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Building recovery on “winnings” is tantamount to building a house on sand, Kin.
CGs never win!
It’s all an illusion. Every “win” I got was just like another high interest loan. Money from “wins” doesn’t bring true joy.Hi Zed,
Just to “put the cat among the pigeons” I will add that feeling you are on your own can be a dangerous place to be for a CG in early recovery. You need fellowship and support and who better to offer that than your Life’s partner. Maybe I’m being too idealistic but facts show that gamblers who have family support do better than those who are alone.
(In my case that feeling contributed to my gambling initially and lack of communication over the years caused me to isolate and gamble again and again-I say this without laying any blame on my husband)
I agree that we need to take responsibility for our actions past and present (you are well aware of that from your posts)
I also know that it is selfish to expect our “significant other” to switch moods and arrive on the same page as us overnight .
Just because we decide to move away from what destroyed us AND OUR LOVED ONES doesn’t mean others will come on board immediately . It takes a long time to re build trust.
Your partner is most likely still in shock and very hurt (has she got support? Maybe Gam-anon or the Friends and Family Forum here would be of help to her right now)
Keep the communication open would be my suggestion.Just touching base to wish you and your family every blessing and good wish for the New Year/Decade, Lizbeth.
You have come a long way in recovery.
Thank God!Great to hear you had a healthy Christmas, Monica. Being unwell spoils everything.(Having a few “bob” makes a difference too).
You seem to have travelled quite a bit.
Did Pete change his mind about going with you?I understand how you feel , Zero.
That is what gambling does to us.
It’s a curse from Hell.
It leads to despair and feelings of hopelessness.
Taking your own life won’t solve anything, though. It will make a bad situation even worse. Think of the legacy you would leave behind.
The future seems bleak when we are at a low ebb and we think everyone else has an easy life. That is not true.
Remember this
“All that glitters is not gold”.
No point in offering advice or telling you that “things will be better” when you are feeling so upset.
I would suggest that you phone the Samaritans to verbalize all you have written to a real person.
It’s an scary place to be.
I have been in your situation often.
Gambling solves none of Life’s problems.
Post again soon.…is priceless, I-D-I.
I have come to the conclusion that the stress of mental addition, subtraction, calculating money, projecting figures , planning the next “round”, avoiding company, cooking slap dash meals, rushing to get rid of friends and family as fast as possible and trying to figure out the next loan, are far more damaging than the actual act of gambling. All this chaos causes serious mental distress.
When we write “Peace and joy” on the Christmas cards we send, we need to remind ourselves that gambling robs us of those two priceless possessions.
When we gamble we can kiss goodbye to both.
So glad to hear you have reversed your situation and that you are enjoying the simple life.
Humility plays a huge part in recovery.
Be proud of your great progress!These are my suggestions, Sean.
1. Look after your own recovery.
2. If you are interested in starting a GA group in your area, ask one or two members from your previous GA group to go with you. Advertise the Meeting in local GP surgeries, churches and casinos. Just put up a small notice. (CGs will not be affected by flyers. A small notice, well placed will be far more effective)
3. Don’t try to rescue people. (I did that for years. It doesn’t work. Every person needs to ask for help in his/her own time. Neither you nor I can take one step for another person)
4. Introducing a gambler to a well established AA group sounds sensible. Like GA, AA is a Spiritual programme. The fundamental 12 Steps can be adapted to all types of addiction.
5. If you get even one other gambler to attend a GA meeting, use the official GA literature. You will need to get consent from GA headquarters to to this, as far as I know. Keep it anonymous. The threat of being “found out” is what stops most people going to GA. There are GA Conventions and Awareness Groups available worldwide . Anyone can attend those or if interested people are free to attend Open Groups.
These are just my thoughts, Others might have better/different suggestions. In my experience , when I was acting under the guise of helping others, I was deflecting from my own recovery.
God bless your efforts!
Well done on your gamble free time, Sean and also on your “TV”appearance.
As Steev says, if your wife can change her mind once, perhaps she will do so again.
Nothing is written in stone. When she sees the efforts you are making, things might take a U turn. She did show her support by coming on to the show.
Be patient. Stay focused.Glad to read you are making better Christmas memories to obliterate your childhood ones, Steev.
None of us can change the past and memories good or bad continue to play a part in our lives.
Sometimes, what seems to be a “perfect family” has hidden secrets behind an exterior happy front.
All any of us can do is to try to “accept the things we cannot change” and make the best of what we have.…can be a difficult time, Kathryn.
All the bittersweet memories flood our thoughts. I think we search in the wrong places for answers and often end up feeling lonely .
(Ever try Bethlehem?)
The Simple Life suits me best.
I cope better with a “lack”than I do with a”load”.
Wishing you peace and every blessing for the rest of 2019
and a fruitful 2020 .
Great to hear from you Kathryn X