Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Dear Debbie
I was just about to close down when I thought I would give you thread a quick look and I am so glad I did.
What a massive step you have taken and what terrific plans you are making. I am so, so pleased for you.
I never doubted for a minute that you had it in you but I wasn’t sure when you were going to take the plunge. I am glad it is to be sooner rather than later.
I am off to bed now but I just had to write. You are, as Nelly said, one brave and special woman. You haven’t made me cry, you have made me smile from ear to ear.
Goodnight Ms Fantastic
VelvetHi Bettie
Your post that included Marilee’s old post brought back a memory. Has Marilee been heard of by anybody?
VelvetDear Kathryn
I missed the tooth incident I’m sorry. It is good to read that all is well though and that you are toning up for the wonderful break that somebody so special deserves.
I know that i am not supposed to wish but I can’t help it this time – i wish i was coming with you
Velvet
Hi Kathryn
I got to thinking the same way a little while ago – did I have to go through that experience to get where I am and the answer I have come up with is ‘yes’.
Bad experiences seem to shape us more than good ones.
Your daughter is all those wonderful things and her mum is a CG which says a lot of good things about your daughter and her mum. It proves, to me, conclusively that committing a life to being gamble-free can (and does) produce the most wonderful human beings.
You have every right to be proud; you have every right to be the mother of a vibrant, happy, bubbly person. Never look back with guilt Kathryn – you are living the life you were meant to have, the one you have worked for and you are very, very special.
Velvet
Hi Bettie
I am pleased you went to a different meeting and had such a positive welcome. I hope it goes a long way towards helping you realise that there was nothing personal in the negativity you had at the other meeting. We can get so bogged down when we begin to imagine we are not liked and often end up not being so likeable because we go in to situations thinking negatively.
I think the majority of GAs and Gamanons are great but they are made up of human beings and human beings are not always as nice as they should be – not even in GA!
I have asked all my neighbours in for a garden party to celebrate Queen Elizabeth’s Diamond Jubilee. Some of them said ‘don’t ask certain people because they would not come!’ How daft – if I don’t ask them, then they will definitely not come. They don’t dislike the people they have just judged their reaction but I know how I would feel if the whole road went in to my neighbour and I was not invited. (Actuallly my husband said that did happen to us last year but he didn’t tell me until a couple of days ago – ah well – what I didn’t know didn’t hurt me!)
Don’t worry what people think of you – just be you. I don’t believe it is about you but it could well be about them. They sounded a right miserable bunch and not worth worrying about anyway.
Have you asked for a sponsor or are you waiting to be asked? It is possible to be overlooked without any malice. When I first came on this site I was ignored in both the forum and the group. My skin was too thin then and I retreated fast. You might have noticed that I did return but very quietly and now I occasionally post!
My attitude is that I am here because I care; I am not here to be liked. The two things hang together a bit though I think. If I didn’t care I wouldn’t be liked. If I worried too much about being liked I wouldn’t post.
Put the bad episode behind you. Don’t see in your mind’s eye ‘unfriendliness’ when you walk in the room. Know you have something to offer – because you have, it is called ‘care and understanding’. The positive attitude will show in your face and your posture.
I will admit that sometimes my bravado does fail me and when it does I am aware of a difference from those around me. Look ‘em in the eye Bettie – you are worth knowing – you are wonderful.
Velvet
Hi Dear Kathryn
There is a vast difference between hiding lies and blocking a lot of the past. In both forums, I think, the past has to be blocked (apart from reference only) if we want to go on with each other.
I know you don’t lie anymore and you forgot, just like I have forgotten the cost of just about everything I bought 5 years ago.
Can you get memory foam mattresses in Australia, that go on top of your old mattress and are a whole lot cheaper than buying the complete thing? I know from quite a few people they do ease aches and pains. You have suffered enough for your addiction without waking up with a sore back every morning.
I must confess my mattress is gorgeous and hard to get up from – I am definitely an owl not a lark. Anyway hopefully you are snoozing away by now and dreaming of Bali. It certainly sounds like you are just being organised to me – who wouldn’t look forward, with eager anticiation, to such a fabulous holiday?
Great to see you in Active Topics as always
Velvet
Hi Kathryn
Get off those egg-shells and express your excitement. Maybe it is the anticipation of not having you around that is causing the downer. When you are on holiday that person can know that you are happy and hopefully be happy for you.
You will feel fabulous on that beach in Bali regardless of the punishment you are choosing to put yourself through – because you are ‘you’ and you are fabulous. Surely treadmills belong in the dark ages or at least in a dark room where they can’t be found.
