[vera]

Relationships that tie us to another person. are a bit like gambling, Monica. I have had a similar person in my life for years. The more we “dip in” the more difficult it is to make a clean break.
Like gambling, I did get “rewards” but the cost of being always available is too high.
I gave far more than I got.

[vera]

Thanks, Kin, IDI, Meghna, RG, Charles, Monica .
My first update since July 7th.
Suffice to say, I lost everything. As we all know a CG will NEVER win.
I am trying to be normal/proactive today.
It is very difficult to re enter the Real World but the alternative is bleak.
I forced myself to walk for 90 minutes this evening -a walk that I used to do in half the time and at every step my body ached , the clothes were stuck to me due to the humid weather and my unfit state ( due to the inertia that comes with gambling) but at least I was moving and breathing in fresh air instead of sitting like a zombie waiting for a “big win”.
My Debit Card is blocked so no more deposits.
Just for today, I will not gamble.

[vera]

During my 90 minute walk this evening, Monica.I listened to music on my phone. The Frank/Nancy Sinatra song “Something Stupid” was played. In my mind, I dedicated it to you (and Pete).
It’s not easy to let go.

[vera]

Thanks to you, Kin for your ever faithful interest and concern.

Kathryn, “standing up and dusting off” becomes more difficult every time, but I will CRAWL back on my belly like a beaten animal, licking my raw wounds along the way, one day at a time.

Charles, since you always ask “what are you doing differently?”. I will say a few words on what I did differently in recent months.

1. I stopped going to casinos.

2. I started gambling online (took to it like a moth to a flame and retreated into a type of solitary confinement where I became untouchable. Anyone who ever gambled online will relate)

3. Last night  BIG “different action”took place. I “won” (sic) and decided to withdraw. They said “you must wait a week”. That of course is the downfall of a CG and the sure guarantee that the casinos never lose.

I WOKE UP! Locked down the laptop. Called my husband (I was ill , in bed from 2 horrendous “all nighters”, online) and told him I had something serious to discuss, (Very difficult to get his attention-he lives in the “Garden/DIY “world) Long story short, I drummed it into his skull that I CANNOT be allowed use the laptop unsupervised as I had gambled and “won” and there is a payout pending. He agreed and I am presently giving this update with him lurking in the background, (Incidentally , he doesn’t seem to know the difference between GT and Gambling Sites—MEN!!!)

Anyway today is 12th…my Fund still exists but has been almost halved but I still continue to pay in the standing order every month. It will be fully restored by Christmas.

I just had an email from the casino telling me half of my winnings will be released to my bank in 2 to 3 days and the remainder in about ten days…I can wait…

Hard lesson learned.

Today I will not think about not gambling.

I will be calm and patient.

I will shop for groceries ( I have vouchers) I will walk.

I will pull weeds in the garden.

I will cook.

I WILL LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD.

Best wishes to one and all.

I will post on everyone’s thread in the near future, when I can see straight.

To RG , I think of you every day and am praying for your dear dad.

To Lizbeth, Thank God your daughter wasn’t injured in that accident .

Steev, happy travels. Thinking of you carrying luggage through train stations (normal activity of everyday life)

Monica, you know you are always in my thoughts and prayers.

IDI, I don’t know how you have functioned all those years ,gambling online. I would be DEAD. Carrying a mobile SMART phone is like carrying a loaded shot gun. (By the way I was never good at Maths -especially percentages)

Meghna, Thank God you have gotten to grips with this killer addiction.

Sherrie, you are The Queen of England in disquise! (hope you’re a Royalist!!)

To one and all I say this

Stay miles away from online gambling

It  comes with a serious health risk (not to mention the financial suicide it can cause)

That’s all I can write for now…hubby is giving me filthy looks and tut tutting…..

[vera]

What a joke!! The Site I “had fun” on, sent me an email announcing that I have reached VIP status (in reality they are saying they have copped on to my maniacal style of gambling), congratulated me on my “win”, reassured me it’s on it’s way to my bank and even had the audacity to ask what I intend spending it on!!!?!? Do they not realize they are blowing their cover? I’m wide awake today. My mind is clear. I’m waiting for the “win” to hit my account. I will remove it in 4 stages and replace the void gambling created in my Post Office Account.

