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It ‘s not uncommon for gamblers to isolate, I-did-it.
The bedroom is my comfort zone too. Casinos filled a gap for years but maybe the gambling problem goes deeper than we realise.When we surrender, the fight is over.
You are powerless over this weakness, Maverick, so you are fighting a losing battle. Time to lay down your arms and realise that you will never gain victory over gambling. Gambling has you and me beaten to pulp so why wait in the boxing ring for another “round”?
Take off your boxing gloves , surrender and WALK AWAY.
Easier said than done, I know , but when gambling takes your peace of mind, it’s time up!
You WILL bounce back, Maverick.
Stay close to this site and use all the support available.Touching base to say Hi, Cathy.
Just read where you mentioned on another thread that your son is about 11 months free. Same as me!
333 days to be exact.
Every time I see a young guy in GA , I think “that could be Cathy’s son”!
Yes, I agree we do have to distance ourselves from our grown children’s behaviour, which is extremely difficult for a mother. It can be especially heart breaking when your “child” is in trouble. My son is not a CG. I am, as you know, but he has “issues” that are similar to gambling. and can be AWOL for very long periods then just as I feel I’m beginning to cope, he springs up from nowhere and everything changes.
I definitely agree that its all about the way WE as mother’s cope with this behaviour that affects our well being. As a CG, of course I took the obvious escape route until I realised that the “cure” was more harmful than the cause.
It’s not about being selfish. Mother’s will always hold our “children” in our hearts but we sadly, cannot always hold the once chubby hands that we want to grip still.
So, we surrender them to God, to the World or to Life depending on our beliefs.
I think the key to dealing with a “wayward” child, is to first of all protect yourself, stop trying to change him or her and pray that God will bring them back, through the right people, to the right road. Many things are beyond our control.
You might be interested to hear, Cathy, that I attended the very first Women’s GA group tonight.
Keep on trying to see what works best.
“God loves a trier”!!!!
I hope you are doing well in your recovery , odaat.
United we stand, dived we fall!Hi Jay,
I know the feeling that comes over us when we place a bet after we have sworn that “this is it!”
The second thought that kicks in is “Who will know?”
You have got past these two hurdles, so the next challenge will be “how can I cover my tracks?”
As you say only another CG will relate and give feedback “on the level”.
( This site was great for that when I joined in 2008; people seem less inclined to respond these days)
At the risk of sounding like a rusty gate creaking ( or like Charles), I have to ask you to ask yourself what you could have done to prevent yourself placing that bet?
Yes, I hear you when you say you are a private person, who dislikes labels and confrontations. So am I! So is the “addiction”.
Gambling addiction thrives on secrecy . We call it privacy but if we scratch beneath the surface, we may , in fact find it to be a cover for our secret behaviour. CGs like to have our own “corner”, our own comfort zone, our own “secret stash” and our own way.
We all come from different walks of life and everyone finds their own route to recovery. There are however, common traits among gamblers. Impatience and a tendency to compare with others , to name but two . These traits may serve to hinder our recovery.
My suggestion would be to come clean with your fiancé before she finds out herself . (women have a sixth sense you know!)
IF you had her onside she could have been instrumental in preventing your last “slip”. She will never, of course be responsible for your gambling. That’s up to you and me and every CG here, but let’s say you knew she would be checking your bank account or asking where you spent that time you gave to gambling or was available for a “heart -to-heart” chat about the urge when it hits you. Do you think that would help?
These actually ARE some of the things that will help you quit, Jay, not attempting to re build self trust, privately. Not trying to pay off debt first. Not avoiding the CG label.
Often it is only when a person says out loud in a group “My name is “XYZ—I AM a compulsive gambler”, that the penny drops and we take the next step on the road to recovery, one day at a time.
Well done on coming clean before you spiralled out of control.Thanks for your post on my thread, Mav.
It’s true , we have no concept of money when we gamble. Its just ammunition to keep the action going.
I think that’s why being “hacked” is so difficult for gamblers.
Even though I know I didn’t do it, it creates the same feeling of violation, emptiness , panic and figure juggling.
I hope you never experience those feelings Maverick.
When we stay away from gambling it takes time for things to “normalise”.
Time heals most hurts. Try not to think back or ask yourself what would or could have happened if you had or hadn’t gambled. It makes no difference now. All we have is today.
Make the best of it, Mav.
I wish you well.Hi Jay Kay,
Well done on your G free time.
