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Kin a strict diet is not the best way to lose weight. I think you know that now!
You made a huge effort, though.
I used to try that years ago.
“No white flour . No sugar”was my method. It usually lasted 24hrs and then I would go on a crazy binge (A bit like gambling)
Baby steps, one day at a time might work better.
I will HAVE to start a diet when all the boxes of chocs and the Christmas cake and puddings are all eaten.
I have become so unfit it scares me.
I wish I had your strength and stamina and the ability to jog!
The thought exhausts me!
HAPPY NEW YEAR Kin.Good post Johnny.
When I was in the throes of gambling I always justified my actions by saying “Why not?”
When I ask “why” rationally, I can find many answers, ranging from “I have no idea” to “Well, because I’m a Compulsive Gambler”.
I have many thoughts on why I gambled. I think there is a “control” element there, a “self-destructive”aspect. A sense of “risk”. A feeling of “escape”. A need to “win” (sic!)When I succumbed to “urges” it usually meant my need to gamble was greater than my desire to be free of gambling’s grip.
Greed played a huge part, too.
I lost years trying to figure out why I gambled again and again, despite the torture, the loss, the stress.
What I have learned ( too late, in some ways) is that the “why” doesn’t matter anymore.
As Laura says, we cannot gamble because sooner or later, we will always “get caught”.
For me I really don’t think I have another recovery in me.
The pain of gambling has become greater than the pain gambling seemed to relieve.Thanks for your post Laura.
Yes, the Spell is broken.
The Illusion shattered.
The Miracle has happened.
“What’s Another Year” is the title of a famous song. My take on it , when I chose it as a title to my thread was “what’s the point in continuing to be part of something that had failed me”.
That is how I felt about gambling at the time. I had given it everything and got nothing in return. It had drained me and left me empty. That’s the nature of gambling. It takes everything.
Yes, I went to the GA meeting. It turned out to be quite powerful. Six men turned up, ranging from 20 something to 60 something.
There was a very honest and humble atmosphere in the room. One man with a long recovery had had a bad relapse. I think that always brings the rest of the group to the realization that “this could be me”. That was voiced by another member, also in long term recovery. I wish could say more about that meeting but anonymity forbids. Suffice to say I did feel a connection with the people in the room.
Something that is often missing in Real Life.
Regarding living Life without caring what others think, Laura I think we sometimes get that wrong. I care very deeply about other people but many years ago I learned that my happiness does not depend on how other people perceive me. In the same way that gambling has no power over me until I place that first bet, people have no power over my feelings unless I allow them to take that power from me.
I learned this the hard way. For the best part of my life I believed my happiness depended on others. It doesn’t. It really doesn’t. Deep down, regardless of any circumstance or situation, I am happy. Lots of people find that strange. You have to experience it to grasp it. It just “is”!
Gambling brought no happiness. It brought thrills and every thrill brought it’s hangover but “happiness” is very different to a thrill.
I think , deep down you get what I mean Laura.
I wish you and yours a Blessed New Year!Raking leaves has been you salvation many times Lizbeth but it can be monotonous too. Do you ever go for a long walk? I like to put the earphones from my little “brick” phone in my ears and listen to music on the radio or a discussion . I helps me to keep walking. I only take short walks these days. Today, after I went to the Credit Union it was still semi bright so I walked along a footpath and around a housing estate listening to an interesting programme on “Grief”.
I know you have experienced the personal loss of your husband, Lizbeth and it will always be there. As CGs we all experienced huge losses and not only financial. We also have our consolations. Your grand daughter and grandson are your incentive for staying away from the casino. They will never know you as a “gambler” if you stick to your guns Lizbeth. I am no different than anyone else when it comes to recovery. I have had many “reasons/opportunities” to gamble over the past 2 years. Indeed, yesterday my son said he was going back to where he lives. He came first with me to the Credit Union. It was still closed for the Christmas holiday. I felt a panic rising inside me. Back to the “empty house syndrome”. An ideal excuse to take flight to the casino. “This was always my time of year for gambling”. “Nobody needs to know” . “I’ve served my time”- all these thoughts were spiking through my mind so I switched to the non gambling mindset that I have trained myself to develop. I asked my son to stay another night. He agreed. We went home and watched DVDs and ate for the night. The Credit Union business was completed today, so I’m off to a GA meeting now. It would be MUCH easier to drift into a casino and totally opt out. I did that too often. Stopped the world and stepped off but we always have to come back, Lizbeth. I don’t think I have another recovery in me. So I will keep the one I am presently dealing with, one day at a time.
I hope and pray you will do likewise.
I think there is something different about you this time, Liz.
Like me, you have had enough!
