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The best practical help I could suggest to stop you gambling, Jrb is to cut off the “ammunition” supply. i.e. money in the forms of loans and overdrafts. Since I reduced my “supply”, I am far less likely to gamble. It’s a rich man’s game, but sadly the CG is not the one who gets rich.
No money=no gamble.
Bottom line.
Cutting out the booze would help too. We get “flighty”under the influence. I know you don’t like GA. I didn’t like it either. I went back recently. I neither like or dislike it now. Being the only woman , I will always be the “odd one out” but that’s nothing new!
Nobody can stop you gambling Jrb.
Would you consider giving GA another try . All the guys there seem to be great buddies. I hear them thanking each other for texts and emails received .I would imagine you would meet some real friends there. People who accept you as you are.
Glad to see you are hanging in here Jrb. I clung on by my fingernails for a long time. The grip tightens after a while….How are you doing, Jrb?
Any news?That was a disappointing weekend, Lizbeth. The type of stress you could do without. I hope your grandson will be ok. That’s the main thing. Your daughter seems like a bit of a “hothead”. I’m sure she is distressed over the loss of her job, but yes, I hear you. Everything is great with our grown up kids for as long as we keep doling everything in their direction but when the hand outs are threatened, the effluent hits the air conditioning fast!
“Eaten bread is soon forgotten” my mother always said.
Still not too late to draw up a contract, is it Lizbeth?
It would be such a pity to fall out with your daughter over property at this stage.
Give her time. She will cool down. You will too! Well done on not gambling to ease your stress.You will be fine, Jon.
But not if you continue gambling.
I kept borrowing money , like a mad woman.
Now, I’m reaping what I sowed.
Take a fool’s advice and walk away from gambling now.
Four new guys, all dads, came to the GA group I attend. In their late 20s. Early 30s. The older men didn’t spare them the reality of what gambling did to them because they didn’t get help in time.
Lots of help available, Jon. Just take it on board.
Use all the support you can find.Sorry to hear you’re feeling like this, Jon.
That’s what gambling does.
Seeing the reality is a blessing in disguise. IT’S NOT ABOUT MONEY, BUT DEBT IS A KILLER. Put a zero after your debt. That’s what my “fun ” cost me. It’s all relative Jon. The good news is, you CAN stop. GA provides a lot of help. They will arrange for someone to be with you when you are breaking the news to your wife. When I told my husband back in 2008, he thought it was a sick joke. Even though he knew I was gambling and had baled me out several times, he still didn’t get it. Very few non gamblers do. If you don’t want to involve GA, maybe get a family member or friend to be with you. I really would advise you to tell her before she finds out. Secrecy is very stressful for you and the longer you keep it hidden, the more betrayed she will feel.
Put your family first. Money can be replaced. Get a Payment Plan in place and stick to monthly payments and start over, one day at a time. There really is no other way except the honest way, Jon. Believe me I tried every other route. The truth will set you free!Brilliant post, SpecialK! One that every CG could identify with, in the aftermath of a gambling fiasco. Taking time to reflect brings perspective to the Game!
Very few people come to GT or GA and report a “wonderful, satisfying, eventful” outcome to a relapse. (I’m glad you didn’t use the word ‘slip’. CGs seldom ‘slip’. More like a ‘nose dive’!) We only hear doom and gloom. Nothing good ever comes from gambling. Reality checks will confirm this fact. Strangely, though , the human psyche has the power to obliterate pain and “flag” the “good” memories. That’s why a CG needs to put time between our thoughts and our actions. That also proves the importance of listening to or reading others’ bitter experience. We need to reinforce, in our limited brain, how powerful the addiction to gamble is for a CG and how easy it is to forget that we are totally powerless from the moment we succumb to that craze. This is where alcohol comes in. It fudges our memory, impairs our judgement and allows us to “throw caution to the wind”. Would you consider attending AA? I notice some of the guys at GA attend the two Fellowships.
Cruel at it may seem, SK, I think this big loss could be your saving grace. Money can be replaced but how much more can your fiance take before she packs her bags?
“Prison, insanity or death” are , reportedly the final outcome for gamblers. I have seen all three outcomes!
A very wise CG sage called KenL says
“Every CG has another bet in him/her, but not everyone has another recovery in them”!
