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veraParticipant
Trust in God, Lizbeth .
So far , He has been with you.
You just need to re read your thread to find evidence of this.
Circumstances change. Our feelings change. Our financial situation changes. Our actions change. God doesn’t change. When we feel overwhelmed we forget that.
By the way, I would question that $89 charge for the reinstatement of your Credit Agreement. Look up the Terms and Conditions of your Agreement. That agent needs to have his wings clipped for arrogance. Customers deserve a better service. Was the call recorded?
veraParticipantI prayed that your plan will succeed -if it is for your good.
veraParticipantI am not sleeping, Monica…long term problem
Sleep hits me towards morning (From sedation) Then I sleep until 1 or 2 pm
I need to get my act together.
Talk soon.
veraParticipantThanks for the you tube video, Kin. Worth a second view.
I’m still “feeding” my Fund on the 12th of every month. The payment has gone from my current account since after midnight and will show up in my “untouchable” account in a couple of days. I never got my head around that. You pay at the check out for groceries and the money is whipped out before you get to the car, yet a transfer in the other direction takes 48 hours. It WILL be there. Unlike gambling , where the money never shows up again. I will have it restored by Christmas 2019. (I drew down more than I realized in the final months of my gambling binge in 2018.) It’s not about the money, though. It’s about the serenity of doing the right thing. Gambling can never be a right action when we know where it will lead us. I have no right to do what is wrong, if that makes sense. I have isolated myself from other people quite a lot. I have tried to get back in touch with a couple of friends. No response. On the other hand, people phone me and I don’t pick up. I need to get some balance into my life. I went back to Monday Night Devotions in Church tonight (well last night)Hadn’t been for a long time. Two GA meetings planned for this week and three “sales”. Meeting people makes me apprehensive but it generally works out ok. Knowing that I am at peace with my Maker helps. I need to takes further steps to rectify that. (Catholic readers will understand what I mean.) I’m selling a few items online and lodging the money directly into my husband’s account.He had to withdraw some today to pay a bill . He appears stressed .He has aged a lot. He never spoke openly about my gambling except to “let fly” every so often when I was AWOL until the early hours. I feel shut out of his life in many ways. I owe it to him to be consistent and pull my weight. He works too hard.He is past his sell by date but won’t give in. Restitution is not just about paying off our debts. There is far more to it than that. I need to restore my self worth -which is of course very different than self esteem. I need to bring some joy into others’ lives. I need to make more effort with my husband. I learned how to take photos on my husband’s phone and upload then onto the Selling Site which helps to attract more buyers. My husband is in BAD form. He is doing some electrical work which involves dragging himself up and down ladders. He had a hip injury two weeks ago. I thought it could be a fracture because he couldn’t bear weight and had a lot of pain but no rotation, so thankfully I was wrong. He is having x rays and blood tests and “it’s all my fault”! I’m trying to communicate with him but we seem to be coming at things from totally different angles , which has been the story of my life. That’s my midnight (almost 3am) ramble. If I were in a casino tonight, I would have to drive home, tired, sick , broke and would be trying in the last hour, frantically to get back even a tenth of what I would have spent trying ” to gather up a few crumbs from the rich man’s table” knowing I would fail so for that I am thankful. As I drove through the city tonight the traffic slowed and I was at the exact point of entry to a casino. Indicate left and the automatic gates would swing open…I had a mild flash back , visualizing the action and thought “Why would I want to enter the gates of Hell?”To “WIN”..what a big lie! Self deception has ruined me in the past but not tonight Thank God! ‘Nite all!
veraParticipantThat’s great news, Lizbeth.
I stormed heaven for her.
She deserves the best in life. You must be very proud of her.veraParticipantGood woman, Sherrie.
Take a bow!veraParticipantWe reap what we sow, Monica. If my husband hadn’t held things together financially, I could be behind bars now , due to gambling.
If , on the other hand I hadn’t been emotionally /psychologically unfulfilled , I may never have gambled. Who knows! All in the past now.
