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Well Mickey
All I can say as far as slot machines are concerned,is
“If nothing changes, nothing changes”!
Glad to hear you’re up beat and positive.
My husband paid off our mortgage when he retired at 60 so it is possible.
(Just as well he wasn’t relying on me to help)
In my experience, the less spare cash a CG has the better off we will be.
Thanks for your posts
Five eggs every day now. Well fed hens!! Like their mammy!Very well done, SJ!
Gambling would have spoiled your trip but you didn’t allow it to.
Brilliant news!Hi Jilly,
Yes, I said and still say there could only be one thing worse FOR ME, than being a CG and that is being married to one. (or indeed to have to live as an adult or a child with a compulsive gambler). Of course the fallout is truly devastating for both CG and “significant others” alike, but for the latter the damage is not self inflicted . Personally I would find that life intolerable. I know every CG is unique. Every “case” is different but there are common traits, similar trials and sadly most scenarios end with disastrous consequences .
Jilly, as a CG I feel I always have some control over the times I gamble. My husband and family have no idea when this madness is going to rear it’s ugly head and usually only find out if and when I decide to reveal the damage that I have caused. I see this as using a power weapon against the other person and I have been guilty of doing this on many occasions. Personally, I could not live with somebody who is liable , without warning to pull the rug from under my feet and bring my world crashing down when they (I) selfishly succumb to a whim (urge) that they (I) know will cause hurt, pain, stress and put yet a further wedge between an already fragile relationship where the partner is likely to be scrambling for damage control for years. And then have the audacity to shelter behind the banner of “Addiction” and expect to get off with a rap on the knuckles or in some cases expect the loved ones to lick their (my) wounds, brush themselves down and start all over again as if nothing happened. No, Jilly, I could not live with this and I am ever amazed when I read in the F and F Forum how “partners and spouses” are being hoodwinked up to the whites of their eyes by “tricksters” like me. I am very ashamed to admit, I often secretly chuckle at the amount of enabling that goes on and It even gives me further tips on “how to manipulate my spouse”! How SICK is that?
Yes, the unfortunate CG does suffer. There are lots of posts on the My Journal Forum to highlight that. We penalize ourselves to within an inch of our lives and sanity BUT every CG on this site knows the rules We all have been given the “bag of tools” so for that reason I say a Cg has the trump card in his/her hand and sometimes plays it merrily at the expense of others. Usually, by the time an F and F member begins to wise up , the relationship is drawing it’s last breaths and the finances are beyond repair. All this damage was done BY the CG TO the non CG. Let’s not forget that fact!
Every time I gamble,Jilly, I need to do a lot of groundwork before I set out. I must arrange to have funds available (Always secret funds). I need to lay out a plan to account for the time I intend being “absent”, then think up an excuse (a lie) to cover my tracks. Find a way to replace the money I lose or more likely a way to reshuffle funds to make things appear normal and if these tricks fail, I will resort to manipulation, pleading or both. All this planning and underground maneuvering is part of the sick thrill that comes with the territory and I don’t think I am being unfair to any CG here when I say that. I do not see myself as the innocent victim of an addiction. It is the people who have to live with me are the “victims” of my unadulterated greed and selfishness. I refer to myself only here. I don’t know the mindset of other gamblers but I have yet to meet a gambler who can’t leave the casino as often as need be, to visit the ATM and we will do this nonchalantly until the account is wiped out regardless of the dire consequences we cause for ourselves and OTHERS . I hear them (us) say. “It’s my own business/it’s my hobby/I’m not harming anyone/I don’t drink or smoke” or words to that effect. Could I live with somebody who is so selfish that he/she will jeopardize my peace and happiness to ensure he/she has a night of sick fun? Nope! I would have to take extreme measures to protect myself from that type of torture .
So now Jilly, after that ramble, I rest my case.
(Thanks for posting to my thread on July 3oth)I have read your “Return to GT”post over and over, Charlster. One of the best I’ve ever read on GT.
I cannot post right now . Just want you to know that what you have written had a profound effect on this wayward CG.
Welcome back!Waiting to hear the outcome of that meeting, Bettie?
It has to be good.
Good things come when we make the effort to stop gambling.
BAD things happen when we gamble…
And they get progressively worse, so grab this opportunity while you have the chance.
Praying for you!
You can do it B. You are not alone!“I think this is God’s way of making me face up to things….I’m glad I don’t own a gun”
I just read your post Bettie, and I can see you are struggling on more than one level.
Being physically unwell can cause us to feel very frustrated and even lead to despair. Losing friends (even FWBs) can be very scary despite the imperfections in these relationships. Worrying about family members (Jen) and work and health doesn’t help either. In short, if most of us were as ready and open as you are , many of us would have to admit “My life is in a mess!”