Words are cheap SK. I spoke/wrote and sang the tune for years. Throughout that time, yes, I was losing money hand over fist, but of far greater concern, I was “putting nails in my own coffin!”
You are young. Life is at your feet.
your 4 key points CAN be addressed and overcome.
1.Abstinence versus recovery. Every CG loves to gamble but do we love the consequences? We can’t have one without the other!
2. Wallowing over past losses can lead us to trying to “win” back. Been there! wore the T shirt! Futile exercise! Try the Serenity prayer. We will never win anything back but we can restore our losses. Money being the least important loss.
3. “Running ahead”. I live my life with my finger on the Fast Forward button. We need to stay in the now. Today is all we have. Take deep breaths!
4. Alcohol and gambling don’t mix! CGs can’t cut down on gambling. Maybe you need to do more than cut down on the liquor. (Just sayin’!)
Ever word I write to you I also say to me, SK.
Be aware of the scary consequences but try not to dwell on them.
Life, without gambling is delightful. (sometimes)
The Gambling Life is not worth living.(ever)
Why would you need to ruin everything you have?
Stay focussed!
Keep posting!
Over and out!Brilliant post, SpecialK! One that every CG could identify with, in the aftermath of a gambling fiasco. Taking time to reflect brings perspective to the Game!
Very few people come to GT or GA and report a “wonderful, satisfying, eventful” outcome to a relapse. (I’m glad you didn’t use the word ‘slip’. CGs seldom ‘slip’. More like a ‘nose dive’!) We only hear doom and gloom. Nothing good ever comes from gambling. Reality checks will confirm this fact. Strangely, though , the human psyche has the power to obliterate pain and “flag” the “good” memories. That’s why a CG needs to put time between our thoughts and our actions. That also proves the importance of listening to or reading others’ bitter experience. We need to reinforce, in our limited brain, how powerful the addiction to gamble is for a CG and easy it is to forget that we are totally powerless the moment we succumb to that craze. This is where alcohol comes in. It fudges our memory, impairs our judgement and allows us to “throw caution to the wind”. Would you consider attending AA? I notice some of the guys at GA attend the two Fellowships.
Cruel at it may seem, SK, I think this big loss could be your saving grace. Money can be replaced but how much can your fiance take before she packs her bags. “Prison, insanity or death” are , reportedly the final outcome for gamblers. I have seen all three outcomes!
A very wise CG sage called KenL says
“Every CG has another bet in him/her, but not everyone has another recovery in them”!
Words are cheap SK. I spoke/wrote and sang the tune for years. Throughout that time, yes, I was losing money hand over fist, but of far greater concern, I was “putting nails in my own coffin!”
You are young. Life is at your feet.
your 4 key points CAN be addressed and overcome.
1.Abstinence versus recovery. Every CG loves to gamble but do we love the consequences? We can’t have one without the other!
2. Wallowing over past losses can lead us to trying to “win” back. Been there! wore the T shirt! Futile exercise! Try the Serenity prayer. We will never win anything back but we can restore our losses. Money being the least important loss.
3. “Running ahead”. I live my life with my finger on the Fast Forward button. We need to stay in the now. Today is all we have. Take deep breaths!
4. Alcohol and gambling don’t mix! CGs can’t cut down on gambling. Maybe you need to do more than cut down on the liquor. (Just sayin’!)
Ever word I write to you I also say to me, SK.
Be aware scary consequences but try not to dwell on them.. Life, without gambling is delightful. Why would you need to ruin everything you have?
Stay focussed!
over and out!I hear you, Reddy!
CGs are impatient.
We want everything instantly.
As we move forward , we learn to wait.
If you have free hours after your own job, why not go to a few GA meetings. Sharing how you feel face to face is good. Writing it here helps too, but it might help to mull over the “real deal” with some of the guys who walked your path and learned to be patient.
I’m sure there are lots of other pubs/cafes looking for evening staff.
Keep searching.
I can only tell you one thing for sure.
You won’t win your money back!Hi SpecialK,
I am so sorry to hear you lost so much money so fast after a nine month stint without gambling.
I know that terrible feeling only too well.
The good news is your girlfriend knows and she can “stop the haemorrhage” if you surrender your cards to her to prevent you chasing your loss.
