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I know that awful feeling of betrayal. I always feel I betray myself when I gamble. Rejection, frustration, being pushed away or ignored are some of the factors which contribute to our “downfall” i.e. gambling.
I think your mum pushes you over the brink emotionally. When people who are close to me do that I often think “Why bother” but we both know there are lots of reasons why we should bother!
From what I read your mam will never change. I also hear you saying she has gambling problems. We all know what gambling does to our moods and our health. She seems to be using you as her punch ball and scapegoat rolled into one. This is the coping skill she has learned to avoid facing her real problems. She seems angry and full of fear. Time for you to give her a wide berth!Thanks for your post SJ.
In this part of the world, Self Exclusion means nothing! Maybe they will ask you to leave IF they see you, but that usually doesn’t happen until you win a jackpot. Just means you lose face if you go in as well as losing money! I am banned from my comfort zones since 2008 and never darkened those doors again plus I did a “round the town” ban in the biggest city in Ireland a few years even though I had never gambled in most of those places.
Yes, SJ, I do often change the subject in groups. Not that I don’t want to take the advice given. I have followed 90% of advice given, believe it or not but I am not always willing to reveal details of private parts of my life.
Well done on your progress in Recovery. You are doing well!
I guess action speaks louder than word SJ.
Talk is cheap sometimes!!!Thinking of you BU!
It is VERY hard not to chase those damn losses!
All I can say is DON’T TRY!
It won’t work.
Gambling is a scourge!
I hate it now!Vera I have had to edit this post out. Come and have a chat in a group and I will explain how you can get this information to maverick.
Charles
Well done Adam!
Maybe the time will come when you can tell your work mate about GT.Every dog has his day!
Never look back!Don’t waste your time thinking about Land Line casinos, Mav!
All forms of gambling are equally evil.Like you, I used to conjure up how the PLAY would go.On my way to the casino(HELL) I would select my machine. I would prepare everything in my mind. First bet was always on max . In my (delusional) mind my First Win would be big. I would continue playing max to build it up then reduce my bets.Win a little. Lose a little. Collect and make a run for the door with my stash.
That was my imaginary Game, Maverick.The reality was and is and always will be different for you for me and for all who have crossed the line There is no going back.From now on it will always end in bitter tears
NEVER FORGET THAT Mav!
ALWAYS!
Bit by bit the glory will fade and your mind will become absorbed with other thoughts .The obsession lingers for as long as we give it power.Very true,Fritz!
To say “addiction”is beyond discipline is a cop out.Yes, we come to a point where we cannot stop but we would never reach that stage if we exercise discipline say and NO to the initial “urge”.Gambling involves planning.It’s based on greed and sloth.Getting easy money is more tempting than earning money.One of the mini casinos I frequented was called BIG EASY.Can you believe they had the audacity to put that name over the door!I used to feel sick when I would find receipts where I used their ATM facility to withdraw 1,2,5,6,hundred to stuff into their machines.
Easy money is right!!!!
How stupid I was!
On that note, I’m going to rollover for a bit of sleep now!Profound words,Liberty!
I especially love your poem in the Poetry Section.Like you,I am a night owl. Sadly,I seldom sleep and dream of my future in recovery .Instead I lay awake,also with the tingling you describe, counting my debt .Subtracting instead of adding to it,even done mentally,can be therapeutic. As long as that mouse remains unclicked and the money stays in a safe place where it can’t be accessed, you can continue to hold your Liberty banner high!
(Sounds as if your mum is in denial, or just does not want to know.Either way , it’s outside of your control)Did you hear from your mother yet,The.End?It may have been a shock for her to read what you sent her. Could you follow it up by a face to face visit and a heart to heart chat ?
Rejection can set us back.Thread carefully!Hi Maverick!
I think we all need to take time out to reflect and evaluate. Sadly a lot of people wait until we are hit by a crisis, like death, illness and in our case gambling before we wake up.I think you are asking too many questions all at once. I tend to do that too. The impatience caused by gambling (or maybe it was already there before we gambled) creates a lot of stress and anxiety.You are expecting instant answers Maverick. You won’t get them all in a flash. In my experience, I discovered the answers to some of my questions, not all, when I stopped asking over and over.Just listen and keep your ear to the ground Mav.Okay we have screwed up.Our prospects seem bleak now. Depression overshadows and magnifies all our worries. That will change given time. Everything changes. My advice to you and to myself is to bury the hatchet. Walk away and don’t bother to mark the stop where it is buried. Dwelling in the past prevents us from moving forward. Things may turnout for the better for you Mav.Put this down to a tough experience.
“Pleasant experiences make life delightful; painful experiences lead to growth!”!Reading that post is a breath of fresh air Izzi!
So glad you are doing well!When I say the best things in Life are free, Happy,of course I am not denying that it costs money to live.As we progress in Life/Recovery,maybe we will learn how to re define “Live”!
Do we really need all the gadgets,entertainment,clothes, holidays, meals out, lavish hair dos creams, make up material possessions etc etc etc? They may give us a feelgood sense for a short while but they will not buy happiness. Life seems to be all about money these days!
I just walked around the garden. Three daffodils are in bloom. Others are peeping out at me.The rhubarb is beginning to sprout.The leaves I barrowed a few days ago are sitting on the compost heap waiting to compress, the birds are singing and it is all free!
I know I can’t pay bills with that freedom,Happy but if we settle for a simple G FREE life we will be far better off eventually.
The biggest price I paid for gambling was health.I need to find a few free cures!! Maybe walking could be one,for a start!
“Life is in a mess, but all is well!”Delighted that things are looking up for you, John! You have come a long long way! Being off the meds will help to clear up your thinking but remember to use them if you need a temporary crutch. I hope you never let that Vice grip you again. Today, I feel totally free of the G bug!
Thanks for all your support!Maverick, I think when a Cg reads about a “big win” (sic),it not only makes us anxious,it also makes us jealous (Why that person,not me!) greedy,envious, and it can lead us to trying our luck again (another daft thought!).
Strangely, we hang on to the so called positives of gambling and choose to ignore all the losses.
If things were so wonderful in the gambling world, this site would be empty.
It is good to re visit the scene of the crime but hanging around too long searching for ways to undo the damage will lead us nowhere.
The only hope we have is strive for a better future. Nobody has the power to make us gamble but yes, reading about “wins” can provide us with a stimulus that , especially in the early days of recovery, we could do without.I have also said in the groups that reading lurid details can be a temptation but I was shot down. So now, I just wear my blinkers when I am reading!Very cathartic posts The.End.I read every word.Thoughts lead to words. Words to actions and on it goes…every action has a consequence.
Give yourself time!
Life can surprise us when we least expect it.
I had a small surprise today.
Little things can make a huge difference in our lives.When we wake up!