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Can you bring somebody with you or get a money order or a cheque instead of paying by cash?
Dajakesta, if you go on that errand with NO money you will be safe. The casino won’t lure you in if you are not carrying cash.
Also, I think you would be less stressed if you arrange to pay debts slowly. CGs are impatient. Setting targets that can’t be easily attained often causes us to “try our luck”.
Be careful!
Well done on your gamble free time and your honesty.
Keeping urges secret often leads us down the wrong road.I hear you, Kin.
In 2013 , I had to make a choice between my career and my health.
Following consultation with my Employers, my Union, and the Occupational Health Department, I was allowed to take early retirement on Ill Health Grounds. with a Lump Sum and Pension.
It was the best thing for my recovery.
I have no regrets.
Stress in the workplace prevents us from delivering 100% output. This can cause us to “act out”.
I believe there is a reason for everything.
Don’t walk away from your job, Kin. Your working conditions are being changed, not by you, but by the Company you work for. Study your Employment Contract and get Union or Legal advice. You might have a case for Constructive Dismissal. Google it. Be prudent. Act as if everything depends on you. Pray as if everything depends on God.
“Render to Cesar the things that are Cesar’s and to God the things that are God’s”.
Stay calm!In response to your query about ways to speak to a CG, Partner12, I would say, as a Compulsive Gambler myself, that words spoken to or by a CG, during the active phase mean little or nothing.
The words you speak to him/her will be filtered . The mind of a CG (while in the gambling mode) is like a broken network of electrical wires with flawed connections . Thoughts are masked by a thick fog. Words sound jumbled and responses are seldom accurate. We only hear what will enable us to stay in action with minimal effort on our part, but if necessary, we will step up the efforts and use a barrage of language which will leave the listener so confused , he or she will be lost for further words! This is a well known CG tactic. Bamboozle the listener with confused messages and while they are trying to decipher what has been said, the CG has given him/herself a getaway to gamble again. Trying to communicate by applying rational words to irrational thoughts will not succeed.
What you DO , not what you say is important at this stage.
In my experience and what would have helped me to “wake up” sooner would be if my “nearest and dearest” had LISTENED. CGs send out cries for help in unusual ways. In their efforts to stop us gambling F and Fs often say the very wrong things. For example. My husband would say “Why am I not surprised” when I would text him from the casino at three am to say I had lost yet another month’s salary. My (distorted) mind interpreted that to mean ” Keep gambling . I don’t care”. Or if I attempted to explain how I felt he would say “Don’t involve me; I’m not the person who gambled XXXXX amount”. Another excuse for me to carry on gambling.
There is a big difference between “ignoring” and “listening”. CGS are very sensitive to both.
There is also a fine line between “helping” and “enabling”. The wrong words at the wrong time can do a lot of damage.
What I needed to hear when I was at the stage when I really wanted to stop would have been. “You CAN do. I will be there to support you” Of course the words would have to be backed up with immediate action e g “Would you like me to take your Bank cards and cash NOW and keep them safe for you” versus “If you don’t stop this nonsense I will confiscate your cash and cards and you will have no money to gamble”. The first is an offer of help and a way to preserve a CG’s dignity . The second, a threat and a blow to an already deflated ego.
The words a CG wants to hear to allow the “action” to continue can be drawn from the person’s mouth by intimidation and manipulation . Being aware of when you are being “set up” is important . That is the time for silence .
I hope this helps. It is just my experience but I hear many CGs sharing similar thoughts. Sometimes, a CG will listen to outsiders and take advice from them rather than following a partner’s advice. Maybe that is why GA, GT and Residential Treatment work best. It leaves the CG with our dignity, privacy and pride intact and prevents undesirable “slap ups” when /should other difficulties surface later on .
Just my personal thoughts!
I wish you well in your own recovery.
You don’t have the “addiction” but you will have been affected by it and need support for you. Gamanon provides face to face support for people in your situation.
Keep the lines of communication open with your CG. and keep it simple.
Keep posting.Hi JB and very well done on your efforts to overcome your problem with alcohol. Anxiety and depression may or may not be a fall out from your drinking days but your present situation as you describe it would certainly contribute to further anxiety, depression and in my opinion could put your recovery at serious risk.
As a Compulsive Gambler I am learning to steer clear of other “addicts” for fear I might use their situation to either deflect from my own problems or return to gambling as an escape if and when the tension builds as it inevitably, will if we surround ourselves by the “wrong” people.
As a nurse ( now retired mainly due to ill health which was exacerbated by the stress of gambling ) I would be very concerned about your girl friend’s cocaine habit. Every nurse has a duty of care to her/his patients. This is a major priority. I have known of some nurses who were “recreational drug users” (I abhor the term) until one day (just like a CG) they became a bit more adventurous, took a risk, lost control and were witnessed by a nurse colleague using IV medication while on duty, which was intended for patient use. Of course, because this is a criminal, unprofessional and unethical act it necessitates instant reporting, involving the police, the Nursing Board etc and which always results in the nurse losing her license. And it all started with using “recreational drugs”. There are programmes where “Addict” nurses can be rehabilitated of course. This is the worst case scenario. The less evident consequences of drug use relate to impaired judgement while on duty, following use of illegal drugs during the nurses’ free time. Add gambling to the mix and I don’t think anyone would disagree as to how serious this situation could become.
