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Wrote a long post to you Lee. Pressed “Save”. It vanished!
I hate that!
In brief.
I read all you write.
Haven’t been posting lately.
Only reading.
If your wife could give you a daily allowance, would that be easier to manage?
Seems you can’t handle money…yet!
You sound like the ideal father/husband/son EXCEPT for the gambling.
Time to flush it out of your life completely.
Compared to the enjoyment you get from your children, what does gambling give you?
Nothing, I guess!For me, FG, every gambling trip has a price tag. I ALWAYS lose all my money in one foul swoop, hence my immediate halt. In the aftermath of gambling (always loss) , I torture myself by reliving the experience and wonder if the outcome would have been different if I had staged my tactics differently. That briefs me for the next run, when I try my “different tactics” only to find it all ends the same way. It always end the same. Then, to add insult to injury, in between “episodes” my mind , as it recovers from the recent trauma, becomes overwhelmed with planning my next trip, my next loan , my next gamble, which, each time, I plan to implement with a new strategy i.e. smaller bets, bigger wins and a quick exit as soon as I have a bagful of money. Does it ever happen that way, FG?
NO!
It ALWAYS ends in misery and in between each miserable outing, a CG loses his/her peace of mind.
Peace f mind is the most valuable thing that gambling robs from a CG.
I smiled when I read about your co workers “Win”! I wonder where will that end up and how much it cost her!
You really think this person ALWAYS wins?
I seriously doubt if she ever “boasts” about her losses.
CGs NEVER win, FG.
You and I know that, based on past experience.
See you later in Charles’Group if you’re around.Was it last year, or the year before you enjoyed the May Hymn on You Tube, Ican?
Fr Sydney Mc Ewan, the Scottish tenor’s version is by far the best.
Always brought a tear to my mother’s eye. Still does to mine…
Tempus fugit!I hope the urge to gamble has subsided, Micky?
I read the link on your thread. One line stood out. “There is a big difference is stopping because you WANT to and stopping because you HAVE to.” I struggle with this. I know, that after a big binge/loss EVERY gambler will want to stop, because we clearly see the connection between gambling and horror. After a few “clean” weeks , we begin to change our thought process all over again. At these times, the urge creeps up and we WANT to gamble. I never really started a day’s /night’s gambling against my wishes. If I don’t feel like gambling, it’s easy (for me) to abstain. If I really WANT to gamble, I will UNLESS I have no money, no opportunity and no time.
That’s where barriers come in Micky.
Stay focused!It scares me when I dream of gambling, Kin.
Only one thing worse and that’s when I DO gamble and I wake up and hope I was only dreaming and realize it’s not a dream.
That is the real nightmare….
Just for today I will not gamble.Sorry to hear your holiday was spoiled by illness in the family, FG. Seeing your husband in A and E must have been a big shock. My husband had a dose of flu like symptoms and for the first time ever, wasn’t able to do his routine jobs. I found that scary too. Found myself asking “what if anything happened him….”!
When we waste holidays gambling , our brains can obliterate the loss but living in reality exposes us to Life with all it’s hiccups. Masking illness and other issues with gambling was part of my past. Removing the props forces us to take other options.
I’m two months behind you on the recovery scale FG, but let’s not focus on the finishing line…YET!Hi Bill and welcome to GT.
I hail from the “other side” of the GT Forum. I am a compulsive gambler and also the mother of a grown up family. I began playing slot machines approx. 18 years ago and became “hooked” very fast.
The problem with compulsive gambling, Bill is that the only time a CG will stop is when we want to or when we have to.
I gambled because I wanted to .
I stopped because I had to.
In my case I never really wanted to stop but I did stop. To add to the complexity of the issue, I always started again! The way this works , Bill (on a simple level) ,is that a CG builds up a fantasy that gambling is the only thing in the world that will make us happy. It starts with one thought , develops into a dream and before we know it we become a prisoner in an Illusionary World, which eventually becomes our Hell. (I speak from my own experience , but I will write in general terms because many other CGs describe similar situations). Of course a CG doesn’t realize that our world is hellish ; we refer to it as our “Comfort Zone” or our “Place to relax/chill out”, “Our Special World”. Sooner or later, Bill this world will come crashing down and then, ONLY then will a CG wake up to reality.
We need certain props to sustain our Illusionary existence.
In my case I relied on my salary, my own car, my own time , my loans ( which were many and frequent) and above all ENABLEMENT from my husband and my SON!!
Bail outs and secrecy are the recipe for disaster for both the CG and the people who prop up the Lifestyle, Bill. Without both, my gambling career would have quickly ground to a halt…………………….