Thanks for posting to my Thread.Grabljenje lišća bilo vam je spas mnogo puta Lizbeth, ali može biti i monotono. Idete li ikada u dugu šetnju? Volim staviti slušalice sa svog malog telefona "cigle" u uši i slušati glazbu na radiju ili raspravu. Pomažem mi da nastavim hodati. Ovih dana idem samo u kratke šetnje. Danas, nakon što sam otišao u Kreditnu uniju, još je bilo polusvijetlo pa sam hodao pješačkom stazom i oko stambenog naselja slušajući zanimljiv program na temu "Tuga". Znam da ste doživjeli osobni gubitak svog supruga, Lizbeth i on će uvijek biti tu. Svi smo kao CG -i doživjeli ogromne gubitke, ne samo financijske. Imamo i svoju utjehu. Vaša unuka i unuk vaš su poticaj da se klonite kazina. Nikad te neće poznavati kao "kockara" ako se držiš svog oružja Lizbeth. Nisam ništa drugačiji od bilo koga drugog po pitanju oporavka. Imao sam mnogo "razloga/mogućnosti" za kockanje u posljednje 2 godine. Zaista, jučer je moj sin rekao da se vraća tamo gdje živi. Došao je prvi sa mnom u Kreditnu uniju. Za božićne blagdane još je bio zatvoren. Osjetila sam kako se u meni diže panika. Natrag na "sindrom prazne kuće". Idealan izgovor za let u kasino. "Ovo je uvijek bilo moje doba godine za kockanje". "Nitko ne mora znati". "Odležao sam svoje vrijeme"- sve te misli su mi se vrzmale po glavi pa sam prešao na način razmišljanja koji nije kockarski za koji sam se sam naučio razvijati. Zamolila sam sina da ostane još jednu noć. On se složio. Otišli smo kući i gledali DVD -e te večerali. Posao Kreditne unije danas je dovršen, pa sada idem na sastanak Glavne uprave. Bilo bi MNOGO lakše ući u kasino i potpuno se isključiti. Činio sam to prečesto. Zaustavio svijet i odstupio, ali uvijek se moramo vraćati, Lizbeth. Mislim da nemam još jedan oporavak u sebi. Zato ću držati onu s kojom trenutno imam posla, jedan po jedan. Nadam se i molim da ćete i vi učiniti isto. Mislim da je ovaj put nešto drugačije u vezi s tobom, Liz. Poput mene, bilo vam je dosta! Hvala na objavi na mojoj temi.
…these were the words that jumped out from your post, Laura.
I always seem to be exhausted or seem to be exhausted, always, even.
What I would give to be able to “semi doze”. I lost my sleep to gambling.
Wonder has this happened to many CGs?
All my family have left now. Last one today . Just back to hubby and me. I’m beginning to feel a void and have a restless sense.
I will P U S H myself to drive an hour to a very small GA meeting (hope someone turns up)
I feel I need to go somewhere.
Yesterday I was 2 years gamble free.
Maybe if I say that out loud I might feel less disconnected from reality.
Well done on your huge efforts over Christmas, Laura. It would be tempting to say “I can’t do it”. Some times it’s good to push ourselves. Sometimes it’s better to give in and stretch out and do nothing.Well done Jonny.
Whether we c ount the days or not , it’s still one day at a time and every day c ounts!Because Compulsive Gamblers never win.
When we “win”, we gamble until we lose.
When we lose, we chase.
“Savvy and sense of responsibility” fly out the door when addiction comes in the window.
Nothing good ever comes from gambling.Happy Christmas, Velvet and to all F and F members.
Good health for 2018.Wishing you and yours’ a happy Christmas “I-did-it” and a peaceful New year.
I used to “visit” these dens of iniquity, Monkey, convincing myself I was only popping in to “see a friend/visit the loo/see if I would feel tempted etc etc”
I would say AVOID even walking past them even if you have to change your route to work
They have a way of luring you in.
Above all NEVER carry money
That way you will be safe.
I read that you “played with online money given to you , free”
Are you wondering if that was “a slip”.
What do you think?
Is it a secret?
I used to whitewash gambling by calling it a ” flutter/slip/bit of fun”.
I know now that for ME , gambling is gambling
What do you REALLY think?
No need to answer me, of course,.
Just answer yourself!
GA literature says
“Don’t tempt or test yourself”
Wise advice!
Well done on your wonderful progress . Don’t take any chances!Well done 3 raser
Put your reaction down to shock
When others “punished “me in the past, I ran to the casino.
I’m training myself to react differently now.
NOBODY has the power to make me gamble.
If you had gambled as a result of that “assault”, you would have given your attacker power…I’m assuming it was an assault. Or maybe an accident?
Either way gambling is not the answer and your withdrawal shows a change in your mindset.
Your counsellor is obviously doing his/her work and you are co operating.
I’m a bit apprehensive about my son coming home for Christmas. He has a way of pulling the strings-refuses to speak directing to his father or to me. Sends messages through his brother to us with a warning “ONLY tell “them” what I instruct you to say”..” I MIGHT come home but if I do I need to be collected in the city after midnight” My gut reaction is to tell him “Happy Christmas-see you when you grow up” but I believe in 2nd chances ( he has had 200!)
