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Welcome to GT, Tara!
You took a brave step in coming here. Once a compulsive gambler crosses the line there is no going back. I am a CG and have tried every trick in the book, to gamble normally, to win my money back, to go just for fun or to relax, but sadly it doesn’t work that way. The Hand of Fate has dealt us a “trick card”, Tara which means only one thing. As CGs we are doomed! We will lose every time we gamble, no matter how much we win.
Recovery, one day at a time is the only option.
I hope you have better luck in recovery than you had gambling.
(PS I hope you get money from somewhere to give your kids their birthday treats. Maybe it’s not good advice but I often borrowed money rather than deprive my kids of presents etc. Why should they suffer because of our selfishness!)Condolences on the passing of your brother Lori!
May his soul rest in peace.Well look who turned up out of the blue!
Good old Geordie!
Take about the devil!
I ‘ve been dropping your name a lot lately G!
Mental telepathy or what!?I agree with Deb, Carole.
Saying ” I gambled” is not the full story.
When I want to come clean with my husband, I send him a text saying ” I gambled! So what! I suppose you’re happy now!” I deflect from what lies beneath THAT episode of gambling. Its my way of justifying or undermining the seriousness of what I have done.
If you feel like telling us any details Carole, you know everyone here is listening with an open mind. No judgement because not one of us can “cast the first stone!”
Just wondering did you gamble to reward yourself for cutting down on calories?
Feeding a need or needing a feed!
We women are complex creatures!Feeling the emotions is far more healthy than sweeping them under the carpet, P or worse still, stuffing them (and your money) into slot machines.
I never feel anything when I gamble. (I used to think I felt a buzz or a thrill but those reactions are not feelings.) Maybe it’s because those lights and noises and smells hypnotize me.
I don’t want to be a zombie any more. I want to be real.
Feelings change, P. Everything changes.
One day at a time.
Gambling is not the answer but for a CG it seems like a solution for all our ills.
Keep calm . This sad time will pass. I pray for you everyday. I know how hard you have fought in the past. I can see a huge change in you. Miracles do happen!Green roses!!
That’s a new one on me Deb! I thought only shamrock was green! Lol!
Thanks for posting to my thread. Retirement, like returning to work, will not take away our addiction, neither will changing our friends, our men our cars etc, that old “demon” will still linger in the shadows.
As Geordie says “Just because the monkeys jumps off your shoulder, doesn’t mean the circus has left town.”
I will have to be on my guard now until my (small) lump sum, whenever I get it , is tied up. I will just have to put my debt repayments on the long finger. I’m not going to stress myself over money because if I do, I could easily make one last ditch attempt to clean out the casinos ! As if!!!
When I was your age , Deb, I went back to full time work after a 19 year career break. I took to it like a duck to water and enjoyed every day. Of course the intention was to pay off my then huge debt. Little did I think that, not only would I lose all I earned but on the strength of my earnings, that I would borrow beyond my means (the banks were throwing money at people in the boom) and lose that too….Ah well! What’s done is done and I’m paying for my fun now in more ways than I could ever dare to write on this Forum.
By the way my boss has also retired. He is 54. That also helped me to make up my mind. I never had a cross word with him, unlike the person who is taking his job….’nuff said!!I’m so happy for you Deb! From the bottom of my heart , I am!
A new grand daughter! A new man friend and above all a friend as dear as Bettie! And it all happened in the space of one year!,
What could be better! The world, as you enter your 54th year is at your feet. I hope and pray gambling will not spoil one moment of your wonderful life!
That is my Birthday wish for you!In my experience Dan, what draws me back to what I know to be the ultimate source of self destruction, is both the memory of “high credits” and potential wins AND the devastating guilt and anger at my loss, which my flawed/addicted psyche can still easily convert to potential winnings, should I have the nerve/perseverance/audacity to “try again”!