As soon as you change your attitude towards your mom’s gambling ( from what you have posted , it seems you are changing), you will , indirectly be helping her to re structure her moves. Logic and addiction are diametrically opposed. What fuels gambling, is secrecy, manipulation, emotional blackmail, threats, promises (all false) and money. Attempting to apply logic to irrational issues causes turmoil CGs thrive on turmoil and chaos.
My suggestion would be to stop texting your mother. She will tie you up in guilt knots and confuse you to the point where you won’t know what to believe. I used texting at weak moments (work or the middle of the night) to catch enablers off guard to ensure I got my “evil way”. The “addict” you are dealing with right now Bill is not the woman who mothered and nourished you and to whom you owe respect and gratitude. This is a different woman A person with flawed thinking and reason who is merciless enough to drag her own son to the gutter to feed her gambling habit. Very sad, but true. You owe this stranger nothing!
You do , however owe yourself protection from her behaviour and perhaps you owe your dad some support. My advice to you is to call a family meeting. A sort of “Intervention”, if you like. Calming state your position as you have done in your above posts. Tell everyone present that from now on YOU will be doing things differently i.e, NEVER lending money again to ether your dad or mam and that you refuse to keep secrets. Keep it short . No threats. No anger. Just facts.
IF ONLY (but there are no “if onlies”) my son or husband had had the courage to do what you are doing now Bill , it would have saved everyone a lot of heartache and expense.
Yes, ONLY the CG can help her/him self when we decide to stop gambling, but the actions of loved ones sure can bring things to a head sooner rather than later.
Words , written or spoken , mean little to a CG.
Action is what counts.
Best wishes with YOUR recovery Bill
One day at a time.Three clean weeks is great, Bettie. Keeping the FWB in his place will help to add to your G free days. Allowing him back in to your life will only put you at greater risk of gambling. It’s SOOO not worth it. I know from long experience how we run to the casino to console ourselves from other hurts and end up adding insult to injury. Put all your focus into recovery Bettie.
There are some things we can control and other things we can’t.
Jen needs to give you a break. I know how difficult it is to say no to your “child”, but the bottom line is B, she is pulling you down. Time to give her a wide berth.
Tough love!
I don’t get it about the work situation but I just hope and pray you can continue to work without too much stress.
Thanks for the update!
Missed you on GT!Think of what will happen when/if you gamble, Lee.
We know it always ends in tears.
(By the way what about the loan shark?-just sayin’)Great minds think alike, Lizbeth…you’ve been on my mind all week too Bettie.
How are things?Happy St Patrick’s Day , Micky!
I still go through losses in my head Reddy. It fades with time but having HUGE debt, like I have makes it hard to put money on the back boiler.
One “tip” I would offer is don’t carry money when you’re walking past those god forsaken hellholes. They have a way of sucking you in and “pick pocketing “. Like magnets!
You’re doing great. Don’t over analyse . Just for today…don’t gamble!Good to hear from you kPat.
Well done on your G free time. Thankfully your husband “obeys” you when you say no to gambling. I hope he never goes alone?
Nice to have a boss who knows she is the boss and that you don’t have to train her in. you can relax in the knowledge that you can do your job without added stress.
As for that son….my gut reaction is to say kick his butt, but as Sad said, none of us had wise heads on our shoulders when we were his age. Maybe he is under pressure from his peers to act out , especially if he is a clever kid. He could be getting a bit of “jip” from the lads!
Thanks for the update. I think of you often.So sorry to hear you are going through such a rough patch, Lizbeth. It seems things are happening all at once . That is so stressful.
Would it be possible to have some sort of a family meeting to include the 4 generations to lay down some ground rules? It seems you are picking up your mam’s/daughters’/grandson’s hardships and that is far to much for one person to deal with. You are so good to them all, yet they seem to give very little in return -except your grandson, of course.
Being the “middleman/woman” takes it’s toll, Lizbeth. I’m guessing you are using gambling as a crutch to escape from all the pressure.
Time for everyone in your family to stand up and be counted.
As I write , I feel I’m preaching but, I’m not forgetting how dysfunctional my own family is and always was and not just the present generation. Somebody has to break the cycle Lizbeth. Would they agree to counselling, do you think? I’m thinking of you and praying that your present situation will be resolved soon. Hold off on making any hasty decisions regarding the house.
Things will change, only if you change. Take care!It is difficult for old people to change habits of a lifetime Kin.
We are all creatures of habit to some extent. All any of us can do is try to change ourselves.
“When I change, everybody changes”!