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Hi B!
I ve been wondering where you got to!
At least the MRI is over now! Let’s hope the doc can use the information from the results to treat you in a way to bring a long term cure or even relief.
You must be worn out with all the pain and waiting ! Nothing worse! Will e mail you soon!Hi Larry!
Welcome back! Hope you enjoyed your trip away!
Having a new start date is exciting in a way. I heard guys in GA singing off the last gambling date,and nobody took any notice, but when the date changed , other members sat up and showed more interest!
Strange way of looking at things Larry, but what I’m probably trying to say is that " every cloud has a silver lining!", or words to that effect! Our Last Gambling Date is a bit like our age! Just a number! Its what we do TODAY that counts.
I won’t gamble today because money is very tight. My last binge set me back several thousand. Money I owed at that! Im here at home with my husband and son. Waiting for the next course of dinner my son is cooking. I have planned to watch the next episode of the Sopranos on DVD. I have a headache from spending half the night awake counting money in my mind . Adding . Subtracting. Wheeling. Dealing. "What iffing".Plotting . Planning . I keep coming up with the same conclusion.
At least 90% of my problems are caused by gambling, so why compound it by gambling today!
I know you are here cheering everyone on Larry! You are an inspiration!Lonliness is a funny thing, B!
We can be lonely in a crowd, yet be totally alone and not feel lonely at all. I have learned over the years that nobody can cure my lonliness. They can distract me for a few hours with lively conversation,and activities, or I can get excited about somebody coming to visit, cook a meal, tidy the house etc but when they leave, that’s it ! I’m back to being alone….I think Bettie, that you are looking for companionship. Lots of single people I know have good companions (I’m not taliking about the FWBs type-they are only users!), I mean someone you can call on to go to the cinema/theatre/for a walk/a meal etc. I envy those people. I (and you too probably, B) isolated myself for too long in the casino. I pushed people away whom I thought would "wreck my buzz". Now, I cannot expect these friends to be suddenly available, just because I am lonely……Gambling steals a lot from us B! Even in a husband and wife relationship,lots of people are lonely. I think we get so wrapped up in ourselves, that we forget that others might need us as much as we need then, so REACH out Bettie. I did expect my family to be there for me when I stopped gambling, but it didn’t work out like that, Now I know, I have no right to expect anything of anybody. The upside to that is that when I am treated to good company it becomes an honour. A privilege and something to treasure. My son came home just now He is cooking a meal ( we just had the starter (yum!)…When I think of all the times I took him for granted and let him wait for hours when I disappeared and gambled, I consider myself blessed that he still comes back. …
At Mass this morning the sermon was on "Hell". The priest likened hell to being forever lonely, deprived of God and your fellow man , experiencing nothing but despair forever and ever. He said that is why most people deny the existance of Hell, because they can’t face that terrible lonliness. His description of Hell was very similar to my experience of gambling so Gambling, Lonliness and Hell ARE all in the one bracket.
Interesting how CGs place ourselves in this "hell!"
I dont doubt that someone will come your way some day, B! Miracles DO happen! Just wait for the right person and dont waste time with losers! Its highly unlikely that gambling will solve you lonliness or mine Bettie!Great post Larry!
"Letting go" is far easier than having something snatched from our grasp….It means we still feel in control to a certain degree!
I heard a very profound sermon recently about our so called "rights". The reverend speaker expounded on his topic (death) by say "We humans have a right to nothing, because all we have, has been given and can be taken back in a flash". My words would never match his, Larry but when I read your post just now, it brought every word of that sermon back to me…He used the scripture analogy of the "Potter"….we are mere "clay in the Potter’s Hands, Larry. Accepting that gives me a great sense of freedom…as you say , alone we can do NOTHING…
So glad the Conference helped you..Im sure others there benefitted greatly from your sharing.
Just for today…..I will not even attempt to "let go!"Delighted to hear your stress test is clear Bettie! I meant to get in contact with you about that but I ve been so busy figuring out ways to get money to gamble, I couldn’t see beyond my "buzz!"
I sure see the consequences of gambling now . They are only too clear…had no choice but to "fess" up to hubby….the rest of my tale of woe is well documtented around this Forum, so Bettie, I wan’t to have a sweet word in your dainty little ear..if you have pains in your arms now, just imagine what the pain will be like if you use them to "tap" those goddam machines..
My humble suggestion to you B, is not to waste your time, money or energy, even THINKING about the "new" machines, because take it from me kid, they are no different than the old ones. Same as the FWB!
Can’t teach old dogs new tricks!
Thanks for posting to my thread, Larry!
Good to see you have recovered from your "crash". Your post meant a lot to me and I realise now that gambling has been uppermost in my thoughts all this year. I have been planning and plotting and looking for excuses to gamble all the time.
To say otherwise would be a blatant lie!
The Monthly Pacts DID help. I know ODAAT is the name of the game , but a Pact makes us accountable to others. And to ourselves!
Recently I felt, " who cares a damn if I gamble or not"…(thoughts lead to actions as we well know Larry.)
I don’t believe in "urges" or "slips". It’s just lack of discipline, failure to make the effort. not bothering to keep up my guard and selfish, unadulterated GREED that makes ME gamble.
