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Thank God you hadn’t resumed working and caused further injury B! Take all the time you need! I hope you get your pay sorted. Can you call in to talk to your boss face to face and get things sorted?
I don’t understand the Top Ten business but here in GT you sure are in it!!!Thanks for your positive support Ican! To be honest I usually think twice before I press the "post" sign because I often feel like a total **** here. What I write and what I say very often fails to meet up to what I DO in real life. E.G. I preach about not gambling, yet I continue to gamble but not today, thank God! There is a huge discrepancy between my words and my actions sometimes but, as we know, words follow thoughts and we can only hope that good actions will follow good thoughts and words so writing them down is probably more sensible than allowing the feelings to bottle up and then stuf them all in a slot machine. If one word that I write has helped even one person then I know I am not wasting my time. Sometimes I feel tempted to eradicate every post I ever sent to this Forum but that comes from my own petty insecurity and lack of self esteem.
When Im not working I really have no one to talk to. My husband is not a communicator and it is maddening to be talking to yourself!
So I write ….
Better check the oven I smell burning. Also hubby has come in twice and STARED at the floor that ***** to be hovered…***** Mythea!
Although I have never posted on your thread, I have read it with interest since you joined GT!
A belated "welcome" from an "Oldtimer"!
Two things struck me about your thread. First one is the Title "Will you ***** the days with me?"
The second is the name Mythea. That name has a lovely air to it. Is it Greek? ‘Just interested in unusual names.
(I chose the name "Vera" as my gambling name for many reasons. Deep down, I don’t like that name!)
Now to *****ing days!
I didn’t want to comment on this any earlier in your recovery because I didn’t want to seem negative in any way. Sometimes a newcomer here posts once and never returns and I often take that personally and ask myself "was it something I said?".
At the end of 2009 ( I have been here since May 2008), I decided I wanted 2010 to be a G -free year.
I was determined NOT to gamble that year no matter what! I was tired of all the stress, the lies, the false promises and the failures.
I got a diary and a pen and began TICKING! Day One , tick. Day two, tick and so on and so on until I could feel myself holding my breath until I was due to be told "you can breathe out now!". At the end of the year I was like a pregnant woman who was 3 months overdue and the sad part was I could see no result to all my waiting, ticking and *****ing! What had gone wrong? I couldn’t answer that question. All I had proved to myself was that I could survive without gambling. It came to January 2011 and I told myself I was free. One night I decided to reward myself my having a "flutter" in a new casino. By this time I was self exclided from my comfort zone and had built up enough money to justify my "treat"! In half an hour I was down € 600 . I felt sick. It had not been my intention to "gamble" , just to "play" the machines. Suddenly I hit a jackpot! Beyond my wildest dream! I resolved to run with my winnings but we all know that CGs fall down on those resolutions and end up losing. ALWAYS! In a few hours I was back to where I started and I have never succeeded in get back to that G free time….Was 2010 a wasted year! No! Not at all ! It was a year I still remember with pride……
The moral of my story, Mythea is that *****ing days may or may not be the answer. It certainly stopped me gambling but it also caused an anticipation to build up inside me that left me feeling frustrated and somewhat lost when 2010 came to an end. Instead of (or as well as) ticking and *****ing, I know now I should have been setting up the foundations for an alternative life. Three years later , still slipping and sliding and with very little gamble free time, I now hope to address some of the underlying causes for my gambling . ( I know what they are but never face them). ******** days, if it serves to put a distance between a CG and his/her last bet is a wonerful idea but the time will come when you find yourself saying " WHAT NOW?" so may I suggest that, as you ***** the days that you make full use of each day to accept TODAY as it is, to forget about tomorrow and let go of yesterday. A lot of my anxiety today is related to what I did in the past and how I will deal with the future consequences . During those days when I was "*****ing" I should have been also addressing underlying issues so maybe you will learn from my experience and use the time fruitfully.
There is a big difference between not gambing and true recovery.
Just for TODAY, I will not gamble!Thinking of you Cat and hoping Life is treating you well!
I hear what you are saying about the B/F, Libbie!
Take a closer look and read Trulyshi’s Thread! Its VERY interesting !
The only way we find out what is and what isn’t a trigger is by eliminating as much as possible and slowly re introducing them to our lives Life testing for food allergies!
This addiction is so tricky you would need to be on 24 hour watch. Sometimes I think if I could just let everything go over my head, life would be very easy, then I come up against something that goes to the bone and I stick my neck out. A situation ***** at work in the last few days that had everyone astounded and nobody did anything!! I just can’t believe that people stand by and watch standards being eroded to the detriment of others and refuse to take action. Once again, I was the only one to challenge the situation and rattle the cages of the "Higher Ups!" I’m putting my head on the chopping board too often lately and coming to the attention of my Big Boss. She clearly dislikes what I am doing Other staff are telling me how much tey admire me for taking a stance! Rubbish! How come they keep their mouths shut!