All you can do, JB, is stop enabling this woman.
Regardless of your relationship with her, regardless of how lovely she is, regardless of how it will affect her profession, her son’s education, my advice would be to use Tough Love. Sit down with her. (I’m sure you have already) Tell her what is acceptable to you. Set boundaries. Use whatever terms and conditions you see fit and stick to them.
You are being wiped out financially, mentally and emotionally. Is this fair to you?
Your girlfriend has gambling and drug problems. There are Support Groups for both. If she needs to get help she will. Maybe you are preventing her from reaching the “rock bottom” she needs to hit. The main thing that stopped me seeking help was ENABLEMENT. I knew where to turn every time I lost and this allowed me to continue to gamble/self destruct and even justify my actions.
I have reservations about the term “addiction”. Not all drinkers/gamblers are addicts and for that reason I prefer not to use the “Umbrella Term”. I have never met a drug user who didn’t end up with serious problems.
If I were in your shoes, I would consider taking a break until this woman gets help for her problems as you had the courage to seek help for yours.
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the WISDOM to know the difference”.Safe driving in your new car, Brendan. ‘Hope the family/friend visit goes well.
Hi Imran.
Welcome to GT.
A wife and three children are “expensive commodities” but people can manage to live very frugal and simple lives if we separate our needs from our wants.
Life should not be about survival only. I think, when people (children included) learn to enjoy simple pleasures we fall into a state of peace and joy beyond our wildest dreams. Gambling aside, today’s society is caught up in consumerism to a degree that promotes greed, instant gratification and insatiable restlessness. Gambling is a symptom of that mindset.
My suggestion would be to sit down with your wife and lay out a 3 year budget plan that is manageable and suited to your needs not wants. Children need happy parent, not material things. Of course their basic needs will be included in your plan but with your salary and your savings, I would have GREAT hope for your “survival”….provided of course you don’t gamble.
The suggestion I offer you works for me. One day at a time.
Best wishes in recovery.It doesn’t bother me a lot that you are using this technique, I-did-it. I am fully aware of why I wrote as I did but I won’t use your thread to expand on my views This is YOUR thread. Your recovery. Your life. I am delighted you are G -free and that you feel happy to share on this Forum. Most especially, I am delighted to hear you are rewarding yourself and your family with a weekend City Break. I wish you all the best in recovery.
“I planned to gamble today”….I hear you Maverick. I’m just back from the Credit Union. As I drove through the golden arch of November leafy trees this thought came to my mind ” today would be an ideal day for the casino”. I had €600 in my possession. Who would know if that went into the Credit Union or the slots?We can always cover our tracks…..
My point, Mav, is that I could easily have done what you did IF I had 600 in cash not in a cheque. If I hadn’t told my husband (although he wasn’t really listening) I’ll be back in 45 mins, IF I hadn’t a plan to go out tonight.
It’s so important, Maverick to”shut the gate BEFORE the horse escapes”…..but you know that.
Why not decide today that this is IT!!!Any news Betty?
You’ve been on my mind for the last 3 days.
Pop in and give us an update if you have time.CGs live in Fantasy and Illusion. I guess believing you are size 8 is very different from believing we are NOT gambling IF we are. Where does the truth end and the lie start?
PS Wearing size 8 cloths, if they are half your normal size could mean you’d be had up for “indecent exposure” LOL
(Lots of CGS were found out in their lies–where would that leave us?? Another sort of exposure!!)
“To thine own self be true is my motto”
But if you want to say “I -did-it”—- (MY WAY?) —that’s up to you.
I hope it works for you .
Not my style but thanks for sharing.Well done, Kin. How we react to situations is up to us. Life is not straight forward but if we train ourselves to stay calm, things will work out for the better.
Drinking and gambling often go hand in hand. We don’t need either, to be happy.Again, not being negative but when we rule out honesty, we can begin to believe our own lies!! Just sayin’!
(Just realised I broke one of the T and Cs. “If you want to disagree write it on your own thread” Don’t know how I could have done this but I will delete this post if you want me to. No offence intended!!!)
In GA honesty is encouraged but “only if it doesn’t hurt others” or words to that effect. There is a big difference between being honest and being prudent!Emocionāla sesija. "Domājiet, ka Čārlzs ir ieguvis vairāk, nekā parakstījies. Dodiet viņam piemaksu par savu! lol!
جلسة عاطفية. أعتقد أن تشارلز حصل على أكثر مما سجل. أعطه أجرًا ممتازًا مقابل واحد! لول!