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Looking at the consequences of gambling is terrifying, Liberty. It hits us in minor and major ways . Every time I see the postman , my heard leaps into my mouth for fear it will be a Bill I haven’t budgeted for. At the beginning of each month I ask “who’s birthday /christening/wedding/first Communion is it? and what is the minimum amount I can give for a present or even how can I avoid attending” The tightening of muscles is a clear expression of anxiety as is the racing pulse , blurring of vision etc etc. I can well believe how our arteries become constricted as a result of stress , bringing us to the point of a heart attack. My recent gambling adventures failed to relieve those awful symptoms. I used to give me some time out in the past. Not any more! On the contrary, the anxiety increased, even as I gambled.
Although I get over whelmed with debt and everyday expenses still, not gambling allows me to feel slightly less anxious and some days I don’t even think of money at all.
I hope you find some way of avoiding fear and stress Liberty and if you can’t avoid it, learn to live with it with some level of peace and less fear.
“Perfect Love casts out all Fear!”
Love really is the opposite to fear.
Did you go back to your counsellor?“Different path”is in your Thread Title Micky.
You are taking that path (Cliff walk) now, “considering the lilies of the field and the birds of the air”
A very consoling Scripture Passage (Matthew 6), telling us not to worry.
Today would be my mam’s birthday if she were still aliveIf all these things had happened while you were gambling, Andrea, you probably wouldn’t have noticed.
When we discard our crutches we begin to feel again.
Where is your daughter now?Hi Lauren
Just about to turn off the laptop when I saw your post.
I’m equally “skint” until the end of the month. Hubby thinks I still have my Lump Sum. I’m scared in case he mentions it. I have to pay €65 for physio tomorrow, I told him I haven’t got it. He will pay. I hate being so sneaky and my neck is killing me.
I get a weekly and a monthly payment. I’m way overdrawn on my current account. I paid €110 bank charges last month on my unauthorized overdraft and guess what?
There is nothing I can do about it!
I’m just hoping to keep my head down until the end of June and pray that nothing crops up that will cost money.
Seems you will have to do likewise Lauren
How will you get to GMA?
By car?Sometimes the more we do for our children, Micky,the less they seem to appreciate it
I have a friend coming today around midday
Better get up…..!!! I have everything ready since yesterday and hubby gets up at 7 am so he has the stove lighting. Imagine, in June! My sisters 6th anniversary today. Talking of the Royal Family , I remember the hospice she died in was called The Earl Mountbatten Hospice. A lovely man who was blown up in Mayo by the IRA. All resolved now since Prince Charles’ recent visit to Ireland ……Life goes on. We are only “small fry”!
I will take down this post in a few hours for fear of being reprimanded for Hate Speech. Life is gone like that now. A grandmother in the UK asked the Police if she could get the Gay Righters who were parading noisily and obscenely along her street, to tone down . She was charged with hate speech!!!
Thank God people are still allowed to say “I am a CG” That could change too!!!
I never define myself by labels so I’ll be safe!Glad to hear your mom is doing well and appreciates your efforts. She is one strong Lady Tell her she has a secret admirer! She is proud and independent, Lizbeth and it’s very difficult for her to have to ask for help from others. I would be like that. i get very irritable and snappy when I’m not well. Nobody can do anything right.
Enjoy your vacation. Knowing your mam will be looked after when you’re away, means you can relax. The thought of going on vacation would exhaust me right now I have started to take off my blinkers and look around at all the work I neglected in the last ten years. I’m relying on The Man Above to give me the strength to tackle this work Hubby is doing everything I just need to start helping him. Gambling has caused me to be ten years older than my birthday cards say I am.
By the way, when you refer to the “yard” what area are talking about? In Ireland the “yard” is the concrete area between the gate and the garden. The place we park our cars. Just interested to know what different expressions refer to
Nite Lizbeth I took a sleeping tab 30 mins ago. Im a but drunk now.I enjoyed reading your long post Lauren.
Sorry to hear you lost your dad to cancer in 2009. My sister died in 2009 . She too had cancer. She was almost ten years my senior but I was probably closer to her than other family members in many ways. She was a very distant person. Spent a lot of her time reading and painting. Life drawing and music were her favourite pastimes. She lived a frugal life in many ways but travelled a lot and enjoyed nice things. She knew about my gambling but in her innocence she offered me 20k when she heard I was in debt. Little did she know I had lost ten times what she offered. Thank God I didn’t take it. Her anniversary is tomorrow. June 3rd. We went to the Isle of Wight last year in her memory.