I will react differently no matter what he does or fails to do.
This year he will not provoke me into self destruction.
I need to keep drilling that into my brain….
As a matter of interest 3, did you report that incident to the police??
No need to answer, just think about it.Happy Christmas, Laura and thanks for posting to my thread.
I was just running out the door as your post arrived and I’m only getting round to answering now.
I drove an hour (all back roads, twisty and with potholes) to a GA Meeting. Two men and me! It was a good meeting though and I was glad I went. I used to travel that road in my sleep to gamble. The casinos I frequented are just a few miles away, in the next town to where the meeting is held.
On my way I came across a crash. The car was blocking a main junction and there was a lady sitting behind the wheel (not young) and the driver’s door was open. Lots of car parts scattered around the road. She must have spun round and hit the ditch. There were several cars stopped and a few men in attendance. My first thought was “Maybe she was going to the casino”!
As soon as I got home I started baking and cooking. Hubby had a face on him that would stop a clock. His idea is that the night is for sleeping and the mornings are for getting up and working. Like gambling, he never “got it” that I don’t function in the same time zone as him. I made a batch of pastry Cooked a salmon and broccoli quiche and a cheese/onion/tomato quiche and a few dozen sausage rolls then I made a large chicken and veg curry. I like to have as much as possible prepared in advance We always have mushroom vol au vents, sausage rolls and mince pies on Christmas Eve but my son and his fiancee could come tomorrow so I need to be a step ahead. I’m not as “speedy” with the cooking as I used to be. I will make a sherry trifle and a choc yule log tomorrow. The puddings are all made The cake is iced so it will be just the turkey and ham to prepare and cook on the Big Day. I just don’t have the energy any more.
I smiled when I read about your presents -same as mine! Plus a few scarves and hats ( which are a ridiculous price) I cut the present list in half this year. All practical items. My youngest son’s presents from last year are still here , unopened. I’m hoping he will come home but if he doesn’t I won’t allow it to affect my Christmas. I have let go of lots of my expectations over the years. I still have standards but I know I can’t impose them on anyone else. That was partly the theme of tonight’s meeting. I was lucky to have had two meetings in a row (went Thursday night too). I may not get back for a few weeks again -health and weather permitting!
I wish you and yours every blessing for Christmas , Laura and good health (please God!) for 2018.I sense your frustration, Monica. I know it can be overwhelming at times, but somehow you are keeping your head above water.
The Social Welfare system is flawed, no doubt. As is the Revenue, Health Care, Banking System, Department of Justice and many other corporate bodies.
The bottom line though, Monica is that gambling is really what brought you and I to our current state.
Yes, I know I am far more fortunate than most but roll back four years and I was exactly where you are today. Maybe not financially (I still had borrowing power –but High Interest borrowing comes at a serious cost to our health and well being) but certainly, emotionally, physically, psychologically and spiritually I had reached the level you describe. I know we can’t compare because everyone’s circumstances are different.
I had lost connection with most people and my health was spiralling downwards. I had HUGE debt and needed to keep my job to service these debts. My boss was on my back and because I had documented her “antics” and submitted them to higher authority , I was seen as a “boat rocker” in a ruthless Service where Senior Management always unite and isolate the “trouble maker”. To add to this shitty mix , I was gambling as if there was no tomorrow……..I won’t bore you with the minutiae of my horror story , Monica. The only thing I had on my side was TRUTH. That is what saved me in the end.
I’m writing this to reach out with a message of Hope this Christmas, Monica.
2017 has not been “your year”. I could name several years that I would prefer to blot out of my life or get a chance to relive. Fifteen in total-my Gambling Years.
Circumstances DO change Monica.
The way I landed a permanent and pensionable job at age 52, was a bordeline miracle and I don’t use the word “miracle” lightly.
Things WILL improve, Monica. I pray for you every day. All you need is that one break. Your turn will come. Believe me.
It took me at least a year before I saw a little financial improvement. I will be two years G free at the end of this month. In some ways my life is better but some aspects are worse.
Life will never be a bed of roses. taking one day at a time and keeping everything simple serves me well. When I allow anxiety and stress to take hold, I begin to flounder.
I thought of you last night , Monica at a GA meeting.
I was looking at the ten men there and remembering some of the experiences you shared. They were all (except one who didn’t want to speak) open, honest, genuine guys who really just wanted everyone to stay away from gambling. I said to myself “I wish Monica was here to witness this”!Maverick, I hope and pray you get some joy and peace this Christmas.
Gambling won’t give you anything but misery, grief and sadness.
Your wife and children and extended family can be your source of joy. Simple things make great memories.
Maverick, would you consider seeking Residential Therapy in the New Year?
You deserve a break from this horrendous affliction.