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Happy Birthday San!
Turning off the phone is often the best medicine!
“What the eye doesn’t see, the heart doesn’t feel!”
(sometimes!)Glad to hear you got your computer fixed, P!
My phone is one of those “idiot proof”types ( I have 2 actually), that would not allow me to post. Just useful for texting and phoning. No extras!
Why would you put a bet on a horse, P? I have no interested in that type of gambling but can see the risk of cross addiction for a CG.
I’m trying to sort out my retirement business. If I had known it would cause all this stress, I think I would have continued working. I still keep in touch with my ex colleagues and I feel as if I’m just on annual leave and will be going back in a few days. I only worked for less than nine years in that job. Had a long career break. Went back to earn money to pay off my then “not too huge” gambling debts and the rest is history….
Anyway, P, I want you to know you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Life can be a struggle at times. I have yet to meet a person who never gets a cross to carry, but as we all know gambling solves none of Life’s problems! Just creates more and more , if we allow it to.
Chin up, P!
You’re doing great!Well done on refusing the “double shift” Carole! I would have said yes! Believe you me, Carole 12 hours in a casino is far more exhausting than 12 hours at work!
I turn into a psychopath when I gamble!
Do psychopaths feel shame, guilt, remorse or even anger?
The theory is that they are void of all feelings.
Sometimes, ( not always), I have no feelings when I gamble. How scary is that!
Win or lose, I eventually become totally numb.
When I throw down my crutch and being walking on broken legs (metaphorically), the pain returns and doubt about feelings begins to fade, as I wobble forward towards a more rational place.
I think when we are in the throes of the addiction, Dancaster, our thinking becomes so distorted that we will believe only what allows us to continue on the path of destruction, desensitized to all feeling for anything or anyone, ourselves included.
In the aftermath of a gambling binge what dominates my thinking is “how do I cover my tracks” or (worst case scenario), “where can I lay my hands on more ammunition to pursue the loss!” Are these thoughts governed by “normal” feelings? I think not!
Moral of the story…don’t trust your feelings! Measure those feelings against reason and judgement and see how flawed a CG’s thinking has become . Feelings, at the best of times and especially in relation to addiction have lead me up many blind alleys.
I do not see myself as an unfortunate victim of circumstances.
I see myself a a person with free will ( albeit a power that has the potential to enslave me), but only if I make the wrong choices!
Today I can permit myself to choose freedom or slavery.
That choice is mine! Acting on feelings is not always the answer!Sounds as if you should be off work, B, with all those health problems. Its only since I stopped working that I realise how much I ve been pushing myself and then I would gamble as a reward for my efforts!
Crazy!
I hope another job turns up for your brother. It’s the same here in Ireland. People losing jobs every week. My job was very secure but unfortunately I had to cut my losses because it was taking it’s toll on my health. Not worth the money if it’s killing you . They still have not done the calculations for my benefits so I’m in Limbo,living a frugal life but not short of anything thank God! We don’t know how lucky we are materially compared to other countries,but for me and you too B,
HEALTH IS WEALTH!Congrats on getting that job, Carole! Was it an all night shift? I hope you are not too “whacked” today! Going for a Class 4 license is a challenge. I think that’s equivalent to a D license here (for heavier vehicles like buses etc).
You won’t have time to even think of gambling once you get involved in work.
Take it easy. ODAAT!I have to smile when you describe your son, San! He could be mine by the description!. “Seeing the light” every now and then! “Turning over new leaves”. Walking in and out of jobs as if he is the Managing Director. He has the charm to get the job but after about 3 weeks when that charm wears off, I think it’s more likely he may not exactly “walk out”- ( more likely gets the boot! I used to worry sick over all that carry on , but worry made no difference. I gambled to escape the worry. That made A HUGE (negative difference to ME!)…
Good to hear you will see him soon. Sounds as if you are well enough to travel so thank God for the improvement in your health. I would advice you to have some clear boundaries in place before you meet up. I’ve had so many “meetings” with my son that started off well but ended in chaos. Be prepared! Maybe set the ground rules together and in that way he will have to stick to his own terms and conditions and not blame you if things go belly up.
My son’s birthday is next month too. I have been let down so often with birthday plans that I just do the bare minimum now to protect myself from running to the casino as a result of a “no show!”!
Take care of your health. You don’t want any set backs an You seem to be doing well!I’m delighted to hear you got some sleep at last. P.