Will I tell my VIP Special Assistant this? No. I will delete the email.

I just went shopping. (Had cash set aside for that) Used vouchers to get the best value so that indicates traces of normality.

Gambling comes with a high price tag. “Winnings”ALWAYS have strings attached. I have plans made for the week that do not include using the laptop except for short spells. (Glad I’m not in France -40 degrees forecast!!)

[vera]

Thanks, Kin, Lizbeth , Charles.
I don’t really want to post on my own thread.
I don’t want to go to GA.
I went to a Higher Level today . Confession for those who know about it lifts us from worldly desires. The priest, like most GA members “got it”!
I have absolutely no access to money today so I cannot gamble.
Today.

[vera]

I hear you on the bank balance issue, Meghna.
It seems a lot of “shadow transactions” appear when there is hyper activity on an account. A manifestation of the out of control behaviour a CG gets caught up in when in action.
Well done on your 4 GF days.
I vowed I wouldn’t gamble last night.
I didn’t!
Off to meet a friend for a day trip now so I’m safe for the next ten hours!
Enjoy your baby. Stay close to your family. Gambling has nothing to do with Real Life!

[vera]

PS. I just tried to join the group only to be told “you do not have permission to join”
?????????????

[vera]

I would like to post to everyone, especially the recent “relapsers” but I can’t because of the tunnel vision gambling has created in my now very narrow life.
Gambling enslaves and restricts me from reality when I give it that power. My brain becomes hijacked and I can’t think or breathe beyond the mental sewer that overtakes my very being.
JUST FOR TONIGHT, I will not gamble.

[vera]

Kin, thank you sincerely for your kind post on my thread.
I’m struggling but by God’s grace, I will quit this madness for good, soon.
I believe it is only by God’s grace that gamblers decide to draw a line under the losses and surrender.
No human effort works.
I agree with what Meghna says, above. It is within our control whether we start gambling or decide to refrain.
ONCE WE PLACE THE FIRST BET, WE ARE POWERLESS OVER THE REST.
That is the nature of this destructive addiction. All or nothing!
Take care, Kin.
You are a very faithful friend.

[vera]

There is a “rule”/”condition”/ “understanding” in GA that members do not mention sums of money.
I find this very helpful.
I do wish GT would implement a similar condition.
The CG part of my psyche can’t handle thoughts about money, in the same way that I can’t/should not handle money in real life.
Thinking about lost money affects me badly.
Just wonder how this sits with you, Meghna?

[vera]

Thanks for posting on my thread, Steev. Life is a mystery, no doubt! Sorry to hear you had “gut” problems on your travels. Nothing worse! I remember travelling through France many years ago with four people I didn’t know too well and I went “belly up” in the back seat. The only toilets were “hole in the floor” type. The driver was intent on reaching our destination. I didn’t know him well but I could see he was “eyeing me up” on that trip a journey that had a major impact on the next ten years of my life. That was long before I gambled but that whole “affair” (small A) ended up with my seeking solace in the wrong place…

Memories, memories, memories!

I wish I could speak French. I wasted so many years doing what amounted to nothing.

Safe travelling, Steev and thanks for taking time to support all on GT.

[vera]

…on the passing of Diane,
May her soul rest in peace.

[vera]

Thanks for posting to my thread, IDI.
I’m in a stupor.
Numb from the neck up!
Self destruction takes it’s toll.
God forgive me!!

[vera]

Catching up on Threads, Monica. as I slowly crawl out from under the devil’s cloak and try to reclaim my sick soul.
I love my adult sons but I couldn’t live with them.
Chaos sends me into a head spin and as a CG, I “unspin” in the same old hellhole every time, doing what comes naturally to to people with a gambling addiction/compulsion/craze/habit/attraction/or whatever term we chose to use for what I see this night as INSANITY OF THE HIGHEST ORDER.
VERY well done on your amazing G free Life.
Long may you have the health to catch up on the lost days and nights that stole so much from all of us.

[Author]

Posts