I have a vision of you on a treadmill and you have a remarkable likeness in my mind to a hamster!
As Ever
V
Hi Kathryn
Happy Australian Mother’s Day, in spite of a thoughtless mother in law!
I am pleased that you are recovering from you procedure – you sure know what recovery is all about – take it slowly and don’t try to run before you can walk- the effort is always worthwhile.
You might be feeling too crappy to say that life is good but being Kathryn you still managed it.
I hope you and your children have (it must be ‘had now) a great day. Your children have a very special mum and this forum has a very special person in ‘You’.
VelvetDear Betty
An unasked for nasty comment says more about the person who made it than the person it was directed at.
Why do we all allow people to get to us?
Look after yourself in that wine-coloured recliner – you deserve it. Without ever meeting you I know you are lovely – it is in everything you write and everything that is written to you.
Think of all the people who are kind and whose opinion is worth listening to and forget the unkind remark from someone who’s opinion is not worth a tinker’s cuss.
Velvet
Dear Kathryn
Our posts must have passed mid-pacific.
What I can’t work out if how you ever did enjoy shopping with hubby? Not doing it ever again doesn’t sound drastic to me – it sounds entirely sensible.
If my husband wants clothes, I have to go with him and wait within the immediate vicinity of the changing rooms so I can collect different sizes and colours and I talk to other women looking forlorn and thinking what they could be doing if only ……… !
We tried to shop for me once. I had to walk miles, to where husband had drifted to find a comfy seat, to see if he liked any of the dresses. When I showed him he would say ‘it’s alright’ with about as much enthusiasm as a he would have for a wet weekend. Eventually I came out with nothing as he was obviously bored! He said ‘which one are you having?’ and I said ‘none of them’ at which point the man sitting beside him said ‘good I didn’t like any of them either!’ That was the last time I shopped with my husband for anything for me or other people. Come to think of it I should have asked the other man if he would come with me in future – at least he was honest.
We have tried at Christmas to buy presents, for other people, together. It consists of eating at every opportunity – unless of course he remembers that he would like a blue jumper to go with whatever and then I am back outside the changing room again. I shop at Christmas alone now too.
So don’t be upset – you are definitely not alone.
My husband and I can’t do sulking. His father sulked, sometimes for weeks and nobody would know why, then he would start speaking again – very difficult.
Such a nice thought that we were both writing at the same time and so good to get your update even if it did contain snotty child and hubby.
As Ever
V
Hi Kathryn
I cannot believe how far down your thread had slipped. It only goes to show how far you have come. You are living gamble-free and not seeking support.
To any new members though your thread has got to one to read and shoud not be allowed to slip too far down. You are inspirational to everyone on the site.
How are your young men, Brea and Bestie?
Please update – no details could ever be mundane. It is just so wonderful to hear you living the dream.
As Ever
Velvet
Hi Bettie
so glad it all went well. Thought about you all loads
VelvetHi Larry
Your support in F&F is invaluable and so appreciated and I would love to have been at the conference to meet you. I think it will be a truly remarkable experience and you all deserve a wonderful time.
Thinking about you from across the ocean.
VelvetHi Bettie
Enjoy the conference.
Looking forward to hearing about it
Velvet
Hi Blue
You said that you don’t want sympathy and I am not going to give it.
You said that you wish you could stop gambling before it is too late but that is seems that now you do not even want to ‘try’ and stop.
It seems to me that it is the ‘trying’ that you don’t want to do. ‘Trying’ when you do not believe that you can succeed is almost always going to be an impossible task but you know that it is possible to succeed because you have the word of so many who have gone before you. They are no longer fighting a vast enemy but controlling an occasional, manageable pain in the backside. They are no longer having everything taken away from them with no return but are getting the rewards of happiness, peace of mind and trust of those around them.
What tells you that you are a failure and a useless son? – Gambling.
Who tells you that you can succeed and you are not a useless son? – Everyone on this site and your parents.
Trust those who care about you and not an addiction that hates you.
I can’t tell you what to do but I hear success in CGs who affirm on a daily basis that ‘today’ they will not gamble. Why not make a point of a daily affirmation on here.
Why do you not come on here as often as you would like to?
You are not a useless son – you are a son who has lost his way. You have the capability to beat your demon but you need courage. Nobody will ever tell you that trying is easy because it isn’t – but if you believe in your goal and believe in yourself then you can succeed.
It is really good to see you posting again. Keep posting especially when you hear that addiction call. You will never win with gambling Blue – you will win if you don’t.
Velvet
Velvet