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Thanks for your post, Jezi.
Will you go back to GA when you return from your trip?
“Sister” venue is my way of describing groups that have similarities . For example, I notice in some GA groups there is a core of people with similar interests and they tend to meet up together outside GA . This can make members (me for one) feel a bit like an outsider. Other Groups stick more to the GA principles , which I think makes for a more inclusive, open minded outlook. Some folk bring values to the group which not everyone falls in with…It’s difficult to describe but when you study the GA literature and move around different rooms you will get my drift.

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Thanks for your post, Velvet. When my husband brought me breakfast in bed today (I won’t say at what time!), I noticed he has hobbling more than usual. He said he “twisted his hip lifting a ladder”. That could mean he fell off a ladder. He plays everything down. I was watching closely for signs of a fracture. I have seen patients getting up and walking immediately after a hip fracture….Fingers crossed it’s only a “twist”. He is bearing weight, using a cane. Makes me feel very OLD to look at him! Anyway, I went to GA tonight. Left home at 4pm to figure out where the venue is in daylight. I had seen it on the GA map but I’m useless at following maps. All my landmarks are in the form of casinos. Long story short, the GA room turned out to be very near the town I last gambled in. On a very back dangerous road about 2 miles outside the town. After I found it I had 3 hours to spare. I drove to the town and actually parked my car in the car park where the casino is. (It’s a shopping unit)It is the safest/cheapest place to park. I walked past the “den” to go to the post office. The thought did occur to me that I could “pick up a few quick bucks”so I just gave them the bird and said a few prayers and decided to have my hair done so that i didn’t look too witch-like going to the meeting. They refused to let me in- too near closing time so instead of taking that as a “sign” that I should gamble, I walked to a place that was open late. The woman at the desk was saying “sorry we are booked up” when I somehow caught the eye of one of the hairdressers and she said “I’ll do it, I can work on and take the time back some other day” (The manipulative/hypnotic look of a CG sucked her in ?!) Before they knew it, I was over at the sink with my head held back. I then went to Mc Donalds to kill time, then to Tesco to buy a bit of make up to add to the camouflage , daubed it on in the car, drove to the venue and breezed in nonchalantly as if I had never missed a meeting. What I thought would be difficult, turned out to be easy. Two of the men approached me at the carpark and gave me a great welcome. The room was full by 8pm Some VERY young guys, some middle aged and a couple as old as me. We all had one thing in common-All CGs!! I look forward to going back next Thursday. Might go to a “sister” venue next Tuesday, where , one guy told me they are doing The Steps. Until then, I will do my own (baby) steps..one day at a time.

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Thank God you discovered this manipulation, Lizbeth. Forewarned is forearmed. I will pray for the safety of all involved. My son is leaving just now. He is 30 and also acts as if he is 16. He was due to be in work at 4pm. It is now 5pm. It will take him over two hours to get to the city. My husband is driving him to the nearest bus. I had white shirts ironed for him and a new leather belt for his jeans. He looks like any “normal” young man but I know he has deep seated anger in his heart. I feel I can breath now. The casino used to serve as my recovery base after his visits but not tonight! He made a remark last night that actually scared me. I can just pray for his conversion.

God go with all our “children”!

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How about telling him the truth. Arin?

It is not a good idea to put links to gambling sites here. Many online gamblers could be tempted by this.
Just sayin’!!

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When the consequences of gambling come to mind BEFORE we gamble, we are on the right track, Jen.
I remember begging God as I clung on to a losing slot machine to “Have mercy on me and give me a win”
I heard Him answer loud and clear ” I will have mercy on you by NOT giving you a win”
Faith moves mountains.
I hope you are feeling a bit better?

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The very fact that your daughter knows all about “the guy” and still decided to move in with him, would lead me to question her judgement. I’m not asking does she love and care for her child. You know she does, but addiction to drugs in the early years leaves many people fixated at an immature level. If I were in your position I would put the police on notice. Your brother sounds like a person who has been given many 2nd chances, all to no avail. The safety of your grandchild is of paramount importance. God forbid, if anything happened you would never forgive yourself. Your daughter is also vulnerable and your own recovery has become unstable as a result of all this. Has your brother a criminal record? Why is he taking this sudden interest in your girls? All very sinister and disconcerting.

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There are no time machines, unfortunately, Jen.
We just need to make the best of the here and now.
Being ill is not in God’s Plan for us. You possibly picked up some of the bugs that are doing the rounds.
Just as well you weren’t away from home when it hit.
Get well soon.

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Your trump card, Sherrie, is that you can sleep at night.
Does your husband do any cooking /housework to help you out?
It sounds as if you do everything.

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The thought of bathing in cold water would be enough to make me call in sick at work, Monica.
Walking back , uphill for your forgotten purse would be an excuse to call a taxi!
You are very resilient, Monica.
Reading your posts highlights my own laziness.
I have an easy life by comparison.
By the way, I’m interested in the reason you say you are not a suitable candidate for dental implants.

