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To clarify, Anni, I can empathize with your feelings as a mother towards a son. Because I am a CG, I can relate to your son’s situation and I feel HIS pain too. These are the two points to my post.
Remember there is a huge difference between a CG who is “active” and a person “in recovery”.
When I am gambling, I am very ashamed to say, I do abuse support. When I stop gambling, like your son, I become a different person.
With the proper help , your son will reach his full potential, hopefully.
Gambling has the capacity to destroy everyone who comes in contact with it.
I wish you and your family well.You are going through a tough patch Lizbeth. Give yourself a treat.
Check into a hotel if you can afford it
A few days there would cost FAR less than a night in a casino.
Order room service and RELAX.
Your husband is watching over you!Every CG needs to change his/her lifestyle, Andy.
Not just you.
Change is painful but it IS possible!
Small changes are all that you need to make for now.
One at a time.
One day at a time.
Be KIND to yourself.
We tend to punish ourselves a lot in the aftermath of gambling.
What’s done is done.
Try walking. It’s very therapeutic.Hi Anni,
I’m so sorry to hear your son is causing such trauma for you and your family. I have a son who created havoc in our home to the point where he abused us verbally and acted out whenever things weren’t going HIS way or when he felt people (me , usually) “were pushing his buttons”. His behaviour was not related to gambling but the hurt was similar to your’s in many ways. As you described, it was “ALL ABOUT HIM”. It became so tiring, I just could not stick it any longer . It was affecting my health, family relationships and we were doing him no favour by condoning his nonsense. Eventually, I just had to “show him the door”. Nobody can tell you what action to take with your son Anni. I’m just writing, as a mother to empathize with you in this awful plight.
I also have some insight into the workings of a gambler’s mind. In the aftermath of gambling Life becomes scary as HELL. After all the chaos and disaster, reality finally hits and take it from me it is VERY painful.
As well as being a mother, I have the misfortune to be a Compulsive Gambler. Therefore I can see both sides of the problem.
You say you “support” your son.
Gamblers have a knack of abusing that support, Anni.
Time for Tough Love, maybe?It took great courage to post what you posted, Micky.
Gig?
You play music?
Date?
Who’s the lucky woman?
Any result of MRI scan?As a CG , Jenny , the last place I would choose to lie would be on Social Media.
Maybe your husband is looking for attention or trying to impress somebody with the “good life” he is having.
Most gamblers I have encountered, including myself , want to be invisible, not broadcast their whereabouts, but maybe Velvet has evidence to the contrary.
Regarding bank details, I would be extremely wary of giving a gambler access to my bank account. I had a scare back in January with a suspected “scammer” after a sizeable sum had been transferred to my current account. I turned out to be my own “scammer” a couple of months later which proves my point that CGs cannot be trusted with bank transactions.
‘Nuff said!I ve been thinking about your last statement, Micky.
This week, I have been counting my blessings and looking at my home differently.
I moved the laptop from upstairs to the Living Room. I realize I have been spending too much time in isolation. I was passing from the bedroom , to the car to outside. Anywhere. Just out. “Out” for me is a danger zone. Home used to be a place I wanted to escape from. I was uneasy and restless staying home. I feel more settled this week for some reason. Maybe I was escaping from myself.
Every day so far, this week I have been content to stay home. Cook. Bake etc. The normal things.
I did have an “outing” every day but I came back within normal hours.
I hate driving home alone, broke in the early hours from the casino.
I always felt safe when I got inside my back door.
Yet, I would go again.
This time it feels different,somehow.The first thought can’t harm you, Micky but the 2nd thought usually leads to action.
And we all know where action leads.
Keep walking Micky.
Run , if you have to….White knuckling can be very stressful, Andy.
Try to let each hour pass; let the emotions pass too. Everything passes. Nothing lasts forever.
Set up a Plan for payday.
Don’t allow yourself access to your salary while you are still holding your breath
The outcome will end in tears.
Take a fool’s advice and do not handle money now.
I have lost every salary that I earned plus every cent I would borrow on the strength of it.
Gambling does that to us. Deceives us into believing we can “go and have some fun!”. That’s false , Andy. Once we cross that CG line, there is no going back.
Going back to prove I might be right has lead to my downfall.
Over and outIt’s tough being a boss kPat.
The ruthless Higher ups often use middle management to do the dirty work. As you say though, it’s good to have a job.
I didn’t intend stirring up animosity between you and “himself” regarding that casino trip, but I think we are too quick to take the blame, sometimes and I do remember you saying he had promised to “protect” you. He left you wide open, kPat. I hope he realizes that now.Reading that gives me hope, Micky.
My debt free day will come.
I just need to do two things
Well, three, really.
1. Stop gambling, forever.
2. Stay focused on repayments and my Savings Plan.
3. Be patient.Only two payments away from being debt free, Micky!
How I envy you.
If I had used my noodle and followed the advice I was given when I came here in 2008, I too would be debt free now AND I would have a healthy bank balance and a savings account….
BUT
I did it “my way” and I’m up to my knees in debt.
I can’t gamble ever again……..
Better type that on my own thread to keep Charles off my back.How did the Thanksgiving Celebrations go, FG?
I was licking my lips reading about the delicious food you were preparing.
Who wants gambling when you have such a full life.
Hope to “see” you soon.That was a terrible experience for you, Lizbeth. I know we all talk about Tough Love but putting it into action is very tough indeed.
Don’t try to deal with this alone. Can you involve your older daughter? I know when my son was going through a very aggressive phase , he would target me. He managed to isolate his father and his brother and would use the “divide and conquer” method to bully everybody. I was the only one who would challenge him.
Unity gives us strength.
You need support here Lizbeth.
It is extremely stressful .
Can you use outside support, if you don’t want to involve your immediate family?
My son never once apologized for his atrocious behaviour. Just expects everyone to be in great form , when he is and woe betide us when he acts out.
I don’t trust him.Yes, kPat, we really do become selfish when we gamble.
“How will I get the next loan?”
“How will I cover my tracks?”
“How will I win back MY money?”
etc etc etc
It’s all about ME. Selfishness and indiscipline.
When you meet somebody who is self sacrificing , like that colleague you mentioned, it makes us squirm.
God will honour her loyalty to Life, kPat. I will keep her and her family in my prayers.
It makes our problems pale into insignificance when we hear stories like that. I have heard many but when we are in the throes of gambling, we block them out due to selfishness.
I’m glad your daughter had a negative experience in the casino. Reading your post, reminded me about the day I took my son with me. He was about 19 0r 20 then. I put money in a machine and set him up playing small bets. I could see his eyes lighting up and his cheeks becoming flushed. I felt as if I had given him an illegal drug . Given him poison to alleviate my own “thirst”. I had a win and said “lets go”. He was reluctant to leave but he did. I hope and pray our children never get sucked into a lifestyle that sucked the life and soul from their mothers. I wouldn’t wish this “disease” on my worst enemy. It’s a curse from Hell.
By the way, why did your husband agree to that trip? Don’t blame yourself totally. Your daughter had an input too.
I think the reason I brought my son along was to fool myself and him into thinking gambling is a “fun outing”. I’m sure they are wiser than we give them credit for. I hope that wisdom never leaves us or them, kPat.
I loved your poem, kPat.
Keep composing!