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Well done, Kathryn.
I found myself getting hooked on those Free Slots too. Gave them up on May 1st . Haven’t touched them since. They have the same effect as the “Real Deal”. Zone out. Lose tract of time. Guilt feelings. Headache. Nausea and total waste of precious time that we could be using for other far more important things.
RG summed it up. “Like taking a pull of a cigarette, without inhaling”!
I am so sad to hear of your mother’s deterioration, Kathryn. It is gut wrenching. I worked in Dementia care and the only consolation is that she is being well cared for. Whoever described this condition as “The Long Goodbye” saw the full picture. It is harder on you than it is on your mam. Please don’t waste time gambling Kathryn. WE have enough regrets in life without adding more. Spend time with your mam and family. Making memories is what life is all about.How is your weekend going, Mav?
Thinking of you.
My son was bullied once in school. I approached the dad and mam of the boy in question because the teacher couldn’t handle it . That man brought his boy to my house and questioned him in front of my son . Made him face up to what he did and apologise Told him he was ashamed that any son of his would be so cowardly as to bully a school mate. The boy was in tears. I knew him . A big innocent lad, who was showing off in front of the others to try to gain their friendship. Boys are soft at the back of it all , Mav. His dad laid out conditions on return to school, I e “include ALL you friends, without ostracising anyone”. He handled it very well . My son was still very nervous going to school. He HATES conflict . He s 30 now and told me one of the guys he lives with is withholding the rent, then giving it to him in cash, refusing to pay as the others do, by online banking My son is in charge of the rent They all share bill paying. I went for a long walk with him on Thursday night. I could hear the stress in his voice and see the anxiety in his face. I told him “This little RAT is intimidating, i.e BULLYING you” . Since he hasn’t got an ounce of aggression in him, I advised him to explain to the guy that he can make arrangements to pay HIS rent directly to the land lady. In other words, refuse to deal with this wimp. Would you believe, he is not able to do that.AT 30!! I think some people will be vulnerable for life. If I met that muppet, I would whip his head off with my tongue .We all have different ways of dealing with ups and downs I can understand perfectly how you feel. My daughter was ostracized by a friend, her “best “friend, when she was nine I will never forget that Summer. If you think boys are bad for bullying I can tell you girls are a hundred times worse. “B”s with an itch!!!
The fact that your boy knows you and his mum are on his side will mean the world to him.
My son felt very uneasy that the lad who bullied him would get in trouble with his dad!
You can’t win!
Gambling won’t help of course, nor will strangling the perpetrator which any caring dad would feel like doing!
Try to hold your temper Mav.
Sometimes, we catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. I found out years later that the Bully was actually jealous of my son. I started inviting him to the house (they were only about 8 or 9 ) and he really was a nice boy.
I hope and pray it all works out well. if not would you consider changing schools?Very frustrating to see a GA member playing a double game, SJ, but as you say, gambling is not the answer to any problems we may have.
Maybe that person will speak at the next meeting about his “mistake”.
Sometimes we don’t see the full picture.Hello, I have to change. I hate when posts vanish after taking the time to put words in print, but like the money that vanishes in the slot machines , it some times happens . The only difference is the money we put in machines always vanishes. That’s because we are compulsive gamblers , therefore our need to gamble is greater than our need to win. I have proved that to myself, to my horror, on more than one occasion. I remember sitting in the casino, as you describe , hating the slot machines, hating the addiction, hating myself for being there, praying for a win and hey presto the win would come. Prayers answered. Time to leave. But did I ever leave ? Very seldom. The “win” usually went back into the machines and it was only when I was broke and devastated that I had no choice but to slink away like a beaten dog.
Gambling ruins lives. It almost ruined mine. It affected my health/sleep/relationships/finances etc. Every area of my life was thrown into turmoil and what did gambling give me in return? Nothing, except grief and misery and still I kept going back for more.
From what I read , you have reached a crossroads in your life, I have to change.
Now is the time to make a decision.
“Do I continue to allow gambling ruin my life or do I cut my losses and walk away?”
I hope you choose the latter!“Feeling terrible” i.e. lonely, deserted, abandoned, rejected, misunderstood etc are all huge gambling triggers for me too.
CGs often stuff those emotions into slot machines (my poison) or use other forms of gambling to alleviate them.
Make sure you think twice before you make the wrong move. Not only will you feel even more terrible but you will certainly lose more money.
Try to go for a long walk, call another friend, get busy with some physical task and hand over whatever money you have to someone who will mind it for a few days . Put your ATM card and Credit card in a sealed envelope and post it to yourself. Life goes on without gambling. Life goes on without friends who filled our needs in the past. Believe me, I have trained myself to do without both!
“When you enjoy the scent of a thousand flowers, you won’t miss the fragrance of one”!
Attend the online groups this evening to pass 3 hours You will get a lot of support there.I agree, Steven. Non CGs don’t understand . How could they possibly get inside the mind of a CG with all the distorted thinking, all the irrational plans and the plethora of mixed emotions.
That’s why this Site has a Family and Friends Forum. And GA has the “sister” group called Gamanon, to support and inform non CGs (our “victims”) about strategies they can use to protect themselves from the fall out of gambling.
Maybe your parents/girlfriend would benefit from checking out these groups.
You rightly pointed out Steven, that we can fool ourselves.
We also become expert at fooling others!Maverick, I would suggest you stay away from that bully boy’s house. I know it is eating away at you, especially since you went through so much being bullied but you really would be better to involve a third party.