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Thank you for your interesting input , Monica. If my son’s father had supported me from day one, my son would not have these tantrums. He (my son)and I are actually very alike. Controlling. We clash. The biggest objection I have is that my husband allows him to swear and roar at me and never once has he intervened. It is a mixture of fear and cowardice. It was the same when I gambled. It suited my husband to be the victim. In the same way as it suits him to enable his son to voice the things he never had the guts to say himself. I won’t bore you with the details.Suffice to say I didn’t or won’t gamble . It throws them off completely when I don’t react as expected. I went for a 4 mile walk. My son opted to come with me. He interrogated me about different family “issues”. He gleans information and throws it back in a distorted way at inappropriate times, just as his father trained him to do , growing up.

As you can guess, I am VERY angry.

Gambling would be the very worst remedy for any of this mess.

I am also very difficult to live with.

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My youngest son has been here since Sunday…He was in reasonably good form on arrival but is slowly reverting back to his old ways. Playing his father off against me. Eating all night and sleeping all day. Mood very unpredictable. Swinging from hysterical laughter to threatening language. Using the dog as a scapegoat. Taking over my husband’s phone to make calls and send messages and most likely reading his private texts, and jumping, jumping, jumping!
In other words classical bully behaviour
Divide and conquer.
No mention of work. I didn’t ask because he has a history of losing jobs.If I say anything it will be my fault.So I’m keeping my distance.
In the past, I used to escape to the casino from that nonsense. My husband is, as usual, singing dumb. He has allowed my son to verbally abuse me for years during his visits home which up to last Sunday, have become scarce. I think he is scared stiff of his son, which has also in the past been an excuse for me to gamble.
Knowing all I know, today, for me there is no such thing as a “trigger”.
When a CG who has been given recovery tools, gambles, it is because he/she wants an excuse to do so.
I went shopping to “escape”. Back now, with a shepherd’s pie cooking in the oven. My son had all the veg ready and the kitchen sparkling clean. He has too extremes (a bit like me!) All or nothing……He also had rummaged through drawers and wardrobes in my absence which is another of his behaviours that I find hard to tolerate.
A conversation started up which has now escalated into a verbal battle.. His girlfriend phoned him. After the call I could see that his mood had changed. I asked a few questions, just to show an interest and immediately he flew into a rage accusing me of judging her and calling me all the names under the sun. He then demanded to know what I did with his laptop??? Hello!!! I bought it as a Christmas present for him 4 years ago and have never seen it since. He hasn’t lived here since he was 17. Constantly on the move . I mentioned that he may have left it in the last flat he lived in. He went ballistic. He insists I sold it or hid it?
I’m trying to keep a cool head now, because if someone starts a row, I usually am the one to finish it and end up with a splitting headache as a result so I’m putting “pen to paper” instead…..
I have decided I will not allow my son’s behaviour drag me down ever again.
I could cheerfully STRANGLE my weak , cowardly husband for keeping silent………..
After we eat, I intend going for a long drive and a walk in a lit up area . The country roads here are lethal after dark.
My tax rebate is in my bank account so when I go out I will go without an ATM card.
Not that it would make any difference because I have no intention of using gambling as a method of coping with the dysfunctional behaviour of others.
OVER AND OUT!

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I can understand why you gambled, Lizbeth. The sudden shock of hearing that your grand daughter may be at risk must have sent you into a spin. It would be my worst nightmare.
Of course you know gambling won’t solve anything, yet it serves the purpose of protecting us from doing something we might regret. I get that!
When your mind clears, perhaps you could involve Social Services if the baby is living with a person who may be unreliable or unsuitable.
Does your daughter know this person’s history? She may not. Of course you don’t want to take anyone’s character but your priority here is your grand daughter .
You need to have an easy mind that she is safe…..talking about easy minds, My son is staying here for a few nights. Although I’m delighted to see him (He came , laden with gifts for my birthday) I feel uneasy . He stays up all night, prowling around the house-very jumpy and edgy. He picks me up on every word I say and is very volatile. He has deceived me and “put many nails in my coffin” over the years so like you with your daughter, I have forgiven him at some level but I just don’t trust him.
God help you, Lizbeth , you deserve a break.

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Thanks, IDI.
I have always noticed that when I made a genuine attempt to stop gambling, a bonus comes from somewhere.
Money is not my priority but there are a few bill due that I can help hubby with. I told him all about it which would be the very last thing I would do if I wanted to gamble.
I just wish everyone would get a tax rebate. I believe the revenue has a stack of unclaimed money .
My “children” are coming tomorrow. At least I hope they don’t do a no show again I spent hours baking and cooking.
PS. God always refused my pleas when He know I was likely to gamble.
Maybe you should try the Tax Man. Do you submit a P12 Form in your part of the world?
I’m checking my bank account every hour. It will be next week before it arrives.
An exercise in patience!

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do you still c ount the days to payday, IDI?

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You have a lot going on, Sherrie.
As far as I recall there is a symbolic link between dreaming of a big house and money problems.
The unconscious mind is amazing.
Keep hubby onside. Don’t put yourself down. Nobody is perfect!
You have made huge progress.

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