What I need to instil into my heart and soul ( I believe our desire to gamble rests in our heart and soul as much as in our mind), is a CG can NEVER WIN! Because of our faulty mindset, illusion overlaps into reality until we come to the point of being unable to distinguish between the two and all this talk of progress, recovery and healing only serve as a smokescreen until we see the next opportunity to take over where we left off and before we know it, the wheel of misfortune is spinning again and we become oblivious to past present and future consequences.
When I “decide” to gamble (it always is a decision for me-nobody ever duped me into entering a casino. The trance comes after I have cold bloodedly walked in that door), I know the risk I am taking. I either block out the consequences or weigh them up and say “for today, it’s worth the risk!” I rationalize my actions to the point where I cannot turn back, because this is “my decision, my time, my money” etc etc.
I need to put barriers in place to prevent this insanity from taking hold of me. I need to make it impossible to get past that first niggling thought. I need to know I have NO money available. I need to tie up my time. All the tools we are given here can either help or hinder us, Dan. It’s all up to each CG to decide what course we follow. The facts I have to accept are;
1.CGs never win ( despite my false hopes)
2.I will NEVER get my money back…..( that’s the painful bit for me. I WANT MY MONEY BACK, still!!!)
3. If I continue doing it “my way” ( sneaking around, fooling myself and others), I can only expect the very worst outcome imaginable….
I could talk forever…but action speaks louder than words.
Its all about dropping our perverse desires, Dan!
“The root of ALL sorrow is desire. The uprooting of sorrow is desirelessness”
Food for thought!
Keep posting! Looking out for your posts fills some of that “void!”Maybe a different buyer will turn up for the house Carole!
Maybe if you advertise more widely it will increase your chance of selling.
‘Sounds like a profitable little business!
I guess you miss being busy.
You sound lonely.
Why not try other areas of work if there are no positions available in your profession?
Work will give purpose to your life.
Have you looked at any ads for other jobs?
I don’t think we will ever find “perfect” friends…or perfect husbands or kids either!
Making the best of what we have is often the only thing we can hope for.
“Far away hills are green!”Why would you want to say goodbye to us R2C?
We re still here!I’m delighted you have found a new home Lizbeth. I have no doubt that your husband is up there “pulling strings” for you!
I hope your time away this weekend, despite the sadness ,will help you to move on to the next stage of your life, one day at a time!
You really are an awesome person!Sorry to hear that you have to use an insulin pump, B, but it could be worse.
Everything “could be worse”, so all we can do is look at life in a positive light. Connect with hopeful people. Count our blessings and laugh at Life!
It sure is one big mystery!
( I’m adding Marilee, Brit, MissingMe , Fandangos,Shaky, Judy (Warrior), Pam, EG, EJ, Izzi, Flyora,Tim and many, many others ABOVE ALL GEORDIE to the “oldtimers” list.)
Where is everybody?
I miss the good old chats we all enjoyed in the past and all the laughs.
Maybe we will arrange that get together in person someday and play “GUESS WHO”!It took a lot of hard work on your part to get to where you are today, Larry!
Recovery doesn’t come to us as you know. We have to search for it.
Odaat!Gotcha!
Thanks Janey!
Of course I agree with the reasons behind locking the proverbial door….
On that note, I had better get my act together and be on time for my 3 o clock counselling session. It’s an hours drive away!
I hate being late for anything!For me Dan, nothing will ever compare to gambling. The buzz /thrill I get every time I enter a the casino are irreplaceable. But the consequences have become too dire, so I have to surrender and kiss my lover goodbye! I often listen to the song “Nothing compares to you” and when I watch Sinead O Connor’s then beautiful face as she sings from her broken heart I see the same emptiness in her eyes that my own eyes reflect when I look in the mirror searching for something to replace what has been my “all”!….Life is not always about getting what we want, Dan, so today I am walking away from the illusion and saying, “This is not for me! I can’t have it! Tough but true!
“Better to have loved and lost , than never to have loved at all!”I missed the Gambler’s Group by 2 minutes!
Its like running for a bus and it pulls out, leaving you at the bus stop , panting!
Maybe opening the back door just once on the half hour would give latecomers a second chance!?