You learned an expensive lesson but let’s face it, once a CG returns to gambling, it’s better to lose fast . That sounds cruel, I know but it is cruel fact of gambling. Whether it takes a day or a month, once we return to the scene of the crime, it will all end in tears so why prolong the agony.
I had a similar experience last year. A huge sum of money vanished fast. The difference is, I never told my husband. It took me months to recover from the shock but I have a plan in place and I am steadily rebuilding that fund. To lose again would certainly “tip me over the edge” as you say.
I know you are in shock now but that feeling will fade.
Look at the facts.
You have half of your savings left .(Keep them!)
You have an understanding GF. (Use her help)
You have fessed up and now accept that you cannot gamble again. (Just say “I can’t gamble today”).
You know what tools you need to repair the damage.
Make good use of them.
CGS NEVER WIN!
Let that be your mantra.Well done Adam!
You fought hard !
Proves there is a Life after gambling.
Stay focused!Do you have any idea why you always blamed yourself for all the family problems, and dysfunctions, Lizbeth?
Did somebody else blame you ?
Taking the blame for others often gives them an opportunity to place more stress on you by acting as they want , knowing someone else will pick up the tab.
Family dynamics change when one person set boundaries or removes his or herself from the “blame” position. I see it in my own family.
It’s good to reshuffle the cards and let others take responsibility too.
I hope your youngest daughter is well.
She is in my thoughts and prayers.Only YOU can surrender Jrb
Recovery won’t force itself on you. It just shows us flashes of what it has to offer, odaat. It’s enticing. Its real. It is freely available, but it is not easy. You have to search for it and when you find it, reach out and grab it with two hands.
Take it or leave it.
Gambling , on the underhand shows us an easy option. It lulls us into a false hope. It’s illusionary.
After a certain point, we can’t “take it or leave it” Gambling takes possession of all we have and ever will have .
Money is the least of its demands.
It will never live up to its false promises ;It leaves us bereft of all that is good for us,
The most scary part Jrb is that false hope leads to despair.
You need some Power greater than your own to rescue you.
Time to go on your knees and ask for Mercy. Regardless of your beliefs.
Money is the root of all evil , especially for a CG. Stop borrowing no matter how the loans are disguised . They all have to be paid back.A compulsive gambler doesn’t need a variety of venues or machines. All it took for me to destroy myself were a couple of “bandits” in dingy “casinos” where I had my soul sucked out for too long.
Gambling is not only about money.
Would your GF be interested in opening a Thread here on GT?Can you self exclude from the six bookies when you walk past them tomorrow?
That will “soften your cough” and deprive them of YOUR money.
You’re doing well!Well done on your debt repayment, FG. You are making great strides in recovery. The impatient streak, common to most gamblers, can take our serenity away. We want things to happen faster than normal and tend to be compulsive with paying our debts. Whoever composed that Serenity Prayer hit the nail on the head. I try to look back on the last year and notice how fast time has passed. Regardless of our input, time will move forward at God’s/Nature’s pace. Time is one thing we have absolutely no control over. All we can do, is make the best of that time. I started my “Repayment Plan” last June. Almost 9 months ago. I can’t believe how fast those months passed. Yet, the weeks between my payment dates “dragged”! When we focus on everyday matters, such as work. family , leisure, friends , etc. we don’t notice the time going by.
Don’t wish your life away, FG. Take each day as it comes . The one thing we can control is what we do with our time and money. I If I had gambled that money, I would be in dire straits now. Knowing it is safe gives me the incentive to add to it as well as repaying my debt. Knowing you will be debt free in 18months is a great incentive to stay G free, but remember FG we can have many moments/days of freedom in the meantime too.
It’s not all about money. The “best things in life are free”. I do believe that.
Thanks for posting o my thread. That son is a peace maker. He would never say anything to offend anybody. He sent me a text late last night, saying the meeting was “interesting” and if I ever want him to go anywhere with me again, he will. My daughter’s attitude is “don’t crucify yourself” (but she is at the other side of the world, so doesn’t feel the impact of what happens in my life). My youngest son ( whom I haven’t seen since an “explosion” on December 26th , the start of my last ‘binge’ ) would not let me off so lightly. I wouldn’t invite his comments . He treats me to his opinions when he feels angry and to put it in a nutshell “It’s ALL my fault”!
‘Nuff said!
Might see you later in a group FG.
Take care!