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No, Jenny. CGs are not magicians . Just bluffers. And some are cowards who prefer to project their own weakness on to vulnerable people who allow themselves to be treated as punch bags or scapegoats. That is why you need to PROTECT YOURSELF, Jenny. Gambling is only one of your ex’s problems from what you say. What he is doing is blatant bullying . In my book, every bully is a coward but we aren’t supposed to judge, so what I’m saying carries no malice. It is intended only to help you protect yourself.
Is there any way you can avoid exposing yourself to his cruelty and abuse? I don’t use Social Media because a lot of what I hear about it is anti social and in my opinion it often cuts out real communication and can be used as a tool to abuse others. Can you report this to the Site owners? I really don’t know how that works Jenny but some “Whizz kids” can flash their wares , then disappear by the sound of it. A great outlet for cowards isn’t it?
It certainly could not be good for your daughter to be exposed to it either. Can you limit her visits there?
I have started to attend GA and I really have great admiration for the young guys there. Some are fathers who have lost their “partners” and are trying to win back their trust. If your ex ever comes to his senses, he might find himself in a room with “real” men where he can talk out his feelings instead of targeting the vulnerable in cyber space from the protection of his hidey hole! Sorry, if I sound hard on him Jenny but I don’t want to see every CG painted with the same brush . There are genuine people out there and here on this site who live with the “disease” called Compulsive Gambling and who are aware of the hurt and damage we have caused. Don’t give up hope that your guy will, one day, be among the group who are on the road to recovery.
In the meantime, avoid “toxic” contact and MIND YOURSELF!The Mother/Daughter relationship can be complex Lizbeth. I think there will always be a part in a daughter that resents her mother and a part in the mother that resents her daughters youth and energy. We see them as reflections of ourselves and when they fall short the mother’s ego is hurt. Colleen Mc Cullough describes its bitter/sweetness in the book The Thornbirds. It really brought it home to me when I read that book -my daughter was in her teens then-that in a way we are jealous of and disappointed at some level with our female offspring. The mother/son relationship is very different.
In general, these days I think we give our “kids” far to much. It is a mistake to expect anything in return because the more I look around me I see the next generation doing their own thing irrespective of their parents needs or wishes. I think Ican gave you sound advice. I think there is greater closeness in large families . The siblings seem to look out for each other more and collectively they look out for their aging parents. Small families , mine for one, take FAR more than they give. I wonder why?
I gambled for years Lizbeth to try to avoid looking a these issues but I’m slowing coming to realise that we are on our own so making provision for old age is vitally important as our energy and earning power decreases. Hold on to your savings Lizbeth. We never know when the rainy day will come. Keep your communication open with your daughters. I know if I didn’t do all the running, I would never hear from mine again. Sad but true!Good to meet you briefly in the Group earlier, FG.
Hope the vertigo subsides. Get some Serc from your GP. It really works. I have had vertigo a few times and its very debilitating. I’m scared to even think about it, in case I go into full spin!
Sorry to hear your sister is having health issues. One of my sisters is unwell at the moment but unlike the lady you mention, she plays everything down. Her main concern is that she will cause anyone to worry. I’m trying to advise her by text, to have further check ups but she is probably hoping the symptoms will clear up without intervention. I’m not happy with what I’m hearing. As you say these things are out of our control. I feel helpless regarding her situation. I know she is very unwell.
You have a heavy line up for Easter FG. It’s a busy time for me too because we travel two hour round trips to church every day from Spy Wednesday to Easter Sunday and I try to fit in the cooking/baking between trips. My son will be home and I will invite his GF despite the Christmas fiasco. This time I will be slow to comment or offer opinions. I will just cook and serve the food, enlisting my son’s help and wont ask his GF to do anything. No matter what I do or say, she gets upset and its all my fault. I find that stressful so I will sing dumb if she comes. “A shut mouth catches no flies”. My youngest son is AWOL so I don’t know if he will be here for Easter. I hope he is because he loves all the Easter fare and I like to have the family here at those special times. Part of me wants to shake him and partly I want to hug him. He is so selfish and cruel. My husband is worried about him now . A real recipe for gambling but my funds are tied up, so that wont happen.So sorry to hear your relationship broke up, Micky. Seems like it wasn’t meant to be. Do you think it was a co incidence that it happened on your mam’s and dad’s anniversary? In my experience, loss and perceived rejection can be huge gambling triggers. Losing money adds to the trauma and the scary bit is, it can reinforce our feeling of failure.
Knowing that gambling won’t solve your situation is your trump card Micky. Time to return to the drawing board and raise the barriers. C ount your blessings that you are still debt free. Hang in Micky. Gambling is a “no no”for CGs!Miracles do happen when we surrender and allow the HP to take charge! Your post is proof of that, Maverick. I often found little “signs” popping up in my life when I made a genuine effort to change. Making false promises and rearranging the externals may fool others. It may even help us to hoodwink ourselves but it won’t fool the HP. Unlike you, Maverick, I do believe in a Deity greater than myself. I always have. The problem was I wanted to exercise my will and push His Will to one side. Hence the conflict. I think that is what makes many lives unmanageable . Gambling, drinking, drug taking etc are only symptoms of a deep rooted clash of wills. Deep down , human beings, regardless of race class or creed always know when we are doing wrong. The Law of Love is written on our hearts. Of course the heart hardens and we become desensitized and brainwashed by the world’s “pleasures” and we mistake these “thrills” for happiness . These illusions come at a high price as you well know Mav and they always bring a hangover. Real joy will bring us peace of mind, serenity and an ability to enjoy every tune, without holding on to the notes. The joyful life flows, Mav. Just like recent events in your life are flowing . It’s comforting to know that a Power greater than us is taking charge . I like the analogy that we are “dancers being danced”. We were given Free Will but when we abuse that free will the consequences on every level will be dire.
