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It does mean a lot Micky, to feel someone knows what we suffer after a gambling “outburst”.
Although it is almost 16 months since my last gambling episode, I can still recall the sickness that I felt on the hundreds of occasions where I self destructed so badly that I wouldn’t even bother writing about it here on GT.
Putting it in words helps to put it outside ourselves. Bottling it up is very dangerous.
The stress of gambling nearly killed me but having to act as if everything was fine made everything worse.
The after effects often drove me back, especially when support was lacking.Yes, Micky, it is hard to admit defeat but coming here and being honest is a great sign. If means you are not defeated. You have defeated the addiction by walking away and cutting your losses.
The money is gone. Don’t chase it.117 is a significant number for me, Johnny. When I was first married we moved to the country. 117 was our phone number. Imagine that’s how few phones there were! Now, that dates me! Then they added a two number prefix, then a couple more numbers. A bit like gambling debt. It kept mounting up!
Or on a positive note, a bit like G- free days . They mount up too.
How is your back?“I share this in the hope that it may possibly help just one person in the world…..”
Maverick, I hope the person who needs help reads this too.
And I hope that person is
YOU!!Glad to read you can’t act immediately on urges, I-did-it.
Sometimes I used to get a thought of gambling in my head , and before I knew it I would be on the way to hell.
Other days I would be more sneaky. I would plan in advance. Have all the “essentials” lined up and head off in cold blood.
The consequences were always the same.
Loss.
Regret.
Tears.
Torture.
Grief.
“Why Oh why”.
I never once said “I’m really happy that I submitted to that urge” but I did say, a thousand time, “I really regret that I wasn’t strong enough to say ‘no’!”
Good to meet you in the Group earlier.
Take care.Thanks for posting on my thread, Laura. ‘Hope your first day back at work went well. Don’t be too hard on yourself for what you didn’t get done. (I still haven’t sorted out my Christmas decorations and now Easter is gone!!) I used to drive myself crazy about things I failed to do but I just let things go over my head now. Some days I make a spurt and do a lot. Other days, I do nothing. Nice that you went visiting with hubby. I had to cancel visitors yesterday. I wouldn’t have done that in the past but I did. They understood. Then my neighbour came over yesterday evening. I invited them for tea (not to waste the food I had prepared for my original visitors) They stayed late and we had a good chat. My voice is gone completely today. I just need to be patient.
Regarding support, Laura, isn’t if crazy how we manage to avoid all support when we want to gamble? The good news is, the support will still be there when we reach out for it. A few newcomers, a few golden oldies, all ready to add a little nugget of wisdom to our “hoard”.
Do you read the GA literature Laura? Some good support there too.
I have never yet met a CG who regretted not giving in to an urge, but met many who said “Why, oh why, did I give in?”Better not to read those emails
Just press “delete” as soon as they pop up.Why not drop into a live group and chat about those issues ?Group starting shortly. You will gain more knowledge there and hear answers to your questions.
I often convinced myself I could do likewise, Jay. I had the mental ability to compartmentalize things in a way that I would even set money aside for “playing” versus gambling…..suffice to say everything went belly up, every time , it all ended in tears and 15 years on, I’m still finding strategies for damage control.
Just keep telling yourself “CGs never win”!The Ugly…
Firstly, GV, I want to say, I am in no way judging your GF. Number one, I’m a woman (we do stick together , deep down) and I’m a CG with all the flaws, scars and weaknesses of every other CG….so i can’t point a finger.
The “ugly” to me, is that Nguyen is STILL gambling. Despite admitting to having left a trail of destruction ( good that her son knows) she still gambles.
I was like that for years, GV. I justified my gambling by saying “Well, I don’t hide it anymore”. That gives a CG the false security that we are being honest, but in truth , it really means that we are just good bullshitters and excel in buying time, postponing the day when we will have to STOP gambling , for good.
You say, she wants to stop. That is NOT true. She has you fooled there. If she wanted to stop she would go to GA or come to this Site and share with others CGs who won’t allow her to play them like a fiddle.
