Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Very true, Kin.
It’s the first bet that destroys a CG.Keep posting!
Life is not ideal Micky but add gambling to the mix and its hell on earth.
Your own little spot in the garden with a cuppa can be heaven.Micky, when I used to finish a week of nights, I would feel like a rabbit released from a snare. Unfortunately, the lights often blinded me and I ran straight into the trap that said “Freedom”.
In no time I became a gambling slave.
Set yourself a project for your days off, Micky.
Stay strong odaat!Just a few words from a CG who led everyone in a merry dance for years…
From what you have written, your boyfriend (if he is a CG ) is not ready to stop gambling. It seems he is not ready to commit to a full time relationship either, but he knows all the right things to say ( as I did) His hung dog look appeals to you (remember that is one of his trump cards to keep you in tow) He agrees to your suggestions in a non committal way to keep you “sweet”.
Sorry, m’dahling! but what I’m seeing here is a gambler who doesn’t even recognize he has a problem and who is living a double life i.e his buddies are not mutual friends with you as a couple. (Do other people see you as a couple?) The picture I’m seeing is a man running his own show , with a woman/cheer leader on the side line , hoping and wishing he was somebody else.
Personally, Carmen, I wouldn’t waste time or money on “couple counselling” at this stage. My opinion only, but I would take a total break from this guy for a year to give yourself time to reflect on where your life is going. It is not within your remit to change him one iota. He sounds like a charming man, but charmers have broken many hearts.
When I was in the throes of gambling the thing I needed most was somebody who would play my game and be part of the facade I needed to display to the outside world. I also expected that person (or people) to switch roles to become my enabler/punchbag/scapegoat/moneylender/slave/second fiddler, depending on how, where and what my First Love (gambling) dictated.
CGs learn fast, who to keep in the loop to serve our needs.Compulsive Gambling is a progressive disease that affects not only the CG but all who choose to allow it to influence their lives.
YOU have that choice now, Carmen. It would be far more difficult in a few years time with children, a mortgage and other trappings. Think long and hard before you put pressure on a CG to commit because when things go belly up he will blame you in the same way he tells you “you should have saved more….!!”.
By asking him to commit now, you are asking the impossible.
Couple counselling smacks of commitment.If you are prepared to play a waiting game, indefinitely , by all means keep trying to manage and control this man.
If you want to live YOUR life, give the relationship a long break and see if he changes.
Over and out!I hear you on the “kindred spirit “friends, I -did-it. Very few of them around. I guess we encounter the people we need to meet at a given time in life (and of course the people we would prefer not to have ever met) . Relationships are a bit like recovery. We get back from them what we put into them (sometimes!) The people close to us are often set aside or undervalued while we waste time looking for a “better deal”.
If I put half the effort into my immediate relationships as I did with the elusive ones, maybe things would have worked out differently. Who knows!
I hope your anxiety has subsided.The “kitty”is only a symbol of your new mindset, Micky.
No money will buy peace of mind.
We already have that peace deep down if we declutter all the baggage we insist on carrying through our lives .
My “Kitty” is being restored in the form of a Monthly Savings Plan. I can only see it online but I do relate to how you look at a jar of pounds.
‘Hope you are staying off the liquor . ‘Helps to keep a clear head, too.‘Doesn’t seem like a year since we spoke about the May Hymn, Ican.
Time passes fast.
I hope you are singing to your baby grand daughter.
Give us an update when you can.What can I say, Laura?
You’ve been on my mind over the past few days. I wasn’t well. Sorry I didn’t post.
What could you have done differently that would have prevented that happening Laura?
I “used” my son often enough to get loans (lots of them) and to manipulate him into transferring money URGENTLY to my bank account to keep me “buzzing” to know how you feel right now…….it can’t be undone Laura but really you will have to tell him never to give you his card again.
We can never say “I wouldn’t do such a thing, ever”…as KenL often said…NOT YET…
Its 3 :30 am Laura. I’m a bit frazzled
I hope and pray that this will be IT.
Talk soon…this is a tough reminder of what gambling will do to you, to me to every CG…Where is the 2k that your aunt gave you? I hope it’s in safe hands. Compulsive gamblers can’t handle large sums of money. We ALWAYS gamble it.
I had a bittersweet taste of reality tonight at a GA meeting, I- did- it.
An older man sharing and a younger man listening intently…………
The reality for a CG is that we will always be tempted to gamble. Always! It is absurd to think the “condition” will go away. Addiction ebbs and flows depending on the CG’s response. There will be some times when we feel we want/need to gamble. And there will other times when we feel we never want to gamble again. That is as normal for a CG as it is for an alcoholic longing for whiskey and saying “never again” when his/her head aches.
The sight of money. A familiar “casino” /game tune. A certain exit on a certain motorway. The smell of some food that was served in the “den”. The combination of numbers on a car in front of us. A black cat crossing our path. A sudden flash back. A familiar laugh…….everything can remind us of the “fun” gambling brings but the reality is very different .
When you look into the tear filled eyes of a fellow CG who struggles to avoid the gaze of others and listen to him /her attempting to share and at the same time block out the memory because the spoken words bring back so much hurt and pain and when you hear fellow CGs shuffling in in their seats with eyes cast to the floor, knowing that the words also apply to him ,then you will know there is nowhere left to hide. Sitting, reading and writing behind a screen and keyboard can sometimes separate us from reality.Nothing changes, if nothing changes.
Cou n t your blessings along with those pounds, Micky!
Well done on your 3 G- free weeks Craig and on using a Debt Management Programme to help with your repayments.
Two things you mention alarm me somewhat.
1. Selling your house.
I know a few CGs who did that “to pay off other debts”.
They lost the proceeds of the sale to gambling.
2. “Moving in”with your girlfriend.
In my experience CGs love quick fixes and easy options so I would suggest caution. We need to be well advanced in recovery before taking such a serious step.
‘Just my thoughts.
Over and out.I hear you Dave.
The wrong comments at the wrong time, especially if you are innocent can be detrimental to recovery.
I can’t blame anyone for my gambling only myself, but I remember hearing comments made when I was gone shopping “Yea we know where SHE is!”!! Maddening, but I have to admit I often said I was shopping for ten hours, when in fact I was in the casino , so it makes loved ones suspicious if we show signs of stepping out of line.
We need to earn back the trust. Very difficult to read the mind of a CG!
Just stay calm Dave or you will give even more reason for people to doubt you.
I know how you feel.Well done on getting through your first bet free weekend, Peter.
Feels so much better, doesn’t it?Yes, Laura, I do feel a bit like a woman with a man’s problem in GA. Its a good description. Most of the men there are ex bookie gamblers ( and a couple of the women also) but some of the younger guys go to casinos too. Strangely, I met a lot of men in casinos and some couples who gambled together, but every now and then one of them would turn up alone and say “you didn’t see me here today, ok?!”
Like you, I often stopped at the ATM on the way home to take out a few crisp notes to convince myself, not my husband, that I was “in the money”. In reality I would have “exchanged” probably 20 crisp fifty euro notes for 5 raggy fivers! How sad!
I don’t think I could cope with all the mental gymnastics again.
I really don’t think I would have another recovery in me.
Thank God you came back before the problem progressed this time.
The support here on GT has fallen off big time.