. today im restless feeling panic attacks chest so tight. im only 25 hours clean. hopefully we can look back in time and laugh how stupid we have been, cant get much worse, well poor mans grave for me . funny i tried get life insurance to cover everything when i planned to take my life, when the insurance company ask me about how many times in hospital and rehab they wouldnt touch me. maybe a blessing. one last thing i found us gamblers very resourceful and very intelligent yet were thick fuckers. if only we could get time back we would taking over world with knowledge we accumalated

[wayne28]

first day i dont want gamble but my pockets are empty so is it really day 1? completely overwhelmed by it all. thanks for replys wish you all best. guess time will tell

[wayne28]

do I or will I get withdrawals what to expect????

[wayne28]

money I had last year long gone and back in debt

[wayne28]

well i gave in today on cheltenham going to bed start again from then to tired

[wayne28]

cheltenham starting today enough money to about feed myself, feeling very down and want to just go get drunk and gamble like hell forget this pain, everything ive done is banging in my head, ive no meds anymore to stop it, i keep picking horses in my head imaging the laugh il have when winning and drunk this will be the year i clean up. but sad reality is il know il be home by 5p.m drunk broke in more debt wanting to end it. my stomach has a know so tight in it it hurts, ive become paranoid about it all. feeling everyone hates me im worthless and il never be anything and im to old to change (im 40) ive done so much bad over years its flooding back after second day, im completedly lost. until later……..

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