Gambling is an UGLY, sinister, progressive , malicious disease. It does not go away. It will never leave a CG. The CG has to walk away from it.
This thread is about YOU, though. As I read through your post , you are saying a lot about your own values, how you view life/ women/ money/relationships, how your expectations/needs/wants can be adjusted to attain gratification of those desires. How you are “whitewashing” behaviour that you know is unacceptable to ensure you will have company. I’m hearing hints of fear and loneliness in your posts. Nguyen, with all her charm, has swept you off your feet. As a woman I think I can say with confidence that she knows she is holding the trump card. Image is important to you. Gambling is important to her. The external image of the “happy couple” can often be a facade. We all know that.
As a CG “in recovery” , of course I hold out hope for Nguyen, as I do for every other gambler. If I can stop and stay stopped so can they. But I did not do that by going into casinos , fooling myself and others that I could “limit my spending”.
I didn’t even want to stop. I stopped because I had to. Years later the “want to stop” began to surface.
What YOU need to know GV, is that CGs cannot limit our spending. We cannot gamble. Period. Why ? because we never win. The more “ammunition” we got the longer we spent “shooting lethal bullets”. Believe me during this period we can destroy many lives but guess what? We don’t give a damn because our need to gamble is far greater than our need to live a normal life.
Once a CG crosses this line, there is no going back.
While I want to say, best wishes with your relationship ( and I do see there is a better life ahead for Nguyen- but ONLY when she admits she is powerless over gambling and agrees to walk away) I owe it to you to say while she is still gambling, you are living in a Fool’s Paradise and the relationship is all a sham.
By the way, there is no need to give intimate details here. We can all read between the lines. LOLGreat to hear you are gamble free and living a happy life, Vilcsogabi. I remember meeting you in Charles’ group. I wondered what became of you. Thanks for the update. Its good to hear positive stories. I am also Gamble free so far this year. I fact I haven’t gambled since December 2015. It is good to be free! CNWL seems like a good clinic. Maybe you will drop into Charles’ group sometime too.
All the best for a gamble free future. One day at a time.Well done on 15 G free days
The early days are the most difficult.It’s 5 days since you posted, GV.
‘Just wondering if you have made any plans to book that trip for May and July?
I’m sure you will need to book it soon.
Again, I would emphasize that asking Nguyen to pay her own fare would be a way of knowing if she genuinely wants your company of if she is going along for a free ride, perhaps consciously or unconsciously to escape gambling urges or with a long term plan to tie you up emotionally for her own benefit (A long trip abroad , of course would also be a great way to avoid debtors).
CGs know all the tricks GV, and when we are in action , we surround ourselves ONLY with enablers. People who might want to cramp our gambling style are immediately knocked off the hit list.
I agree with Geordie that you would be nuts to invest money in a business with anyone you only met a few months ago, least of all a menopausal CG woman!!!
Nguyen is one shrewd lady. She keeps her body fit to substitute for her financial deficits. Without being too explicit , I would say she is “worth her weight in gold”.
I would like to ask a question.
Do you think she would be “into you” if you were just any ordinary Joe Soap without assets and had no means to lift her out of her present “low spot” that you referred to.
If you continue your involvement with her, you are taking a big gamble. You have a lot to lose (financially) by what you tell us. Your other values have already been seriously compromised by all accounts.
From what you say about this “queen”, she has nothing to lose.
She comes with a warning-Be Careful!
Keep posting!Hi Dave.
We can’t leave Life behind. We just have to find a set of skills that will help us to cope with the pin pricks that come our way.
Have you spoken to your doctor or counsellor about your depression?
Gambling serves CGs as a crutch but in the end it just makes everything a thousand times worse.
Stopping gambling doesn’t guarantee a perfect life but it does leave space for improvement one day at a time.Twenty weeks away from a bet does help us to think more clearly, Jay but it doesn’t take away the regret of what we have done. Our feelings change over time and I think the regret will fade. Using sound judgement and prudent “barriers” will help us rise above those feelings.
It is what we do today that matters most. Acting on feelings is not always the way to go, but it doesn’t stop us having those thoughts.
Writing them here in your journal is one way to overcome them.