“Balm of hurt minds;Great nature’s second course!” (Macbeth).So sorry to hear about the death of your friend B! Only 55!
Scary!
I don’t get it about the online casino pop ups! Thank God, I’m not technical.
My daughter (in Oz) often says “let’s Skype” but it never happened! I do get a lot of Skype pop ups though, mainly from army guys in the U S. I cant figure how that happens and I won’t try!
I loved what you wrote about “Taking the poison and hoping it will kill the other person”, B.
I wanted to punish hubby and son yesterday. They were going against me big time just to be awkward.
I thought “I ll shut them up by disappearing and do my own thing!” Then I remembered your” poison “analogy and decided to come home and stuff myself with food instead.
More stinkin’ thinkin’, but at least it didn’t cost me a Grand!just remember your last gambling binge P.
I felt like gambling today, too, but I’m safe in my bed now. 12.45.
The feeling will pass.
Try anything to stop yourself going. I looked in on the chat but there was no one there…Just wondering where you got to Libbie?
Hope all is well in your world and you haven’t “crawled back under that security blanket!”
Maybe work or family visits are keeping you away.
Either way, I want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers!
I started watching Downton Abbey. Got the box set. Money well spent. Keeps me out of the casino (today)! I love it!Great to meet you in the chat….success at last. I had begun to think I was in the wrong place because no one ever turned up until today!
Glad it was YOU, Laura!
Take care and keeping moving along, gently!Banks are closed in Ireland on Saturdays and Sundays, Debbie! As this is a Bank holiday weekend, they will be closed Monday too! Do you get extra pay for Saturdays or a day off instead?
Think of all the Saturdays we wasted in the casino….and Sundays, and Mondays, Tuesdays etc etc.!
I could visualize little Sarah toddling over with your birthday card! These are the memories we should be storing in our treasure chest, Debbie. Better than the memory of staggering from a casino like zombies, fumbling for the car keys after yet another losing streak. Think of all you would be missing if you were still gambling! I have no grandchildren Debbie (my grown up kids can barely fend for themselves) but I am close to my nieces’ and nephews’ children and I love watching their antics . The youngest baby in the extended family born in July ( a honeymoon baby) and she is going on her first holiday to Spain tomorrow. My sister’s grandchild. I felt a bit peeved that I wasn’t asked if I would like to go with the family group since I’m now free and easy. Every holiday my sister ever went on when she knew I was working, she would send me a text saying “We would all LOVE you to come with us. Why don’t you ask for time off?”. This time she just texted me to say “we are leaving for Spain on Sunday” and listed all the family members who were going….makes me feel like having my own little private holiday in the casino, but I WON’T. I will arrange the week ahead and save my (now limited) cash for better things!
Hope you have an easy day Deb!Lack of sleep is the worst thing P! I have suffered from insomnia for years. Sometimes the cause is mental. Sometimes, physical. Noise or light would keep me awake all night, so I make sure I won’t be affected by either. I use ear plugs (try them!)and everyone who ever stayed in my house knows better than to turn on lights after I retire! Except for the odd all night party, I get by but I do feel very selfish laying down so many rules ! Only people who suffer from insomnia can relate, in the same way that CGs can relate to those who share the problem.
Walking in the daytime certainly helps sometimes, but the exhaustion that a sleepless night causes makes it difficult to walk.
So that’s my little lecture on insomnia, P! Not very helpful but at least you know you are not alone.
I envy people who can close their eyes and switch off.
I can’t remember what its like to wake up feeling refreshed.
I don’t wonder that your moods are labile and that you feel sad and down at times. I simply cannot function without sleep. That is one of the reasons I decided to take early retirement. Now I can stay up half the night and not have to stagger out of bed at cock crow , drive for 30 minutes and face a 12 hour shift.
After Christmas, I will do some agency work if I can get afternoon and evening shifts, but for now, I ‘ll enjoy being a lady of leisure and “eat when I’m hungry and drink when I’m dry”. The only thing off bounds is gambling!
I think of you a lot P and hope and pray you find balance and stability in your life. ODAAT!It must be a huge shock to your step-daughter to hear of her father’s passing, Lizbeth. Did she not know he was ill? Depending on your relationship with her, she may or may not take her inheritance. I must admit I have come across a couple of gold diggers in my day. Some in my immediate family. It amazes me how people react when it comes to money. All sense of dignity and respect can be lost. All you can do is what is best for you Lizbeth and that does not include gambling.
You have born your cross with dignity.