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More than half way through April…
I wish I could say “April was a G free month for me!”
It wasn’t!
I find that sickening now.
I find gambling sickening now.
I do not want to gamble today…
Will I want to gamble tomorrow, next week, next month, next year?
I suppose I will!
I wish I could feel as “sickened” by gambling every day as I do right now.
Gambling , for a CG is a very “sick” habit!
It’s 3 am!Missed you on chat last night B!
Terrible about your niece. As we speak, I am baking for Easter so I need to keep a close eye on the oven.
Terrible too, about that gambler being shot for the so called winnings. Gambling is one shady business and we as CGs are propping it up!
It scares me!P,
I haven’t seen you since we met briefly in Charles’ group over a week ago. I can’t remember exactly when.
I have been thinking of you P.
Hoping and praying everything is ok with you?
I’ve had a rough ride recently but back on the even path again.
For today!
Give us an update when you are ready.That’s great news Carole!
Thinking of you!SAM!
Where are you?
I hope you are ok.
I had a set back on Sunday….
Other than that I’m ok.Give us an update soon.
I looked into the chat late at night a few times but you weren’t there……
?Good to hear that you will have company over Easter Lizbeth. Make sure it is on your terms this time. My “prodigal” son (and a few other family members/friends) played the game of “I have other arrangements made” and eventually would come to me when other plans fell through. I would always lay our the red carpet, kill the fatted calf and go out of my way to entertain them. More often than not, I was the one who would be walked on not the red carpet!!!
All I’m saying, Liz is don’t allow anyone to use you. Forgive and forget is a lovely idea, but remember that applies to your daughter as well as to you.
Maybe your visitors could bring some goodies or share the cost of the weekend. It would be a good idea to set boundaries to ensure they don’t get the impression that you are allowing things glide. Afterall, there has been a shift in your relationship so keeping things cool might be in order.
(My friend told me she had her daughter and her husband come to stay for a few days recently. She cooked, baked etc etc. They arrived hungover from an all night party, pushed the food around on the plate and said they weren’t hungry and went to bed for the evening!!!!) spent the next two days lolling around in nightwear, too tired to converse with her and left her feeling very used and rejected! I’m giving this as an example of why we mammies should lay down a few ground rules for our adult “kids!!!!!)
Prepare well in advance Lizbeth. Don’t allow yourself to be sucked in!Hi Sade! Welcome to GT!
I am a CG, so I understand how difficult it must be for you to live with someone who gambles. I always say there is only one thing worse than being a CG and that is being married to or living with a CG! I don’t know how anybody does it ! They have my admiration!
Yet, when I read the F and F Forum it always amazes me that so many “Significant Others” are able to rise above the addiction which , through no fault of their own creates havoc in their lives and I know from a “victims”perspective, you will be given lots of advise , support and guidelines to show you how to protect yourself and safeguard your money, your home and your sanity. However the day to day trials will remain until your CG decides he has a problem and seeks help. I can give you some insight into how a CG feels (not every CG of course. My experience pertains to myself only!)
When A CG ( me)is in the throes of gambling, anything you say will fall on deaf ears. Talk means very little. Action is what counts!
Remove yourself from the room he is in while he is gambling online. Otherwise it will appear that you are either colluding with him or taunting him. Either way, he will use your presence to continue gambling. CGs like to blame others for their woes. Your pleading , begging and yelling will NOT stop him gambling! On the contrary it will give him an excuse to continue (“You drove me to it!” was my trump card!)
If he talks in an abusive, threatening or manipulative tone, WALK AWAY! CGs are great manipulators, great actors,great at bamboozling others especially when we want to inveigle money from a loved one. I made so many promises and threats at times like this, that I don’t understand to this day how my husband fell for it all!
In the aftermath of gambling binges however, things are more hopeful. This is the time to LISTEN to your CG. This is the vulnerable time. This is the time he is likely to be open to suggestions for change. Tell him firmly what you will NOT be doing. You will NOT give him money. EVER! You will not pay his bilsl. You will not bail him out. You will not lie for him. You will not be part of his secret life. You will not over up his losses or collude with him in any way. In other words you refuse to be his enabler. You will not listen to blame, manipulation, sarcasm or any other form of verbal abuse.
On the other hand, You WILL listen when he is genuinely seeking help. You will hold his cash, credit cards, take charge of finances and oversee his spending. You will “drip feed” him with cash for day to day expenses and you will ask to see the receipts. You will attend GamAnon if he agrees to go to GA. In other word you will support him in recovery.
I hope this answers some of your questions Sade. I am writing because if I had been treated differently in the early stages of my gambling by my “nearest and dearest” I would never have progressed to the level of loss, grief and chaos that I ALLOWED gambling to cause in my life.
YOUR RECOVERY IS AS IMPORTANT FOR YOU SADE, as your CG’s recovery is important for him.
It is not easy, but it is possible. The evidence is on this Site.
One day at a time is the motto!
Be strong!April 9th will be a G free day.
(happy Cat?)
I have been G free every day in April except for approx 8 hours so in effect I have had a clear run so far this month. Those 8 hours almost destroyed me, so if anyone is thinking of “having fun for a few hours”, FORGET IT!
The peace that being free is worth more than all the “wins” gambling can ever give because as we all know,
CGs NEVER win!One thing strikes me Lizbeth. Pull me up if I’m out of order! This is it….As soon as your relationship with your daughter and grandson shifted to a different level, you switched your attention to your mother!!!!
Just saying!!!
I often did that in the past. ….replaced one “helping” relationship with another!
Just wondering if you are aware of this as it reads, or did you do it unconsciously!Women (and maybe some men too (lol), can be idealistic about marriage Carole)….sometimes we just have to face up to what IS and drop our ideals and look at reality. The reality , for you right now is that you cannot control your gambling. Being in a strange city where you don’t have to account for your moves and as you identified you can act anonymously is the worst place for you to be. The country may not be a perfect place but it has it’s advantages. Maybe when you talk to Danny, lay down some terms and conditions and settle back with your family around you, you will stop gambling.
Nothing like a clean slate to motivate a CG!
You are in my thoughts and prayers Carole. I hope all works out well for you. ODAAT!Le cunamh De, Sad!
(with God’s help!)Le cunamh De, Sad!
(with God’s help!)Week 2
Day 1 for me!I’m not long back from a day out Carole, and I was taken aback, somewhat to read how fast things seem to be spiralling out of control for you. I have no doubt that this can happen to any one of us, because we have all crossed the proverbial line and trying to gamble in a controlled fashion is not within a CGs gift. We have had our fun and the only “bonus” we can ever expect is a measly “Win”, which will only prolong our agony. It’s one thirty am here Carole so I will be brief!
You have entered the danger zone. Get help. Tell someone close to you what is happening. You should not be alone right now. How about a visit to your GP? You may be gambling to escape some underlying depression. Be aware Carole that our minds play tricks on us at times like this. You are not thinking rationally. Suicide is NOT the answer. You know that! Don’t do anything you will regret. You CAN STOP GAMBLING! Keep telling yourself that. You Really CAN stop!Congratulations and Jubilations!
What better to keep a CG’s mind off gambling than a new baby daughter!
Welcome to baby!
Best wishes to all!