Just my thoughts.“First the man takes a drink;
Then the drink takes a drink;
Then the drink takes the man”
Same with gambling, Kin. Once we succumb to the insanity, gambling will consume us.
Stay focused and we will stay sane.Hi Steven!
I see you are asking for advice about “stopping completely”.
Then, I read on another thread that you had managed to acquire another 2k on another credit card.
Not judging. Just sayin’!
So maybe for a start stop taking new credit cards.
Stopping gambling is real easy.
I stopped hundreds of times.
Staying stopped is really difficult.
That’s why CGs need help/support/barriers.
I went to extreme measures to gamble. Travelled miles in all weather. Borrowed against all the odds. Manipulated people, organizations (banks, credit unions, loan companies etc) to give me loans beyond all belief. Now its payback time. And I can tell you it hurts!
It seemed so harmless getting 2/3/4 k here and there but when the zeros are added on and we find ourselves looking at 6 figure sums, reality sets in and the pressure rises.
My advice to you , Steven is not to stop completely. Yet! Just stop borrowing money for now. If you say you’re broke , then you can’t/won’t gamble.
Next step is to tie up your next salary cheque before that vanishes too and I can tell you without a doubt that it will.
Can you get a friend/family member to take over the control of your finances COMPLETELY?
CGS cannot handle money.
At this stage you can only see money as ammunition for gambling. Of course your rational mind will say otherwise but as soon as that money hits your account you will swing into action. I did it for years that’s how I know. I even took high interest loans which involved agents coming to my home with cash.( very stressful!) As soon as the paper work would be filled in, the cash was handed over. It took about 3 days to arrange these transactions.(more stress). During that time I would psych myself up . Swearing to God that as soon as I got the cash I would go straight to the bank but as soon as the money was laid before me the wheels of the car would barely touch the road and ten/twelve hours later I would be on my way home, penniless , crying “why did I do it AGAIN”
The reason we lose everything, Steven is because we are compulsive gamblers and compulsive gambler never win.
So before you attempt to “stop completely” instil that into your brain.
“CGs never win”
CGs NEVER win”
CGS N E V E R ever win”
When you “get” that, you will stop gambling, completely!I decided that 2016 would be a G free year too, Maverick.
Of course we all know that there are 365 days in a year, so all we need to do is get through one day at a time. 5 days gone already this month so if you can get through one day, every day you’ll get that G free year.
I hope it will be the first of many for all of us. The Gambling life is worthless. Your mention of burning fifty pound notes reminded me of my thoughts when I shoved one fifty after another into slot machines. I often thought of bringing them into the loo and seeing if they would take longer to flush away there, than in the machines. Then the thought of some sleazy fat cat opening those machines and laughing his smutty head off all the way to the bank with MY hard earned money brought serious homicidal thoughts….Where I gambled , the casinos are all privately owned so you get to see the Ali Babas face to face every so often. They LEER at the fools stuffing money into the machines and I’m sure they have their feet up watching us on camera in the luxury of their homes in between visits. It doesn’t bear thinking about .
All we can do, Lee, is cut off their supplies!
Let’s do it!
ODAAT! Regardless of which month. Regardless of the year.
Just for today, we can make them suffer! Their loss. Our gain!I’m with you for May, Micky
One day at a time.Just read your posts Flo.
Welcome to GT.
I’m around this Forum since 2008, and my biggest regret is that I didn’t exclude from gambling venues sooner and that I failed to follow the advice I was given initially. It takes some of us longer than others to wake up but it’s never too late.
Gambling is a progressive, insidious disease and I can tell you, from sad experience that things only go in one direction until we call a halt to our “madness”. CGS never win so chasing money means more loss/misery every time. We lose much more than money of course-pride, self esteem, relationships, health, sleep etc etc all go by the wayside as gambling takes over our lives and consumes our every thought and action.
Waiting for “official notice” to ban from those sites, is a deliberate ploy , of course . The Gambling Industry plays on the weakness of compulsive gamblers but the good news is that human beings will always be superior to machines, so use your superiority to keep a step ahead of your addiction, otherwise you will be hoodwinked into believing you can take “another shot at the title”.
The reality is, Flo, once we cross the proverbial line, there is no going back.
Kiss your losses goodbye. Dust yourself down and start over, one day at a time. Posting your thoughts and feelings is a healthy outlet and will help you to stay accountable.
Best wishes in your recovery.Three great “greatfuls” Micky.
The choices and decisions we make will always determine whether we gamble or not.
If we make the wrong choice, we know exactly what the consequences will be so why are we then surprised to discover that we have been “wiped out yet again”.
the outcome for a CG will always be the same.Thanks for your ongoing support on my thread, WM!
I hope your son is still G free and living a better life.
I could write a book on my son’s “issues”. He is not a CG. Same age as your son. The most recent thing is , he moved a lot of his baggage back to this house, left his dog here (at my behest-I couldn’t bear the think of the little animal being caught up in my son’s irregular life.) All we can do as mothers is offer advice, and let our sons find their own way through life. Gambling was my way of escaping from his craziness and my own, but that is not an option these days.
I hope your Gamanon Group is thriving and that you are learning/teaching each other new skills , one day at a time.You’ve been through a lot lately, Kin.
I have been reading all you wrote although I haven’t been posting.
You have the courage to come back and start again. There are no short cuts. No quick fixes. No easy routes. Just one day, one step at a time. Always starting with Step One. You’ll be fine , Kin. Set backs strengthen our resolve.