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Well done on 60 G free days, Whatif
You say, “If I can stop the thought of gambling, I can see myself being happy”
Believe it or not a CG can be happy even when gambling thoughts pass through our mind. It is when we dwell on these thoughts and allow them to develop into action, that the unhappiness sets in.The Good News, Courage is that you do not ever have to go through this again.
When we use Support , two things happen . We learn from others and others learn from our experience.
Give and take.
The opposite to gambling, which is take, take, take, until we have nothing left to give.
You will feel stronger when you recover from the initial shock
It takes time
Try to be patient.Kin, As soon as we accept the fact that “CGs never win” we will realize there is no point in playing
We only become “powerless over gambling” when we place the first bet.
Quashing the initial thought means it will never lead to action. Nobody ever drugged me and carried me blindfolded to the casino. I always drove there in my sane senses. (Mind you, I never left a casino in a similar manner-I was usually the last customer to be ejected well after closing time . Either that, or I stumbled out the door broke and dejected).Is that the Life Our Father planned for us, Kin?
I think not!Yes, DD, it is heart wrenching for you, your siblings and for your mother.
Gambling is a ruthless addiction and has no respect for age, class, creed or gender.
My personal opinion, reading what you have written, is that your mum probably turned to gambling through loneliness and loss of her husband. Gambling can play the part of a “lover” and I know many women who were sucked in. I have seen them stroking and talking to slot machines as if to coax them into some positive response. Your mother feels upset and threatened because you are “taking her ‘lover’ away”.
My suggestion to you and your siblings would be to avoid mentioning the G word to your mother. Surprise her with some alternative activity ( a walk , a drive in the country side, a trip to the cinema, a meal out) to replace her gambling outings. She is not a young woman and as we know “old habits die hard” Twenty years is a long time to spend gambling, so as well as the addictive element it will have become habitual behaviour for you mam. Safeguarding her home is indeed the biggest and best thing you can do, but you also need to take steps to help her to restore and safeguard her dignity and preserve her self esteem.
In my experience, a lot of women continue to gamble because they falsely believe that gambling is their way of life and the only thing they can do well!
I am the mother of three grown up children.
I am a compulsive gambler.There is no such thing as a “win” for a CG, Steven.
Just think of it as a high interest loan.
I have often experienced a similar “numbness” following a “win”.
I don’t think this is part of recovery.
I think it’s part of the CGism playing tricks with your mind.
Sorry for the blunt reply but I was hoodwinked for years.
There is no middle road for a CG. We either stop or we gamble.
Just my personal experience.“Where there is a will, there is a way”!
Great to see a post from you FG
You have marvellous energy!
Long may it last!
I wish your husband a long, happy and healthy retirement.
It seems there will be no room for gambling in your life from now on.
The best is yet to come.Well done, Steven
Every time we succumb to gambling our resolve is weakened. That has been my experience.
I “use” those “freeplay” slots occasionally. Every so often they invite you to “Play for Real”, but I have no available funds in my current account so its out of the question. I need to avoid them completely. I actually hate them .
As RG said “its like smoking a cigarette without inhaling”!
I need to remind myself and you too, that
“When you sup with the devil, use a long handled spoon”!Good Thread, Kin.
Every time a “slip” happens, it involves choice. My choice and yours. I call “slips”, “gambling”. The same as I call a spade a spade! Using the “slip” word minimizes the act of gambling. . Every act has a consequence.
There is no such thing as a “minor gamble” for a CG because every time we indulge, we tend to whitewash the smaller monetary loss until the damage is done and we notice a couple of zeros added to that loss. Also, thinking of gambling in monetary terms only (which is common)overshadows more serious losses i.e pride, self esteem. dignity, relationships etc.
Every time a CG even dwells on the thought of “one more time” he/she is setting themselves up for further disaster. Because of it’s progressive nature, gambling for a CG will bring us eventually to the brink of disaster. What seems like a harmless picnic fire in a forest can often lead to a widespread inferno. The same applies to gambling. Unintentionally, we may very quickly lose control of what initially seems like a harmless act. Therefore, in recovery, we are “duty bound” to use our skills and tools to prevent catastrophe .
Yes, I agree we can learn from so called “slips” but learning how to deal with them BEFORE they happen i.e.”do things differently”, thus preventing further gambling should be a CG’s ultimate goal.
One day at a time.Once we we cross the line, Steven, we can never gamble normally again.
Believe me, I tried and failed many times.
When we finally accept that a CG will never win, we will see no further point in gambling. Why waste time and money when the outcome will always be one of failure/loss?
I think you hit the nail on the head when you referred to destruction. Gambling is a form of self destruction. I have no doubt about that.It’s all down to awareness.
That’s why I think , under the influence of alcohol, people make wrong judgements and don’t realize it until it’s too late. The “urge” itself, if we give it power can weaken our resolve.
We ONLY become “powerless over gambling” when we succumb to that urge. Until then we remain in control. Managing urges is part of recovery.“Postpone the next bet” was the first bit of advice I got on GT when I joined in 2008 (from Lee).
If every CG did that, it would be the answer to our problems and it would prevent a lot of misery.
I’m so sorry to hear you had the relapse, Kin. I know you will get back on track fast.
You have a lot of experience with gambling. And even more with Recovery.
Use the skills/tools that you have learned over the years. They work!Just touching base, Maverick.
Life ain’t no Bed of Roses but if you want thorns, just add gambling to the mix!
I’ve had a few nails put in my coffin recently but gambling won’t ease the pain.
Sometimes we need to just get on with things. ODAAT!
Enjoy your children while they are still young. One of these days they will be towering over you (in more ways than one!)One month is brilliant, Steven. Landmarks can be a trap, as you are well aware.
You give great support on this site.
Well done!Dave, what “theone”says is very true.
Every gambler wants to win but a Compulsive Gambler NEVER wins, because of the nature of the disease. We are compelled to put all our “wins” back where they came from.
Gambling is synonymous with loss.
We can’t have one without the other.
Initially, I didn’t want to stop either.
I had to stop.