It seems your son was very shocked by his grandfather’s death, Lauren. Did he have Grief counselling? Sometimes it helps but we still have to go through the stages alone, sooner or later. Was it after his death that your gambling escalated? I hope your son will recover from that accident. He seems to be a real warrior and a fit and determined guy. That experience with a 14 year old girl could have ended in tears. Does he forgive you for not allowing him to return to the UK? It couldn’t have been easy on him going back to his father after all those years. It seems you gave him a great life. Compared to you Lauren I have lived a very mundane life. Gambling provided some excited until it threw me into serious debt and it sure didn’t help my health.
I spent today baking. My friend is coming to visit tomorrow so I wanted to make an effort for her, even though she wants to avoid rich food and is always trying to lose weight. She is only about size 10 but has three adult daughters so competes with their slim figures. She also knows about my gambling history but would have absolutely NO tolerance for what she sees as selfish indiscipline. I avoid the issue now because when her son told me he goes to a casino I mentioned to her that it could be the ruination of a young person she lost her head and said “not every one who goes to a casino is a compulsive gambler”! Sometimes it’s best to say naught!
I’m glad you are considering taking a break in NI, Lauren, to include your friend’s graduation.
I’m sure he will be very pleased! When is it?
Google Lapwing Publications and you might look them up when you visit.
Bedtime for me now. I have eaten far too much today. Everything I do has a compulsive trait. A friend (ex work colleague) was texting me earlier to say she is not feeling well and intends calling in sick tomorrow and wishes she could come and stay in my house. I know she would not fit in with my visitor tomorrow, so instead of doing what I would have done in the past I told her “sorry, it’s too far to drive to collect you and I’m driving a rented car”! I felt a bit selfish turning my back on her but she can be VERY draining.
Now I feel guilty for saying that!
Nite Lauren!
God bless!Why not take out a Credit Union Loan and clear all the Credit Cards, Gov?
The interest would be lower and you will see it coming down in your book every week. You don’t have to wait for statements to arrive in the post .OK Micky!
Thanks!
How about the Credit union?
‘Can’t live without some money
i know the feeling of waiting until payday and juggling figures in your head all night.
Any rich friends?I LOVE your poem Lauren.
It’s brilliant!
I wrote a few “stanzas” and before Christmas I had them published in Booklet Form and gave them as presents to some friends and family members. It was my way of “coming out” as a CG. Most people I gave them to knew I had a problem already but allowing them to read the thoughts behind the action was an eyeopener to them.
There are some people I wouldn’t dream of sharing those thoughts with.
I’m reading how you gave over your whole weekend to this GA “buddy” yet you seem to resent doing all you did for her. I have often done things like that.i.e. Allowed myself to be emotionally, physically and financially drained by “friends” then resented it madly! I wonder why we do that? Is it because we need approval? Or is it to punish ourselves? Worth thinking about.
I have less toxic people in my life these days. Partly because I refuse to allow myself to be manipulated and also because I keep my distance from people in general. I think I’m becoming a sort of a recluse. Also I don’t say what people want to hear and that scatters a lot of so called friends.
I have a soft spot for your “fella”, Lauren.
For all that ever was between ye, could you rise above past hurts and attend the Graduation as a gesture of forgiveness? He would buy your ticket of course. All on your terms and conditions and with no strings attached!
I’m very interested in your relationship with your son. I have two sons. I would need the whole night to share my tales of woe. I also have a daughter who is in Australia.
I have learned never to expect anything from my children because it brings disappointment.
“What never made you laugh, will never make you cry!”
Keep writing that poetry. It’s really really good.
Consider having it published. I have contact details for a published in NI. Very reasonable prices. The nicest man I ever “met”! He emailed me for days after I submitted very inferior work, not realizing I was dealing with a literary genius! Very humbling but he didn’t humiliate me in the least. On the contrary, he wrote a wonderful introduction to my booklet and treated me like a potential writer!
Charity is a rare and wonderful God-given human quality, Lauren.
Apply it to your decision regarding the Graduation!
Pray for the wisdom to act kindly towards the friend who hurt you deeply.
God won’t refuse to guide you.
He is LOVE!HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLSTER
Salvation comes through Grace, Andrea
I don’t know your religious views but it’s easy to see how we are given opportunities at the times in our lives when we need to be liberated from something that will eventually destroy us. You have been given this wonderful chance. You can accept or reject it .God gave us all Free Will. I believe,hope and pray that through His Grace, you will accept the GMA place.
Well done! This is your chance to turn your life around.ODAAT!Why have you no car and no money Micky?
Are you not working? Staring at the 4 walls is very frustrating. Especially if you are on your own.Look after your health, Adam. No prizes for killing yourself at work . At the end of the day we are all only numbers.
Hi Gov!
No job is worth it if causes you to gamble or to be unhappy.
Even for half the salary, it would be better to change.
Would it be best to get your health in order before you start a new job? In that way you will be less worried about looking for sick leave when you are still new.
Why not take out Payment Protection on your salary. Can you do that through your Union? It would be one worry less when you are waiting for your surgery.