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Well done Bettie and thanks for all the support you have given me throughout recovery.
You ve come a long way!Well done on 2 g free years Larry!
Hi Larry!
"I tried but found myself gambling" is a cop out for a lot og CGs!
One woman who used to borrow money from me in the casino used to say it a lot. She spent a few hours there every day when her child was in school and returned every night. She played small. She always lost.She blamed the machines for her "problem"and resented leaving to collect her youngest child from school. (incidently, this child was unplanned and her older children seemed to be in charege of her upbringing). She used to wait for me in tears in the car park after closing time to borrow money for food and petrol for the next day. I refused to give her money inside the casino. Then she would pour out all her troubles to me. One night after she told me she felt like killing herself. I told her I was giving up lending money to her because it seemed to me she was using that money for gambling and it made me feel guilty. I suggested she would take a break from the slots. Her cry was "I try all the time but find myself here every day" I pushed her to tell me when she had "tried" because every time I went she was there and the staff told me she was a daily gambler. She became quite indignent and walked off in a huff. Of course she wasn’t a CG! Incidently, her name is Betty!Was that final hymn sung in Irish B? Maybe "Ag Criost an Siol"? It’s a very haunting dirge. Google it on you tube.It says we are the seed who will be brought to the barn at harvest time. The fish who will be saved in the net. The people who will be held in God’s arms and taken finally to His home…much deeper meaning in the Native tongue but thats the bones of it. Often sung at Irish Masses.
Jay O D’s soul goes marching on. His memory will haunt you forever. May he rest in peace!Congrats on your new home Kathryn! Are we all invited to the housewarming?
Home is where the heart is so your home will be warm, welcoming and full of LOVE!Bettie, did you contact Jules….????
No apology needed B!
I know what you mean about the "welcome" we get in the casino…the imprint of my fat ass was left on many a stool!"A friend from GA" B?
Things are looking up! So you are becoming part of the circle of friends!
Talking about "friends". I had an encounter yesterday and a follow up call today that would turn you off "friendship" for life and drive even a non CG to the slot machines……some people are SOOOOOOOOOO self-centred!
Hi Larry!
I just read a post you sent to Ican’s thread and two things leaped out at me.
You spoke about not wanting to quit but in the final analyses having to admit the consequences that gambling brings. I think for most Cgs this is the kernel. If I had not been faced with such devastating results and the realisation of what gambling did, and will continue to do to me, if I choose to gamble, I would most likely,be sitting in a casino tonight blisfully letting the realities of life go over my head. I need to remind myself constantly that gambling is not "fun", is not an option and that no good will ever comes from it. When I see it clearly for what it is, I will no longer want gambling to be part of my life!
The second point was to do with hankering after what is gone and holding on to part of our CG past!
Since I gave up gambling in my "favourite" arcade/casino, I have visited that seaside on a regular basis,to "walk on the beach!" I have become fond of a few restuarants there and even started to bring a couple of my friends out for a walk and a meal there, but mostly I go alone. Most of the time I am uneasy with this and could not face up to dealing with my reasons for going there. When I read your post, I see clearly now that I am chasing the past. Chasing an illusion. Holding on to a memory. re visiting the sordid scene of the crime! Going there alone could not be healthy for me as a CG. I linger around the entrance, salute people who I "knew" (probably all CGs in denial) and even meet some of the people who work there and hope they acknowledge me in some way. How daft is that! Deep down I am pining for my "lost love", regretting what I left behind and looking back on all the money I "invested" there. ..
I must be honest and say none of this has any part in my recovery Larry! The reality is , I threw my money into those bloody slot machines, I’m banned (self-excluded) from those premises for a very good reason and I will never get that time of my life or my money back.
Time to let the ghosts rests and to move on.
From tomorrow onwards’ I will find a new location to walk and if that place has a casino I will make one trip inside, only to self exclude before I am ever tempted to go down memory lane again.
Thanks for that post Larry. It was truely a Godsend!its ok to ask for a loan Kathryn!!!!
Now that Ive said it I will clarify my reticence.
Every time I got "yet another loan, I would justify my action by saying "it’s only money" BUT , money has to be repaid!
There is a big difference between responsible and irresponsible borrowing Kathryn. You know in your heart when you are borrowing for a good cause.
Would it ease your conscience to offer to pay interest to your Mom?
If you have money coming your way soon it seems like a good option to ask!
When are you moving ?Strange feeling when someone is gone and you still feel their presence B..
I have a "financial advisor" calling shortly. I didn’t sleep great last night so feel like a total zombie so I hope I won’t sign up to any stupid investment! Figures mean nothing to me. All I see is my huge debt looming! I’m checking my bank account to see that my salary for this week is still there. I have a sneaking fear that my alter ego may have secretly withdrawn it and despatched it to a slot machine… I don’t trust myself to leave the house today !
Bettie, I would give anything to hear your talk…..Hard to please everyone Bettie!
In future just remind yourself that your happiness or your recovery do not depend on invitations to parties or "eatouts"!
I used to get hung up on things like that, nowadays I let a lot of things go over my head.
Action versus REaction!
Makes life simpler!
Still no word from my friend!!! Some we win, some we lose, I quess!
Regarding you GA speech B, why not record it and then you can play it back to fine tune the emphasis, pauses etc etc. That public speaking tip was given to me a ling time ago. Nowadays I just speak my mind if people dont want to hear, TOUGH!
You ll do well Bettie! Your sincerity will have more impact than your actual words.
The first (well only really) GA Awareness Evening I attended was excellent. Every speaker told their story from their heart. One man kept breaking down but was shown great support by the audience and fellow speakers.
When is it B?Larry, is it 22 months today since your last bet?
hope they got the number of the SUV B! And that they claim on his/her insurance..
talking about car insurance…better check to see if mine is due…Well done on staying g free for two whole years Kathryn, odaat!
Where did the time go?
Glad you are on good terms with hubby again. You two have been through a lot together!
"The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know!"