No turning back.
veraParticipantWouldn’t you just love to have enough funds to pick up the tab for everyone, Monica? We need to think beyond our need to be the rescuer. Rescuers are often very emotionally needy people! Perhaps if your sister has her claim against the council settled and when she gets the proceeds from her house sale things will be different. Perhaps not! Her daughter seems to have done well.
veraParticipantGlad the temperatures have risen, Jen.
NOT that we would notice if we were in the “hotspot”.
A month and a half into 2019 with no gambling has been worth the effort, hasn’t it?veraParticipantYour son will think all the more of you too, Monica. A lesson in Discipline and Respect never goes astray. Just text her back and say you never intended to cut her off or being mean to her but it feels difficult to refuse when you already have huge debt hanging over your own head. Suggest that she should trade in her car for a newer model or get rid of it completely and use public transport LIKE YOU DO!!! No need to be catty with her. Explain your side of the story. Then let her make the decisions. You can only walk with people, Monica. Not carry them. I learned that many years ago. The Good Book tells us to “carry one another’s burdens”….it never said we had to carry the people who don’t give a s***e about dragging us down with the weight of their burdens. The ball is in your court, Monica. Kindness and respect is all you owe your sister NOT MONEY!!!
veraParticipantIt is much easier to hand out than to say no. Justified anger is not a sin (provided we control it) Didn’t Jesus, Himself upturn the Money Lender’s tables in the temple? Let that be your guide, Monica. It is not about feelings . Far to much emphasis on feelings these days. We need to use our God given reason and judgement. Give your sister helpful suggestions instead of money. That’s what I did with my friend. I told her if she wants me for anything within reason EXCEPT MONEY I will be there. The silence was deafening. I rest my case!
veraParticipantYou could give her your heart on a plate and she would come back for your soul, Monica. I used to think I had a duty to give to others. I bought lavish presents and splashed out money when I was gambling and in deep debt (still am in debt) and persuaded myself that this was charity. I was borrowing from High interest companies to fund all this opulence. In the end it made me really ill. Is this what God wants us to do? I spoke to a lovely French priest about these issues His English was limited but he had good understanding of Life. He said “That is not true Charity. Charity puts God first. That is Humanism”. There is an old saying, Monica. “Give a man a fish. Feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish; feed him for a lifetime”. This is affecting you negatively. Is it good for your sister (and others) to be enabled? The fact she would ask for more so fast shows that he disrespects you. I’m sorry if I am misjudging her. It’s good to get things off your chest.
veraParticipantIt’s not just about the money, Monica, There is something much deeper going on here. Sibling rivalry (jealousy) that was never dealt with. Your sister has no respect for your feelings. I have a sister who stole money from me over the years. The feelings it brought up in me are as you describe. Guilt and anger. I always blamed myself. My friend who borrows from me is an arch manipulator. She got thousands over the years to go home to see her sick mom/dad/son/cousin or to dealt with some drama or tragedy. You name it she had it– a list of causes and flowing tears to strengthen her plea. I couldn’t refuse because I would feel guilty. Last week, I was presented with a new “sad case”. Shown photos to back up the cause. I had refused two previous loans this year already for her “urgent needs”. I just said “That’s very sad. Life is tough on most people”. I felt HARD when I said it but I don’t feel any guilt or anger.
Sometimes Monica , we have to say “Not my problem”. You work so hard and have so many stresses to deal withit is unfair that you have this added strain. I feel your sister does not show much consideration by always presenting her problems and expecting you to help. Why you?
Does she ever ask how you are faring out or if she can help you? I’m sounding very cynical here. I am not a mean person. Money is not my god but we have to ask ourselves why do we allow ourselves to be manipulated. Do you know why? I have discovered some of the reasons why I do it so I have stopped lending.
Enjoy your walk.
veraParticipantenjoyed the chat, Beem
Pity they muzzled us!!!
Talk soon
Keep it simple!veraParticipantDid you get any phone numbers in GA?
Give someone a call, if you did.
They will be glad to help. -
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