It is a small miracle how you have changed in the past year Maverick. There were times when you seemed to be on the brink of destruction, yet you got the inner strength to move forward and get back on the right road. I’m really happy for you that you have a new place to live. ( I often prayed for you in the winter months living in that garage). With Spring and Summer on the way you will enjoy many good days with your son in Greenwich Park and many other places.
Life without gambling ALWAYS gets better!
One day at a time!
Keep posting!Well done!
All your hard work is paying off.
We reap what we sow. Stay focused.Just touching base to see how you are Micky. It’s been a while.
Starting into the 2nd week in March. So far , no gambling on my part this year.
Hope you are in a good place too.
Give us an update when you get a chance!‘Hope you are getting out and about, Bonkers, now that the days are getting longer.
Enjoy them, one day at a time!“Gambling will never be able to satisfy whatever it is I long for”.
I agree with that statement, Ican, but even tough we are aware of the lack of satisfaction it brings , we still gamble. (I just read your post on Lizbeth’s Thread)
I think our flawed human nature will always pull us down and left to our own devices, we will succumb to our weakness.
That is why we need a Higher Power to turn to in times of temptation.
The good news is, tomorrow is a new day!Play the film to the final scene……see yourself leaving the “slots”, broke, broken, sick, full of guilt and remorse.
We can’t take the drug without suffering the hangover.
CGs N E V E R win!
Remember the 5 Ts
Take Time To Think it Through.Sounds like the perfect Mother’s Dad, Lee ( apart from the gambling!)
Great that you were able to salvage the best parts ( time and relationships). ‘Seems as if you are highly organized for the main part i.e. presents , food and house cleaning. The money can be replaced. Odaat. Even if it takes years.
Have you any idea what triggered you to gamble yesterday, Lee? Were you stressed about the visit from your parents? Trying to make money to improve on what you already have or escaping from something you felt you couldn’t face? This could be a time of reflection for you. I know “chasing the loss” can overwhelm our thoughts but if you have no available funds, those thoughts will dissolve fast.
Have a good day!Nobody here will be tired listening to you sharing. Maverick. The alternate would be to give up.
None of us can foretell if we will have a relapse but we CAN make the next bet impossible. You know the drill. Once we start gambling, we cannot stop until we run out of funds or see the light.
You need to stop handing money, Maverick and look for the Light.
God will forgive you Lee. You need to forgive yourself too!So sorry to hear you gambled again, Lizbeth.
Also sorry to hear about your grandson. ‘Hope he gets pain relief soon.
There is no relief, sadly from the pain of gambling. Sometimes we have to just suffer the consequences and when we suffer enough, we will stop gambling forever.
Can you talk to your daughter and tell her the outcome of your altercation with her? Resolving the underlying upset might prevent further gambling relapses as well as further arguments. I don’t mind reasonable arguments but when I’m put down or accused in the wrong it causes a lot of stress. It’s not easy when you have to “grin and bear it” but sometimes that’s the only way to prevent further conflict. I think that behaviour could easily drive me over the edge. How can you avoid another “attack”?Thanks for your supportive posts, Cathy.
Glad to hear things are going well for your son and that Gamanon is helping you. I think there is a gamanon meeting in the same building where I attended GA tonight , because the first time I went there I saw two women waiting in the queue outside the door, but they went into a different room. Lots of young men in that group. My sons’ age and the scary bit is that some of them are already separated fathers due to gambling. Strangely, I relate better to some of the men, than I did to the lady! I guess I’m getting to know one or two of them from the different venues. One man invited me to attend a meeting in my ******. He runs that meeting, he said. Another man asked what my son thought of the “Pinning Meeting” we attended a couple of Sunday nights ago. I feel secure when I see that man coming into a meeting. I don’t know why. Maybe because he is a granddad. Two newcomers were told to “stay back ” at the end of the meeting. I guess they give them phone numbers and literature. I was never given that list of numbers. I totally get it that men don’t hand out their phone numbers to women.
Over and out!Good luck with your hypnosis session today FG.
Your doctor will be pleased to hear your good news.
Here we are into March already FG and still clean as a whistle.
At the check out in the Supermarket today, I wasn’t panic stricken in case I wouldn’t have enough money to pay. I do have to watch the pennies but there is a difference between budgeting and having your heart in your mouth when you’re shopping . Putting the cheapest items in the trolley.
I think we are both seeing the benefits of recovery FG. I missed the Topic Group by about 5 seconds yesterday.
‘Hope to see you soon!