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True, Kin! Giving (lending) to receive is not giving at all! It is just another aspect of greed and manipulation. Yet, “It is in giving that we receive”, which throws some light on the personal seach of my motives for lending. I have had 3 requests from the same borrower since I started this thread. I declined. I know that lending money is not good for me or for the person who constantly borrows. I have gambled too often this year. I refuse to blame “triggers” or “urges”. It is purely free choice due to lack of discipline on my part. Gambling requires effort. As does recovery. Every CG is in control until we place the first bet. Following that decision, we become powerless. Talk is cheap. Action is what c ounts most. Just for today, I will not gamble.

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I agree , Kin, that “following a spiritual programme”-i.e.The 12 Steps which, are built on God’s will versus My will, is the only answer if we want a true recovery.
There is only one Truth.
TRUTH WILL SET US FREE.
Gambling is an illusion. A deception. A lie.
If we believe we can continue gambling and still enjoy recovery, we are fooling ourselves and we will become slaves.
If we follow Truth, we will be free.
Kin, why not write out some of your comments on GT and read them when you are sharing at your 12 Step Meetings?
Just a sort passage for each meeting. I know from GA, that we can be limited by time and emotion, especially when the group is big and everybody is waiting to share their therapy.
Just a suggestion to allow others to benefit from your wisdom.

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Well done, Wills on resisting the “Saturday Bet”. For me, Saturday is not the only day I could bet. Every day /night would bring a gambling opportunity . The only three things I need are Time, Money and Access. Remove one and the gamble won’t happen. Distracting ourselves pays dividends as does support and accountability. Recovery works only if we reach out. You are not alone. Stay focused

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Nick, I’ve been around GT and Ga for a while now and I can honestly say I have never known of anyone to rejoice in another’s fall back into gambling. 

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Yes, Monica, it is good to be kind to others God knows , we all know what it’s like to be strapped for cash.

Because I  am aware that lending causes me to gamble, I started this thread. I am very interested in the thoughts of other members.

There is a big difference between giving and lending. I have some idea why I give but I need to probe my reasons for lending.

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No Velvet. You don’t sound mean. I don’t consider myself mean eaither. I give money away willingly when I choose ( not to mention the six figure sum I bequeathed to the “fatcats”!). I pick up the tab, buy presents ect SOMETIMES!, but for me lending is on the different level The same person borrows from me all the time. My question is “Why me?” Why do I need to say yes always….on that note I had a text from the borower last night saying “I’m stuck again etc etc” I promptly replied. “Sorry, I’m broke”!!

So writing about this IS having some effect.

My main concern is , when I am owed money, I gamble.

Thanks for looking in Velvet.

I’m forcing myself to interact.

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Yes, Nick. It’s a bit like being a “dry drunk”.

I manifest this type of behaviour pre and post gambling….I think it is not uncommon.

Thanks for your post.

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Of course one size will never fit all, Monica, whether its in Gambleland or Anyland. Coins in a jar would not tempt me to gamble but I do know from experience that having available money that I’m not accountable for, has been my ruination. I have heard this said my many compulsive gamblers.Small notes and coins don’t tempt me, but show me a bundle of fifties and my gambling imagination can run riot. Not always, but sometimes, which proves that even in one person there can be variations. Gambling is a complex issue as is Human Nature. “No mon=no fun”can apply to CGs in the early stages ( call us problem gamblers, addicts, pathological gamblers, whatever-I refuse to let labels define me) but as we wean off, some people have no problem taking care of finances , others – I know many who are 20 years G free and never trust themselves to handle  cash. For me , being short of money, having too much money, lending money, getting caught up in any type of wheeling and dealing has almost always caused me to gamble. Even knowing I am due a tax rebate or any extra dosh sends me into a spin. As does money shortage! I can only share from my own experience. I don’t make sweeping statements. Every statement I make is firstly spoken to and about myself. If anyone benefits, fine. If not…well that’s ok too. Nobody feels the pain of another member’s (are we allowed us the term “member”?) relapse as much as another Compulsive Gambler. Why? Because we all know what it’s like to be in hell.

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no words, Laura

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Yes, Lizbeth, I think it is a CG trait and another trait as Marke says, is escapism and (perhaps not for all, but for me) , there is a huge tendency to isolate. When I gamble, I remove myself from Life. I withdraw. Isolate. Ruminate. Cogitate, Muse. Obsess. Live in my head. Refrain from all normal activities of daily living. I spend time plotting and planning. Lying in wait. Ready to make my move. To pounce. To gamble…

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Compulsive Gambling is a progressive disease, Marke.
It ruins all who persist in trying to beat it.
The good news is, Recovery is also progressive.
Every day that we refrain from the “madness” we become more sane/healthy/wise.
One day at a time we can regain our strength.
Regarding your thought of gambling to get some money back-I tried that. Got the money back and guess what?I lost it all again and that is exactly what would happen to you.
Why?
Because a CG NEVER wins!!

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Thanks IDI and Drat. I can relate to all that both of you wrote I think the reverse can apply to my situation too. We are not just talking about chipping in or picking up the tab here, or indeed helping a friend out in a crisis e.g. illness or unexpected family loss. It’s more to do with handing over large amounts to the same person, a state of constant lending, in my case ,despite the unhealthy feelings that lending churns up in me. Here goes… I lending out of guilt -feel bad if I say no. I feel resentful immediately after I hand over the money. I often feel I have lost the money (like you describe, Drat-feels like I’ve been on a gambling binge) Stress levels rise when I’m due to be repaid NOT because I don’t trust the borrower but because I feel I will have to ask for my money, like a beggar. My pride and dignity take a blow when I have to beg! As the lending is constant , I ask myself is this friendship all about money? (I know the answer of course) Then I feel guilty in case I’m enabling the borrower to use money for something” shady”. Underlying this behaviour there has to be a deep rooted flaw in my character which needs t be checked. Everytime I’m asked for a loan I feel instantly uncomfortable Why? Yet, there are times when I don’t even wait to be asked. I offer! Ongoing borrowing/lending, like compulsive gambling is not really about money at all is my conclusion. It is more to do with imbalance of power. It’s about control. It’s about manipulation. (What do I get in return for my loans?) Helping out on rare occasions is fine but becoming the financial backbone for another person is bordering on dangerous territory. Any comments??

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Yes, I D I, I have had very bad experiences with regard to lending.
Indeed, I would say quite a lot of my relapses have been caused by lending, especially when I threw away my 27 G free months.
So, what I need to find out is why do I give people loans?
I know why I borrowed. Always to gamble. Before I started gambling I didn’t know how to borrow.
I started this thread as the topic of borrowing/lending has arisen in Charles’ group on more than one occasion.
I need to get to the bottom of this issue for my own recovery and if it interests others I would be happy to share further.

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…is one of the GA sayings, Craig. We complicate our otherwise ordinary lives by gambling. Recovery will not always be easy but we can keep it simple! Stay focused.

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Hello Marke,
Your post aptly describes the insidious nature of compulsive gambling. It lures us, then sucks us in, brings us to the point of ecstasy, forcing us to believe we could never live without our “special friend”. Then, without warning, it spits us out and we are left to face our own powerlessness.
Once we have crossed the proverbial line , there is no going back to “normal” gambling. I guess 99% of CGs have had similar experiences to yours. We start out for fun and end up as slaves, completely under the spell of an evil power until we reach the stage when we have to say “enough is enough”.
It seems that you have reached that stage, Mark.
In GT, we gain a better perspective on our “insane” lives and with the support and empathy of other CGs we find the courage to change, one day at a time.
Welcome to the forum!

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