The early days are the most difficult. The “voice in the back of your head” can’t harm you. Ignore it. When we try to reason with gambling voices they move to the “front of the head” and become thoughts. Thoughts become actions and action is where the gambler falls down.
I hear you when you say you need to prove to yourself that you can take the initial steps alone. The person I find it most difficult to trust, is me! That can be demoralising and make us feel unworthy of recovery. Knowing that we can “do it alone” would be great, if we could be sure it will work. If this is your first relapse I can totally understand your need for privacy and a “second chance”. I spent about ten years giving myself “second chances”. They came at a high price.
Gambling is a progressive disease and it eats away at every aspect of our lives. Some people may be determined enough to overcome the problem alone, but I think it has been proven that having support from fellow travellers helps enormously.
You say you dislike confrontation. Is that only in relation to your gambling or does it pertain to other areas in your life?
Most gamblers I have met , myself included, will say they would do anything to avoid being questioned about their gambling.
Often the “confrontation” (voice) that comes from within is more dangerous than external types.
Keep posting!In my experience, I -did- it and I hope this doesn’t sound negative, more than two things happen when I have ” a small slip”. The two you mentioned may happen but most likely a third kicks in i.e. I more often than not kept my “slip” a secret, decided to “deal with it my way” and before I knew it I would be back in action.
That , unfortunately is the nature of compulsive gambling. Once we start gambling, no matter how small the wager, how well we manage to conceal it or how seldom we gamble , the risk of “exploding” will always be there, but that’s only my experience. Yours might be very different.Your post is very inspiring, DC.
All your hard work has paid off.
I agree that “money is the root of all evil” when we make it into a false god.
The only “luck” I ever had when I gambled was “bad luck”
We are not lucky to be free of gambling.
We are blessed!
Keep posting!Congrats on your Engagement, James.
(When is the BIG DAY??)
And on you G free time!Great to see a post from you kPat.
Well done on your G free time.
I remember when my only prayer to God was for a win!
He answered my prayer by letting me lose.
I’m laughing at my posts showing up in your emaiL notification.
AM I NOW INFAMOUS?
Two am here. I was checking my bank account, then went to the chat.
‘Hope you stay around kPat.
You were missed.
Maybe we will meet in one of the groups soon.
Take care.“A house is not a home”, I -did- it.
I remember visiting a house many years ago. Everything was perfect. Like a 5 star hotel. Pale green and dusky pink were the height of fashion at the time. The blossom on the indoor plants matched the plush lounge suite and the leaves matched the carpet. A mahogany frame surrounded a family portrait . Mother , father and five “perfect”children. I was “gobsmacked” . As the evening wore on, the lady we were visiting announced that it was all a façade. She and her husband had agreed to end the marriage. She said “all that glitters is not gold”. He was a workaholic and she was addicted to alcohol and drugs.
That was way before my gambling days. I didn’t “get it”!
I’m recently beginning to recall things that happened “before gambling took over”.
‘Don’t know if that’s a good or bad sign?Great to hear that you are making a U Turn , Maverick.
“I am many things in Life and a compulsive gambler is one of them” applies to me too. Unfortunately, when the CG reigns, every other aspect of the person is subdued and prevented from gaining it’s full potential.
I know how you feel about bullying, Maverick so here is a proposition for you. Image gambling to be the “bully” that is destroying your life. ( I know some people call it a “beast” , but I refuse to personal gambling). For now, let’s suspend all other analogies and just picture gambling as the greatest bully you ever met. The only different with this bully , is now you have the means to defeat him . You are only powerless over the bully when you allow him to “share your space” but because you are bigger and stronger now, you can walk away.
Every bully is a coward, Maverick. In real life and in our imagination.
Turning the other cheek, Walking away and ignoring a bully is often the best way to protect ourselves.
Gambling can’t harm you when you don’t succumb to the temptation to gamble.
Time to turn your back on a “habit” that makes you feel less than the person you deserve to be.
Enjoy your time with your children. Nothing lasts forever.Don’t hold your breath!
I was promised a rebate from the same “Gangsters “months ago.
Still awaiting their response.
Luckily, it was a very small amount .
‘Hope you have better luck.
Let it be an eye opener!Well done!
Just think of the regret you would be feeling if you DID go!
Urges come and go. It’s how you react to them that matters.We keep making the same mistake, Jonny, because we are compulsive gamblers. It is a progressive disease. The side effect is self destruction.
Step One says
“Admit I am powerless over gambling”.
When we fully accept that, we will stop because we know there is no point in continuing. You will know when you are ready to stop.