And yes, Carole an MM are right.. IT’s all about self-destruction!
Time to wise up!
Thanks Larry!Sounds as if that buddy is a Cg Bettie! Did you meet him at GA or were you two gambling mates?
What are you selling online B?Never lose HOPE, Larry….
I think loss of Hope leads us to despair and CGs will always gamble when despair sets in…
I sent you an e mail , because you kindly gave me your e mail address when you thought I was one of the "UK Users" who wouldn’t be around for long.
Maybe you only meant me to use it if this Forum wasn’t available to me?
Sorry if I overstepped the mark, Larry!
NEVER SURRENDER!Have you discovered WHY you found it so difficult to hand in your resignation Kathryn?
Good luck with your new job. Life goes on!Maybe it’s time to get some other person in the bank to deal with his business, B!
Maybe it would be more appropriate for him to call his son’s MOTHER to come the THEIR son’s bedside!
Sorry if I sound heartless but I’ve had lots of those "sympathy calls" over the years. I now interpret them as saying, "I’m checking in to make sure that you are still there to be at my beck and call AND to make you feel guilty if you turn me down in my hour of need!"
Co dependency in disquise!
Testing 1 2 3!
Time for more tough love B!Send him a text saying
"Too late kiddo" or words to that effect!Hi Bettie!
Belated condolences on the death of your young aunt! They say only the good die young B ! ( Some of us are in for the long haul!)
I think of you every day B. It seems we have lost touch. I have a meeting at midday today and after that, I intend sending an e mail to you, Carole and Larry ( who mistook me for a "Brit" and gave me his e mail address when he thought I might be excluded from GT!
Nobody can exclude us from Recovery except ourselves, B!
Likewise , nobody has the power to abuse us unless we give them that power. But you know all that already!
As my boss at work says, "take it handy!"
Thanks for posting to my thread Larry, and for giving me your e mail address. I was never an "e mailer" until I started to contact a few GT members. It’s a good back up for someone who doesnt want to post all our unsavoury business here….
Reading about your "Katrina" rescue brings back a lot of memories of "Hurricane" experiences, when I chose too often to put my life at risk all for the sake of the buzz or thrill that gambling brought and still will bring IF I am foolish enough to continue taking such risks. What a pity our family members don’t put the same effort into rescuing their loved ones from the casino when we are sinking and looking for a life line. I often watched the casino door in the early hours HOPING my husband would arrive to whisk me out but that never happened…
Talking about "lifelines", I still didn’t get to read the details of the plans GT has for the future, but I think it means UK members are being referred to other Gambling sites..?! I just hope they can still join the chats and still read here and hopefully we can all drop in to the other sites for link ups and re unions. It’s a small world really and obstacles can be overcome, so let’s stay positive and maybe GT circumstances will . Never say never!‘hope you’re safe Larry!
Thanks for posting to my thread just now Larry and for a post you sent last week whickH I didn’t get time to acknowledge.
I just read your post about "remembering". I sometimes read over my post and sometimes I just press send and when I see the typos I say "Why didn’t I re read before I sent it!"
Anyway, Larry, bottom line is you cannot please everyone . We all carry baggage and as Anthony de Mello says "If you gained from what, I said,’you didit,you really did’, and if I hurt you, ‘you did it, too@, because ‘nobody has the right to hurt you or heal you, unless you give them that power over you!" I find that an interesting concept Larry. For years I apologised for hurting people and often thought they hurt me. Equally, I would praise myself for being the cause of their success/joy and give them credit for bringing me happiness, but as life goes on I have learned that no one has the power to hurt or control you for good or bad unless you give them that power….having said that we must be aware that we are all at different stages in recovery and being tactless or thoughtless can be the source of somebody elses downfall…I listened to a priest tell a story very recently about one of his confreres who "chastised" someone by letter "for his own good", causuing the recipient to take his own life, so PRUDENCe should alway take precedence over what we would percieve to be "honesty"….I don’t know where all this came from Larry or" why now" …I won’t re read it I’ll just press "post" If it arrives. fine and if it doesn’t , well that’s fine too…
Thanks for ALL the support you offer here Larry. I know it’s all given in good faith!Hi Larry,
The time has flown since you first came to GT! Hard to believe it’s 3 years! I remember reading your first posts and feeling uncertain that you would "make it!" You seemed a bit unsure yourself!
How things have changed!
What a living testimony to recovery you have become! One day at a time! plodding along unselfishly, reaching out to every newcomer, welcoming back the "lost sheep", putting everyone else first and youself always last…Thats how I perceive you Larry and my "bet" is, that many others here, will share my view! Don’t ever think, Larry that your dedication to this site and your faithfulness to other members new and old, goes unnoticed. It is people like you, who give the weaker members the strength to carry on, the incentive to "try again" when we fail, and most importantly, HOPE for the future.
Thank you for all the times you have been there for me, Larry!
Again, I want you to know you have been an invaluable assest to my attempts at recovery. I am proud to look on you as a Faithful Friend.
Your Three G’s , and the order you place them in, are certainly a pointer for all who strive to beat this gambling addiction.
Thanks Larry!
Long live Recovery!