Sorry for venting on your thread Libbie!
It just came out!
Yes, the Chat groups are very beneficial but sadly they are not as well attended lately as they used to be but its up to each member here to resolve that. I try to get to Charles’ groups on Mondays and Fridays when Im not working. He takes off his kid gloves and "pokes" people. I need to be confronted about my antics . I don’t ever know who the facilitator will be except on those dates.
Hope to meet you in a group soon!RTC,
I got the appointment. Monday 15th!
Can’t go into too much detail here.
A well renowned psychotherapist. I looked her up online. €70 per session! But for me,it will be free!
Thanks to YOU!
I’m looking foward to it!
It’s my new secret!Parting with a pet is not easy Aka especially when you have to explain it to a child. I’m not an animal lover but we have had cats and dogs as family pets over the years. One dog , Barney, a Corgi , lasted longer than the rest. My husband got him for my daughter’s third birthday and he **** in my husband’s arms when he was about 20!!! Once we had to get a dog put down because a neighbour wrongly accused him of "worrying " *****. In a fit of temper my husband shot that dog and went to pay the farmer any loss he may have suffered only to learn that it wasn’t our dog at all who had chased those *****……Life always throws lessons at us Aka. I have used gambling to cope with a lot of them. Its NOT the amswer as you know. Likewise the sickness and subsequent loss of your dog has nothing to do with you quitting gambling. People who never gambled in their lives lose pets all the time. This is just the distorted thinking that goes with the disease.
I hope your daughter gets a new pet. Children accept things much easier than adults. Why not offer to give an unwanted dog a home? Lots of Dog Shelters would be delighted with a dog lover like you.
My husband refused to replace the last two pet dogs who **** a few years ago. He said "dogs are too much work" but I think he may have meant that he can’t bear the pain of losing them.Hi Sherry!
I hear what you are saying about watching the savings dwindling..that money was both your reward and proof that a non gambling life is worthwhile. Now, as you watch it disappear you no longer have evidence of recovery. Your incentive not to gamble seems to be dwindling with that fund. I can relate totally to that feeling. It would cause me to panic and feel insecure too. Look at it this way Sherry. You may not have financial evidence but you have your house and that is some thing you will never be tempted to use for gambling. Money for a CG will always be synonymous with gambling. Holding money in any form always brings a risk. That is one thing I know for sure. No money=no risk. But it also means no opportunity, Sherry. Think about it carefully ! Maybe somewhere, very deep in your unconscious mind that money gave you a feeling of (false) security that should you ever want to indulge in gambling again you had a "slush fund" that you could call on. Now the reality is really hitting home. Not only is your savings account almost empty but your option to gamble no longer exists. Just my thoughts Sherry! Its like when you go on a diet the wardrobe of clothes you had paid a fortune for over your "fat" years no longer fits but the outcome of the diet had greater benefits! A new slim you! In your case you not only gained a fabulous new house and home but also a rewarding alternative lifestyle to the life you spent gambling; wasting money in an attempt to gain freedom. Its complex, yet simple when you look at the wider picture!
All the wise Gurus tell us that dropping our attachments brings freedom from our desires, Sherry!
Maybe you need to look at your desire to hoard money. I know I certainly do!
Where is your attachment to money coming from and where will it lead if you are not fully aware of it?
Well done on honing in on this desire. Food for thought for every CG , I would say!
"The root of all sorrow is desire, and the uprooting of sorrow is desirelessness!"
(PS my hubby wants to know why you are feeding that calf from a bottle? He said they used buckets of milk to feed calves!!)– 10/04/2013 12:30:50: post edited by vera.Thanks for your response Libbie!
Just spoke to Harry….It seems to me that men think very differently than women! Surprise , surprise! As a reaction to your post, I’m now going to pull myself out of bed ( I might go to the Community session first) and get at least one job done today…
I remember reading about your Sponsor.RIP. My brother was found dead in bed almost 8 years ago. Silent coronary. He was 57!
Why waste our lives!Welcome back Kin! I often think of you and miss your brilliant posts!
Numbing the area is fine until every area becomes numb…
CGs need to learn to FEEL again!
odaat!RG, everytime I spend an enjoyable day like you described, I look around and say "what now?" as if something is missing. Seems as if I still need something (gambling) to top it all off! It’s like having a delicious meal with no dessert…Where will it all end?
Enjoy your walk Libbie! Wish I could join you! Im ***** here in bed at nearl 2pm with NO motivation to do anything. I phoned a Counselling Service for an appointment which is a HUGE step for me…I feel a bit weird now because he asked me "what is the payout like on the machines?!" Is that a strange question or am I missing something??!!
‘Hope you got through the funeral without too much distress Cat. This is not an easy time for you.
Heard no word back from that One to One Counselling Service you told me about RtC so I got brave and called them just now. They will call me back later , they said to set up an appointment.
‘Hope you stay on the right track, you are doing really well!Why is today going to be a nightmare Aka? Whats happening?