The opposite to order is chaos Bettie. We create our own “messes”, often by looking in the wrong places for peace, for joy and for happiness. Sometimes we find what we think is happiness (like gambling, risky relationships, alcohol etc etc) As we mature we learn that we have been duped. The “happiness”we thought we were experiencing was no more than a thrill and we are left feeling empty and rejected. All these hurts push us towards further destruction; for a CG gambling being the ultimate illusion. We all know, Bettie that gambling solves none of Life’s problems. I agree that God will give us opportunities to face up to things and sometimes He takes things and people away from us (OUCH!), for our OWN GOOD. He allows us to suffer those losses to protect us from greater evil and lead us to a greater good. When we put other things / people before God and our lives to end up in turmoil, it’s easy to point a finger of blame towards Him, for what we freely did in disobedience to His Plan for our lives. God wants what is good for us and what will make us happy. Maybe we were searching in the wrong places, Bettie. I agree with you that He is giving you a wake up call (He gave me hundreds. I was asleep!) He wants to awaken us to our emptiness, powerlessness and our limitations and to make us more mature, discerning what is not essential in our lives so that we can turn towards what is.
As you often pointed out to me B, it’s all about surrender and letting go.
Melody Beattie got it right about those codependent relationships. They lead to disharmony and despair.
The opposite to all that is HOPE, Bettie, so forget about that gun.
Better days ahead. You know where the tools are. The more we throw them back, the more complicated everything will become. Keep it simple.
God is good!
Well done on giving your mam a memorable 80th Birthday!Hi Mermaid.
I am a Compulsive Gambler.
If someone kept drip feeding me with money , which I didn’t have to earn, I could possibly become very irresponsible and gamble every day, while laughing my heart out at the stupidity of the person whom I was fooling!
Have you any idea why you feel you need to send money to your husband, when you know what he will do with it i.e. gamble until he losses it all, then come running back for more, knowing it will arrive without any effort on his part?
If he was diabetic , would you keep feeding him with sugar or a drug addict with heroin, or an alcoholic with alcohol?
There is a huge difference between support and enablement.
Ask yourself what is in this for you.
You are doing him more harm than good.
My advice as someone who plied all the tricks of the trade to get money and succeeded in losing the LOT, is
STOP SENDING HIM MONEY!I wish you peace and a gamble free future in your new home Lorraine.
Leave all the old memories behind. This will be a new start for you. Never lose hope for a better future. We all make mistakes. The past cannot be changed so try to concentrate on your New Life one day at a time.Haven’t seen you for a while SJ.
‘Hope everything is ok and that you are avoiding those fake slots.
Thinking of you. Bringing your thread to the top so you can give us an update, if you feel like it.
Two am here….nite nite!Well done on starting a thread V!
Just because you feel like gambling doesn’t mean you WILL gamble.
Writing your thoughts helps.
Try to imagine what will happen after you place the first bet…..fast forward to the part where you will have lost that loan your brother just gave you…the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach..the feeling of failure and hopelessness. (Where will I turn to next?)…the look in your wife’s eyes…the disappointment for your daughter because daddy is upset and irritable…the work achievement you have reached that turned into a punishment , not reward…the desperation…the regret of throwing away 53 days
WILL THE THRILL BE WORTH THE HANGOVER, Vilkku????
Play that tape to the very end.
I’m been there so often.
My advice is to postpone that next bet
Tomorrow is another day and when it comes hand over ALL your money/cards to your wife. Otherwise you might as well kiss it goodbye!
Let us know how you get on.
You are not alone now….Would the other grandparents like to chip in, Lizbeth or another mother who has a boy in the same school who might like a playmate for her child for a few hours and they could go to your boys house some days that his mam is there? Just a suggestion. I often did that when my children were younger.
Urges/cravings/thoughts come and go, Richard.
In my experience, when I have no means or opportunity to gamble, I am less likely to feel the the need to go to the casino. I keep my current account empty ( no problem doing that- sic)in case I get any brain waves to deposit online.
Time heals but this is an unpredictable addiction. Awareness of every thought keeps you from acting irrationally.Wonderful progress kPat and safe driving for your son. I know in US the kids drive much earlier than they do here. Only the rich ones get cars early in this part of the world. Insurance is the stickler. Costs a lot but not as much as gambling. Nothing is as expensive as gambling.
Delighted to see you back on track, Micky!
Five eggs today!Well done Richard!
You have taken the first and most difficult step in admitting you have a problem. It takes a lot of courage to do that.
One thing I have learned about gambling is that Recovery will not come to us. We have to look for it.
Now that you have found this site the World can be your oyster.
What they give us here , is a “bag of tools” which we can use to our advantage, with lots of help and support or we can throw them to one side and do it our own way.
Initially, I thought I could do it my way but I failed miserably hundreds of times so my advice would be to try to stay clean from the getgo. I would recommend the Thursday/Friday groups to you . And every other group that’s listed on the Forum. The facilitators know the ropes, Richard, so no hope of fooling them. I tried that too!
Anyway, best wishes for a G free future.
You have lots of time to start over again.
You don’t want to be looking back when you’re my age saying “if only, if only!”
CGs never win!